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  • MrandMrs 8:40 pm on September 21, 2015 Permalink  

    Differing Attractions But Both Bisexual 

    We both have different attractions even though we're both bisexual.  Some of these may come from gender differences, and in some ways are role reversed to gender norms, and we also differ when it comes to visual stimuli.  It's always interesting to work out how each of us tick.

    One day, before we acknowledged our bisexuality, we watched the indie film 'White Bird in a Blizzard'.  We always discuss films after seeing them together.  Afterwards Mrs B kicked off the discussion...

    Mrs B : "The actress was very brave to be fully naked."
    Mr B : "I didn't really notice!" , said with honesty and no sarcasm.
    Mrs B thought - I couldn't take my eyes off her the whole time.
    Mr B thought - Why on Earth did I remember there was a love scene but not the full details of  how much of her body was revealed on film?  Most males probably would remember what they saw through their 'male gaze'.

    I assumed the feminist in me just overrode the ogling male part of me.  In truth I rarely get stimulated with visuals alone.  For me I need a romantic connection.  Think of all the romantic erotica and romance films, aimed chiefly at women.  They're the ones I prefer.  Pornography, especially with rough or non-sensual sex, does absolutely nothing for me.  A non-typical reaction for a male perhaps?  This ties in with my non-binary gender fluid identity quite nicely in my opinion. My wife, on the hand, does respond to images in a very strong way.  She's much more distracted by an attractive beach body than I am, which amuses me greatly.

    One thing we have learned is that you cannot judge your sexuality by how you respond to purely visual stimuli, especially if restricted to mechanical non-sensual pornography shot with a male gaze and non-natural bodies in unbelievable situations.  You can be bisexual and not respond to some types of pornography.  In my opinion it's better to judge your sexuality by thinking back to real life encounters and who has made your heart skip, turned your head, or became your latest celebrity crush.

    You can also discuss celebrity crushes with your partner, which makes the discussion of your attractions much less awkward and jealousy inducing.  We have found we have very similar taste in celebrity women, but not so much overlap in the men.  It all makes a visit to the cinema far more fun, and we get twice the value for money ;-)

     
  • MrandMrs 4:35 pm on August 22, 2015 Permalink  

    Is Bisexuality Different for Men and Women? 


    Being a bisexual woman.

    The prevailing feeling is that it is more acceptable for a woman to be bisexual than a man. That society is happy to accept a woman that is attracted to other women. I would have tended to agree with this, until I realised that I was actually a bisexual woman.

    I think that it is deemed okay to be bisexual if you are a women in current society, but only if you are under 25 and blonde and very attractive. Basically you have to provide fodder for male fantasies, a non-threatening object of lust, magnified in appeal because you also like men.

    This isn't the reality for most bisexual women. We aren't all young, super pretty and up for a threesome with a man who would get a kick out of acting out his fantasies. We are real people. Of all ages. Some married to men. Some to women. Some with kids. We work at different jobs. Some are disabled. We are as varied as any other demographic. And yes, some bisexual women are young and attractive, but that is the minority.

    When, like most of us, you don't fit the acceptable mould of a bisexual women things aren't as easy. You cannot be an object of lust, you are just a woman with a minority sexual preference. However, due to modern society's desire for youth and beauty, the experience of older bisexual women isn't that much different from that of all women. If you aren't young and pretty you are basically ignored.

    Being a bisexual man.

    There appears to be no hyper sexualised image of bisexual men like there is with young good looking women. There does appear to be an unfortunate recurring meme of evil men being bisexual. The lack of a hypersexualised image of bisexual men could be said to be helpful. When I read about bisexual women being propositioned for threesomes, I'm grateful that male bisexual's don't seem to fall into this hyper sexualised category.

    There are still no prominent positive male bisexual role models in the public eye that have reached a large audience.  Because of this not many prominent media personalities, sportsmen, public figures or high flying career men have chosen to come out as bisexual. Many will assume it's a private matter that could only harm them if it became publically known. Many will be correct in their assumptions.  However the lack of positive role models that these demographics would provide means the stigma is perpetuated.  Recent YouGov polls in the U.S. and UK have shown that over a quarter of the population are basically bisexual to some degree.

    In the absence of prominent openly bisexual male role models, and a prevalent stigma of a male bisexual being evil or predatory, bisexual men are left with being brave and stigmatised, or coming out selectively to a chosen few.

