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  • Blogging in Shadows 4:02 pm on April 26, 2017 Permalink  

    The #BlizzardScale 

    I’ve been using the #BlizzardScale for a while now, to communicate how disappointing it is to attend an event & be the only black person there.  Some places are better than others, so I’ve given them X/10 ratings to simplify.  I encourage everyone to use this at the next event they attend, and to ask “Why are there so few POC there?” And “How can this be rectified?”

    1/10 No white folk to be seen - Assume this is a POC-only event
    2/10 Only a couple of white folk - Assume those white folk got lost
    3/10 A few white folk - Excellent diversity
    4/10 Reasonable amount of white folk - Good diversity
    5/10 Even split of ethnicities - Fair diversity
    6/10 POC in a minority but not noticeably so
    7/10 POC in definite minority. Assume you’ll be asked “Where are you really from?”
    8/10 Rumour of POC in attendance, but unconfirmed - Assume this is a LGB event
    9/10 Approaching total whiteness - Assume this is a Trans/Vegan/Gamer event
    10/10 Total whiteout. “Some of my non-existent best friends are black”. Defensiveness of whites very high.

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 10:18 pm on April 25, 2017 Permalink  











    These robots appear in two of my zines: The A-Z of Biphobia, and Useless Advice. I got to doodling them with messages of things I support.  I’ve been having a hard time with my mental health lately, so colouring these little creatures has made me smile.  Feel free to reuse with credit please.

    I’ve got a tip-jar if you’re an adoring fan, or if you have learned something from this blog.  http://paypal.me/ACrystalGem 

    Kind regards

    Jacq

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 5:54 pm on March 27, 2017 Permalink  















    #BlackBiBeauty happened on the 25th March 2017 (Exactly 6 months before Bi Visibility Day! http://www.bivisibilityday.com )

    The hashtag was the idea of @TheAngryFanGirl https://theangryfangirl.com who wanted to change the narrative on how black bisexuals are viewed.  

    What came through when people tweeted about their experiences was that cisgender black bisexual men are still being blamed for the rise in HIV in black communities, thanks to the awful Down Low misinformation.  Black bisexuals who are also trans and nonbinary people are erased from sight.  Black bisexual cisgender women are often hypersexualised. All these groups of black bisexuals face biphobia from lesbians and gays, as well as racism from white LGBT people.  The alienation we live with from inside and outside of the bisexual communities can lead to a poor quality of life, adverse mental health and a feeling that we are the only ones who are like this.  And that’s where #BlackBiBeauty succeeded - it showed the world that we are not alone.  We exist and we are beautiful in our own unique ways.  It was a pleasure to encourage this event into happening, and to see the positivity and friendships that it spawned in such a short time.  I look forward to the next one!

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 1:48 pm on March 27, 2017 Permalink  



    That Loving Feeling is Gone

    Racist white folks broke my heart.  Power wasn’t just unbalanced in our relationships, it was positively skewed.  My choice of partners for a quick shag, wham bang, see you later, could be wide as I want.  Yet anything else; deeper relationships, down on one knee proposals were for white folks and their polycules alone.

    When I realised I could not be Polyamorous in this society, I felt like a failure.  Poly wasn’t something I did - it was who I was.  Had I lied to myself all this time?  Surely love conquers all?  My heartbreak was a brutal crack in the core of my being.  I knew I’d never recover that loving feeling, the full expression of how I navigate sex and relationships.

    I’ve experienced racism all my life, yet nothing could have prepared me for racism from people who said they loved me.  I cannot imagine the cognitive tangle of thoughts and actions that lead to such a thing, but down in my bones, I knew I was never seen as a full human to them.  My breasts, my heart and my lips could express my love in acceptable ways, but my skin would forever undermine all of that in their eyes.

    I have received white tears, white guilt, but never white respect or action when I was bereft.  I just get silence.

    Most of my partners have been white.  My two black boyfriends both put me in hospital, but white partner’s violence was a slow terrible poison.  How could I fight against an assumption?  What moves can combat neglect?  When my every action paints me as the angry black person, what do I do?  How do I react?

    Letting go of things hurt, but it means my shoulders no longer slump from the strain of carrying such a heavy load.  I can now walk upright instead of wishing I were taller, less bent over.  My arms and my hands are empty for the first time - empty and open to embrace whatever comes next.  And if nothing comes, I can hold myself.

    When white Poly people don’t see People of Colour as human, we become disposable.  We don’t consider the feelings of a piece of paper - we write on it, use it up and when we are done, throw it in the bin and pick up another sheet.  This is what happens to Poly People of Colour.  White folks fetishise us, especially if we are LGBT+ and/or into kink.  We are hypervisible in a sea of white faces, but once we serve our purpose, we are ignored, neglected or mistreated.  We are never primary partners; we are interchangeable and something to add spice to your white vanilla world.

    Poly People of Colour are at a disadvantage.  We face many issues that white people never will.  Most of us don’t have the family, money, energy or time resources white people have.  We are more likely to experience domestic violence, sexual assault, poverty and physical/mental issues.  We shouldn’t have to factor in a broken heart to all of the above.

    My identity of Poly turned into an identity of trash.  Rejecting the label will lead to yet more isolation for me, but it will be an honest isolation instead of the pretence of community and belonging.  I do not want to be a square on someone’s bingo card of experiences.  I deserve better.