    In my opinion the problems arise when coming out to male friends who may start to feel threatened or targets of imagined sexual advances. These are the same people harbouring homophobia or believing bisexual myths.  Knowing when it is safe to come out can be tricky and scary.  I've seen others test the water with me to see if I am LGBT friendly, such as talking about themselves not judging the lifestyles of consenting adults, waiting for me to reciprocate.  If you are asked this and agree, then do reciprocate clearly.  Sometimes I have just politely nodded or smiled and this is not enough to provide reassurance to them.

    I always drop hints, or talk about related subjects first, to judge someone's reactions to LGBT matters.  If they use derogatory language about any sexual minority or transgender people then they are off the list of people who I like well enough to tell about my own sexuality. Their tone of voice can matter here since many will not know the correct terms to use.  Kind words said with wrong or offensive terminology are better than correct terms said with venom and spite. In my opinion intent is more important than politically correct words.

    The 'choice' about coming out as a bisexual man in a different gender relationship is a blessing and a curse.  Those wanting to live authentically, the hearts on their sleeve types, may still decide that their career would be better served by using cautious and discretion in coming out to selectively chosen work colleagues.  This can cause internal conflict about being proud and true to yourself and others and maximising your career success and possibly even family relationships.  I talk about careers and being male because many industries are male dominated, especially at the top of career ladders.  Therefore the attitudes of males towards bisexual men can have quite an effect on one's career.  I don't blame anyone in this position wanting to try to remain closeted to get ahead before coming out, although I personally think the more of us who are out the better it will be for others.

     
  • MrandMrs 8:57 pm on August 12, 2015 Permalink  

    So You’re Bisexual Too? 

    We have been married a long time. Our marriage has made it through the first ten years, when marriages are most likely to end in divorce, so that’s a really good start, and we’re heading towards the twenty year mark. I met my soulmate young and married him. It was the best decision I ever made.

    Right from the beginning we faced opposition from some people because of our age. This negativity came from friends, who on the whole fell away, as their lives were going in the more expected direction for teenagers. It also came from family too, as some felt that we couldn’t possibly make such an important decision as marrying at our age. The opposition only solidified the bond we felt towards each other and made us stronger as a couple. We were a team. A great team. And we still are.

    Being husband and wife is the best thing in the world. The first time someone called me Mrs, I loved it. I still love it. Nothing makes me prouder than gesturing towards my better half and being able to refer to him as my husband, or having him call me his wife. It makes us a legal entity, a recognised team. It means that even though the world can be crappy and cruel, I know that I have an unconditional supporter to back me up and pick me up. And I hope I do the same for him. Life has thrown some major poop at us over the years, and yet we’ve weathered it and are still here. Still strong. Stronger than ever. That is what a great marriage can do. And that is why we have always supported same-sex marriage too. Our thinking being that everyone deserved to find the happiness that we have and then have the opportunity to declare that love publicly and legally through the institution of marriage.

    So we knew we both supported the rights of the LGBT community to equal marriage and equality in every other way. We enjoyed shows and films with LGBT characters. And we loved Orange is the New Black. But we were definitely straight, weren't we? After all that is what being married to someone of the opposite gender must mean, right? Maybe not.

    One morning, Mr M.B. emailed me a link to an article to read. This was nothing unusual, we passed articles to each other all the time. The only words in the message asked for my thoughts. The article was a written by a man about being married to a lady who had since told him she was a bisexual. It talked about how they were staying married and loved each other, and how she didn't want any other partners, just him. It was, looking back, a positive article about a couple staying together and staying monogamous. In hindsight, my husband could not have picked a better article to send me to start the discussion. Sadly, as I read, my thoughts were screaming lesbian, he is asking if you are a lesbian! I went cold and into full internal panic mode. Why have you sent me this, I asked, trying to sound neutral. Isn't it obvious, came the reply? Oh God, he thinks I'm a lesbian, my inner voice shouted. Strangely, looking back, there wasn't any mention of the word lesbian. It was all about the wife being bisexual. It's quite telling that I was so panicked, that I couldn't even read straight. No, I replied, you're going to have to spell it out. I'm bisexual came the reply. Oh, my brain replied.

    It turns out that in my husband's virtual run through in his head, it had gone like this -
    I read the article.
    I say, why yes, what an interesting article, I am bisexual.
    And then he'd reply, so am I.
    And then we would agree that it is quite a happy coincidence, before resuming daily life.

    It didn't play out like that. It turns out that while he may have come to realisations about himself, that he wanted to share with me, I was a little further behind. Strangely, even while being open minded and happy to watch things like Orange is the New Black, I'd interestingly never properly considered what bisexual actually meant. I would have told you some people like men and women, but I'd never thought much about it. When Piper's character was with a woman, I'd have said she was gay. When she was with a man I'd have said she was straight again, and so forth. We now know this is bisexual erasure. The idea that people don't understand, accept or acknowledge that bisexual people are able to be attracted to more than one gender, something distinct from being gay or lesbian. While somebody might be with an opposite gender partner, that doesn't make them straight. Nor does being with the opposite gender make someone gay. Being bisexual is all about attractions.  Bisexuals are attracted to more than one gender, and this makes them neither gay nor straight. Sexual partners are a manifestation of your sexual orientation, not the determining factor.  In fact you can be celibate or a virgin and still know you are bisexual.  Society needs to catch on to the idea.

    When I was sixteen I told a friend that I might be gay. She looked at me and replied that I wasn't, because I liked boys. That was true, I really liked boys, but I also liked girls too. But I wasn't gay, my friend had confirmed it, so I never really thought about it again. When I was seventeen I met my husband and we fell in love and I wanted to be with him both physically and romantically. So that made me straight. Honestly, I never considered bisexuality. It never dawned on me that it could have been a girl that I ended up with instead of my husband, but I now assume that if I had have ended up with a girl I would have called myself gay and then not questioned it. As I was married, I didn't want to spend much time thinking about anyone other than my husband in that sort of way. But he had known from comments I'd made over the years that I wasn't straight. What was obvious to him wasn't obvious to me. He had also known that he wasn't straight either, but he had tried to bury it. A long period of introspection and eventual acceptance had lead to him finally sharing the realisation. Again, the clues had been there, and given his non-conformity to male stereotypes, and some comments over the years, it wasn't much of the shock it might have been, but it still threw me. Looking back, considering we were both bisexual without really realising it, I don't think we knew what it meant to be totally straight, so couldn't see the obvious. But what would it mean for our marriage?
     
  • MrandMrs 7:03 pm on July 30, 2015 Permalink  

    I’m Married, Should I Tell People I’m Bisexual? 

    That is totally up to you. Some people feel that their sexual orientation is an important part of their identity that they want to share with others. Some might feel it is a private thing, and they don't want to share it outside their marriage. For example, if they have been in a long term opposite gender marriage, then they might see it as irrelevant to share. Others might take the middle ground of sharing as and when appropriate. Some may consider coming out as bisexual in solidarity with more visible bisexuals, and to help others with their own coming out struggles.  The stats show a lot of bisexuals never tell anyone else. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, or a good thing, for you personally.  However too much bisexual closeting or self-denial across the whole of society may not be healthy for the bisexual community.

    Whichever stance you decide to take, remember to consider your partner's feelings too and your personal safety. A spouse might feel incredibly insecure about you being more open and declaring your bisexuality and they might need extra time to adjust. It could lead to feelings of anxiety and issues with self worth with a partner who still believes in the bisexual myths and biphobia. The partner who has finally accepted their own bisexuality might suddenly feel a big sense of relief to finally understand and accept themselves. However their partner might feel, incorrectly, but not unreasonably, like their whole marriage has been a sham. Remember, marriage is a partnership. Respect where your partner is on their journey to acceptance and understanding. Don't make them feel unworthy or uncomfortable. Again, communication is the key.

    At the other end of the spectrum, a spouse might what to keep their bisexuality private. That is totally their choice and must be respected.  It doesn't mean you can discuss it with your friends, as it isn't appropriate to out someone who has asked for your discretion, however keen you are to talk about it to someone outside the relationship. Try and support each other. Talk through your feelings. If you still feel you must talk to someone outside your marriage, even though your
    partner wants privacy, consider getting some couples counseling. Working through your feelings in a safe environment might be a helpful experience, although beware of therapists who promote promiscuity or promote breaking your existing relationship boundaries.

    We have decided to take the middle ground. We have decided to tell people only if an appropriate place in a conversation comes up, and only with people we feel comfortable telling. We aren't planning to just go ahead and tell people without any sort of conversational opening. We have been married nearly two decades so we don't want to confuse people as to why we are suddenly telling people now. We are keen to minimise any confusion too. If one of us comes out to another person, we have permission to out our spouse too, in fact we agreed that we have to do so. Also given the awful stereotyping around bisexuality, we will also make it clear that nothing else about our relationship has changed: we are staying monogamous and committed.