    I have so much love to give.  I don’t want to close off my heart because of racism, but what choice do I have?  You may not want to marry me or anyone else, but I ask white Poly people to be upfront and honest with your desires.  Don’t tell me you love me if it isn’t so.  If all you want is a hookup with no contact after, say it.  I may turn you down, but I’ll respect your honesty.  Right now I don’t respect you at all.

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 12:56 pm on March 21, 2017 Permalink  



    Billie Prime

    I’ve changed access to this story - now everyone can read it for FREE!

    https://writteninshadows.wordpress.com/2017/03/21/billie-prime/

    The story comes as a PDF, so I realise it’s not great for some screen readers.  I’ll try to create other versions in MOBI and Kindle-friendly formats.  But for now, I hope you enjoy my tale. 


    Synopsis

    Billie has always had a love of science-fiction and fantasy.  His dreams of aliens take a strange turn when shadows around him start coming to life to try to communicate with him.  The apparitions continue when children who say they’re from Billie’s past come to visit him, making him question his sanity.  When one of the children asks him to change history, Billie is forced to look at his own legacy of violence and neglect that he has buried in order to live a normal life.  Billie has to question the possibility of time travel and the multiverse, in order to help one of the children escape a terrifying life of abuse. Billie also has to ask himself if any of this real or is this all in his head?You can now read this short story (20,000 words) for FREE.  Survivors of Child Abuse and violence are likely to be poorer, so I wanted this to be available to them.  Copy and distribute if you like, but this has a Creative Commons Non Commercial copyright filed.  Please don’t go charging folks for reading this!If you have any comments, feedback or general questions about this story, please feel free to contact me at billieprime@gmail.com

    Regards

    Jacq A.

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 7:40 pm on March 20, 2017 Permalink  



    Synopsis

    Billie has always had a love of science-fiction and fantasy.  His dreams of aliens take a strange turn when shadows around him start coming to life to try to communicate with him.  The apparitions continue when children who say they’re from Billie’s past come to visit him, making him question his sanity.  When one of the children asks him to change history, Billie is forced to look at his own legacy of violence and neglect that he has buried in order to live a normal life.  Billie has to question the possibility of time travel and the multiverse, in order to help one of the children escape a terrifying life of abuse.  Billie also has to ask himself if any of this real or is this all in his head?

    Billie Prime is available as a paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/jacq-applebee/billie-prime/paperback/product-23111819.html or as a FREE PDF if you send an email to BilliePrime AT gmail.com

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 9:23 pm on March 16, 2017 Permalink  



    bisofcolour:

    Get your selfie sticks ready!

    Let’s show the world who we are.

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 9:07 pm on March 16, 2017 Permalink  

    womanistgamergirl:

    So, I had an idea. A shit idea probably, but an idea nonetheless.

    Black bisexual people catch shit from all sides. We get labeled as gay when we come out or told we don’t exist. Black bi men get told they’re the cause of HIV in the Black community because “DL”. Black cishet women are biphobic af (don’t try to deny it). Black bi women are treated as personal sex toys by cishet Black men.

    To counter this, I wanted something where Black bisexual individuals could show ourselves being happy and cute and shit because we are. I also want to show all the closeted Black bisexual people and the Black bisexual babies that they aren’t alone. We’re out here and we’re here for you.

    So, the last Saturday of this month (the 25th), if you’re Black and bi and wanna participate, post a pic or tell your story using the hashtag #BlackBiBeauty either on here or twitter. Shit, get Facebook involved too. Why the fuck not?

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 12:14 pm on March 16, 2017 Permalink  



    bisofcolour:

    London BiFest is back!!!

    http://london.bifest.org

    It’s happening on Saturday 8th April 2017.  And good news for al Bisexual People of Colour - WE GET IN FOR FREE!

    London Bi Fest is sometimes called a mini BiCon, but it’s a great even just as it is.  There will be workshops, music and fun.  The location has good accessiblility - look at the website for a breakdown of that.

    Sessions have already gone up.  There will be a Bi’s of Colour session, where we’ll be giving progress on the upcoming book, plus catching up with all you lovely folks!

    So please come along to London BiFest.  If you think you may difficulty of any kind getting to, or attending this event, please contact Bis of Colour at bis.of.colour.gmail.com and we’ll try to help.

     
  • Blogging in Shadows 12:41 pm on March 5, 2017 Permalink  



    This photo was taken by Barry Boubah to show how diverse New York is.  It was a celebration, however, a far-right group used it to mock them instead.  This in turn made people say that this is indeed the kind of future they want, where different people can exist in peace together.  I started thinking of the future bisexual people in the U.K may want, with all the silly/serious things that involves.  So I wrote a poem about it.


    The future bisexuals want

    By Jacq A.

    Late night cake, biscuit and sex toy shops.

    Gripping drama on tv where bi characters don’t get shot.

    Cheesy discos around the clock:

    The is the future bisexuals want.


    For OKCupid to stop being so shit.

    Bi’s of all genders on magazine covers looking fit.

    LGBT organisations remembering bi people exist!

    This is the future bisexuals want.


    Bigoted lesbian & gays to stop being tiresome.

    Straights to stop asking us for threesomes.

    Constant Torchwood Seasons 1 & 2 re-runs!

    This is the future bisexuals want.


    We’re not asking for very much you know?

    Just cake and sex and good sci-fi shows.

    And basic respect - it should’nt be too hard to think of.

    Cos that’s the future bisexuals deserve and want!

     
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