    Someone just starting out dating will have very different experiences to our own, but we are primarily aiming, with this blog, to reassure the already married about what they can expect from their spouse and those around them. We feel good communication is the most important thing, coupled with a united front. You and your spouse are a team, they should be the person that always has your back, and you for them. If you are struggling with your spouse's bisexuality, talk to them and not about them to others. We understand not everyone has the luxury of having a spouse who is also bisexual too, and if that applies to you, you might have to make a leap of faith to understand what your spouse is feeling. Talk to them, not about them with others, unless you have express permission to out them.

    Many of the bisexuals in opposite gender relationships feel that their sexual orientation is being erased, as people assume they are straight. This may or may not be the case, but it seems that a lot of the erasure is coming from the gay and lesbian community as well as from the straight community. While we have no personal experience here to offer, it does seem that there is a view that bisexuality doesn't exist or isn't valid as a long term sexual orientation. We find this rather baffling. We know who we are and we know we exist and we both know we've always been this way, I won't go as far as to saying born this way, because that's a whole other argument. We will tell people as and when it's appropriate to do so because bi-erasure is not helpful to anyone. One way we are educating people is by this blog. We aim to be the boring non-titillating voice of monogamous bisexuality.

     
  • MrandMrs 2:27 pm on July 24, 2015 Permalink  

    What Does Being Bisexual Mean For My Marriage? 

    The short answer is that it means whatever you want it to mean, but before we get into the longer answer, a quick reminder of the simplest definition of what bisexuality actually is: Bisexuality is being attracted to more than one gender. This is the definition used by bisexualindex.org.uk. It doesn't mean anything more than that. It doesn't mean you or your spouse are going to act on those attractions. And it certainly doesn't mean that you have to act on those attractions.

    The longer answer is that having one or more identifying bisexuals in your marriage is a learning curve and greater communication between you both is vital. My husband told me he was bisexual and assumed that would be it, and things would carry on as normal. He also pointed out that I wasn't straight either. And while things are settling down now, it is a new normal, achieved after lots of honest and open talking. You know something extra about your spouse that they have shared with you, an important aspect of their personality.

    One of the reasons we started this blog is to counter some of the myths about bisexuality that seem rampant on the net. I made the mistake of googling bisexuality to try and learn more. There were many sites out there trying to be helpful, but in the end I just dissolved into tears reading about what I could expect in my life now.

    Apparently, as bisexuals, we'd never be satisfied with our one partner, and taking another lover on the side would be inevitable, as bisexuals could only ever be happy with a partner of each gender to play with. That is such rubbish. If your partner tells you they need to explore then that is cheating and it certainly isn't in the marriage contract. Having multiple partners is not inevitable and it certainly isn't the result of being bisexual. It is taking advantage of your monogamous partner. If your partner spins you this line, seriously consider where your relationship is going as it's possible they've already been cheating, or are about to. Think about it, you might like white men. You might also like Afro-Caribbean men, Japanese men, and Maori men. You are not going to have relations with one of each example of your attraction. It isn't about collecting a set. A marriage is about working at and sustaining a great relationship with one partner and only one.

    Another page, that was thrown up near the top of my google search, started off helpful, suggesting compassion and honesty towards your husband, but then went on to suggest that I might like to try sticking things up my husband's bottom, as he was sure to like it being as he's bisexual. I kid you not. By this point I was very unhappy, but on checking with my husband I was relieved to hear that he didn't want things stuck up him. He was trying not to actually laugh that I'd believe such rubbish. Sadly, when shit like this is thrown up by a quick basic Google search, no one is helped. I wonder how many others have read this and not been able to talk to their partners about it and therefore believed it.

    The net also told me that all bisexuals were cheaters. No, cheaters are cheaters, and they come in all varieties. If your partner has never cheated before, then it's our belief that they are unlikely to now. Even more so if they are being open and honest about their sexuality. That means you have a relationship with good communication and trust. And people in good relationships are less likely to do anything to hurt their partners. I see my husband as my best friend, my lover, my life partner, my soul mate, my biggest supporter. I cannot imagine ever doing anything to hurt him or our relationship and he feels the same about me. I am bisexual and I am not a cheater and I hope I never will be. He is a bisexual and is not a cheater. I will do everything I can to never become one and so will he. The key here is communication. Make sure you discuss what your limits and boundaries are. This is the key for any committed monogamous relationship of any persuasion. We have discussed how to avoid becoming inappropriately close to others, how to avoid situations where temptations might be present, how wearing your wedding ring daily helps clarify your status. These are good things to discuss whatever your orientation. Basically cheating is a choice. Loving someone and staying faithful is also a choice. It's up to you to uphold your wedding vows and make cheating a choice that neither you nor your spouse ever want to make. I'll make it very clear again: being bisexual has nothing to do with cheating or having multiple partners.

    The next stupid idea the Google search throws at me is that people have to physically  experiment to confirm their bisexual feelings are real. Men saying they had told their wives that they needed to go and explore with other men to be sure. Women saying they need to be intimate with other women. Okay, let's think about this. Think back to when you were a virgin. You knew what turned you on, right? You knew what genders you wanted to sleep with? Sleeping with people didn't confirm those feelings, you already knew them to be true. A bisexual is a bisexual whether or not they have ever had physical contact with more than one gender. Indeed, many bisexuals will never have physical relations with the opposite gender. It doesn't make them straight. It doesn't make them less of a bisexual. Being bisexual is nothing to do with who you have slept with. And a married person does not need to have physical relations with the opposite gender just to confirm they are bisexual. They already know it.

    The biggest change is realising that you are no longer in a straight marriage. The adjustment may be harder if only one of you is identifying as non-straight. Having a bisexual husband does not make you less of a woman and it does not make you less attractive. He is with you because he wanted to be with you and you wanted to be with him. Which leads me to the next piece of nonsense the net turned up: being bisexual is a halfway house on the journey to coming out as gay. This is not true. While some people do find their sexual orientation changes over the years, in general being bisexual is not a stop on the journey to becoming gay. It is not the inevitable outcome. Being bixesual is a destination in itself. Try looking at it this way. He picked you and you had more competition than you realised. However, when you start to work the odds out, if you are mixing in general society, then a bisexual male with still more likely end up with a female partner and a bisexual female end up with a man. For a bisexual person the extra percentage of people open to them is only a few percent more, as the majority of the opposite gender is straight, and so unavailable. This means that the bulk of the bisexual population is likely to be in mixed gender relationships. They can blend in and on the face of it pass as a straight couple, which seems to cause some annoyance to the gay community, as they feel this somehow makes the couple privileged in society. It also causes concern to bisexuals in an opposite gender relationship as they might feel that they are wrongly being counted as straight. More on that in a later post.

    However, the main point we want to make is that being bisexual means for your marriage whatever you want it to mean. Remember, that being bisexual means that your partner is attracted to your gender, as well as other genders. It does not mean they will turn gay. They are not gay. I will say it again: they are not gay! They are bisexual. They are attracted to you. They married you. The key to retaining a strong marriage is to talk openly, to set boundaries, to strengthen up the perimeters of your relationship, and remember why you got married in the first place. Hopefully that was because you found your best friend, your soulmate, the person you want to grow old with. Your bisexual spouse being attracted to other genders shouldn't be a big issue. Attraction doesn't have to be acted upon and bisexuality is not an excuse for cheating or having extra relationships. Keep the bigger picture of your marriage and life together in mind as you work through this change in your identity
     
  • MrandMrs 4:12 pm on July 16, 2015 Permalink  

    So You’re Bisexual Too? 

    We have been married a long time. A very long time. Eighteen years to be exact, and we’ve been a couple for nearly twenty one years. Our marriage has made it through the first ten years, when marriages are most likely to end in divorce, so that’s a really good start, and we’re heading towards the twenty year mark. I’m not that old either, having a couple of years to go before I hit the big 4-0, I just simply met my soulmate young and married him. It was the best decision I ever made.


    Right from the beginning we faced opposition from some people because of our age. This negativity came from friends, who on the whole fell away, as their lives were going in the more expected direction for teenagers. It also came from family too, as some felt that we couldn’t possibly make such an important decision as marrying at our age. The opposition only solidified the bond we felt towards each other and made us stronger as a couple. We were a team. A great team. And we still are, even though the grey hairs are now starting to make an appearance.


    Being husband and wife is the best thing in the world. The first time someone called me Mrs, I loved it. I still love it. Nothing makes me prouder than gesturing towards my better half and being able to refer to him as my husband, or having him call me his wife. It makes us a legal entity, a recognised team. It means that even though the world can be crappy and cruel, I know that I have an unconditional supporter to back me up and pick me up. And I hope I do the same for him. Life has thrown some major poop at us over the years, and yet we’ve weathered it and are still here. Still strong. Stronger than ever. That is what a great marriage can do. And that is why we have always supported same-sex marriage too. Our thinking being that everyone deserved to find the happiness that we have and then have the opportunity to declare that love publicly and legally through the institution of marriage. This desire for equality even led to us leaving the Church that we had only recently converted too (from being agnostic/atheist, but that's a whole other story). If the Church of England did not recognise a same sex marriage as legitimate, or a marriage without children, like ours, as valid, then it wasn't an organisation that we wanted to be on the membership list for.


    So we knew we both supported the rights of the LGBT community to equal marriage and equality in every other way. We enjoyed shows and films with LGBT characters. And we loved Orange is the New Black. But we were definitely straight, weren't we? After all that is what being married to someone of the opposite gender must mean, right? Maybe not.


    One morning, Mr M.B. emailed me a link to an article to read. This was nothing unusual, we passed articles to each other all the time. The only words in the message asked for my thoughts. The article was a written by a man about being married to a lady who had since told him she was a bisexual. It talked about how they were staying married and loved each other, and how she didn't want any other partners, just him. It was, looking back, a positive article about a couple staying together and staying monogamous. In hindsight, my husband could not have picked a better article to send me to start the discussion. Sadly, as I read, my thoughts were screaming lesbian, he is asking if you are a lesbian! I went cold and into full internal panic mode. Why have you sent me this, I asked, trying to sound neutral. Isn't it obvious, came the reply? Oh God, he thinks I'm a lesbian, my inner voice shouted. Strangely, looking back, there wasn't any mention of the word lesbian. It was all about the wife being bisexual. It's quite telling that I was so panicked, that I couldn't even read straight. No, I replied, you're going to have to spell it out. I'm bisexual came the reply. Oh, my brain replied.


    It turns out that in my husband's virtual run through in his head, it had gone like this -
    I read the article.
    I say, why yes, what an interesting article, I am bisexual.
    And then he'd reply, so am I.
    And then we would agree that it is quite a happy coincidence, before resuming daily life.


    It didn't play out like that. It turns out that while he may have come to realisations about himself, that he wanted to share with me, I was a little further behind. Strangely, even while being open minded and happy to watch things like Orange is the New Black, I'd interestingly never properly considered what bisexual actually meant. I would have told you some people like men and women, but I'd never thought much about it. When Piper's character was with a woman, I'd have said she was gay. When she was with a man I'd have said she was straight again, and so forth. We now know this is bisexual erasure. The idea that people don't understand, accept or acknowledge that bisexual people are able to be attracted to more than one gender, something distinct from being gay or lesbian. While somebody might be with an opposite gender partner, that doesn't make them straight. Nor does being with the opposite gender make someone gay. Being bisexual is all about attractions.  Bisexuals are attracted to more than one gender, and this makes them neither gay nor straight. Sexual partners are a manifestation of your sexual orientation, not the determining factor.  In fact you can be celibate or a virgin and still know you are bisexual.  Society needs to catch on to the idea.

    When I was sixteen I told a friend that I might be gay. She looked at me and replied that I wasn't, because I liked boys. That was true, I really liked boys, but I also liked girls too. But I wasn't gay, my friend had confirmed it, so I never really thought about it again. When I was seventeen I met my husband and we fell in love and I wanted to be with him both physically and romantically. So that made me straight. Honestly, I never considered bisexuality. It never dawned on me that it could have been a girl that I ended up with instead of my husband, but I now assume that if I had have ended up with a girl I would have called myself gay and then not questioned it. As I was married, I didn't want to spend much time thinking about anyone other than my husband in that sort of way. But he had known from comments I'd made over the years that I wasn't straight. What was obvious to him wasn't obvious to me. He had also known that he wasn't straight either, but he had tried to bury it. A long period of introspection and eventual acceptance had lead to him finally sharing the realisation. Again, the clues had been there, and given his non-conformity to male stereotypes, and some comments over the years, it wasn't much of the shock it might have been, but it still threw me. Looking back, considering we were both bisexual without really realising it, I don't think we knew what it meant to be totally straight, so couldn't see the obvious. But what would it mean for our marriage?
     
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