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  • Neil 2:59 pm on February 19, 2016 Permalink  

    Am I Bisexual? 

    Most bisexual people will have asked the question, ‘Am I bisexual?’, at some point in their lives.

    It’s understandable to feel uncertain because society feeds us a range of faulty messages about what it means to be bisexual: we’re going through a phase; we’re just confused gay or straight people; we must have equal levels of desire for men and women to be a ‘true’ bisexual, and even that we don’t exist!

    These messages are false, but they’re powerful, and they can lead bisexual people to doubt themselves. Many bisexuals get caught up in repetitive, negative thinking about whether they really are bisexual, and this can undermine confidence and lead to low self-esteem.

    If you’re not sure whether you are bisexual or not, these are the most important things to know:

    • No matter what society says; no matter what doubts you have as a result; if you are capable of sexual attraction to more than one gender, then you can identify as bisexual.
    • There is no such thing as a ‘true’ bisexual. There are many different ways of being bisexual.
    • You do not need to have had sex with members of both sexes to be bisexual. The key factor is attraction. A celibate monk who has never had sex, and a porn star who has had a lot of sex can both be bisexual.
    • You do not need to be attracted to both sexes in exactly the same way and to exactly the same extent. You might prefer men, you might prefer women, you might not have a preference, or your preference may change over time – it doesn’t matter, you are still 100% bisexual.
    • It is absolutely fine to be bisexual and unable to say whether you prefer one sex or another. Heterosexual and homosexual people are not required to say whether they prefer short or tall partners, or blonds or redheads. Likewise, you are under no obligation to clarify your sexual preferences for others.

    Choosing to assertively identify as bisexual is one of the most powerful things you can do to build self-esteem and confidence in your bisexuality. Embracing a bisexual identity boosts your self-esteem and challenges society’s misguided beliefs about bisexuals. It enables you to let go of asking yourself whether you are bisexual or not. It also grounds you in a community of like-minded people who you can reach out to for support and friendship.

    Overcoming your uncertainty will bring you confidence and a wonderful sense of freedom. You deserve to experience that.

     
  • Neil 2:59 pm on February 19, 2016 Permalink  

    Am I Bisexual? 

    Most bisexual people will have asked the question, ‘Am I bisexual?’, at some point in their lives.

    It’s understandable to feel uncertain because society feeds us a range of faulty messages about what it means to be bisexual: we’re going through a phase; we’re just confused gay or straight people; we must have equal levels of desire for men and women to be a ‘true’ bisexual, and even that we don’t exist!

    These messages are false, but they’re powerful, and they can lead bisexual people to doubt themselves. Many bisexuals get caught up in repetitive, negative thinking about whether they really are bisexual, and this can undermine confidence and lead to low self-esteem.

    If you’re not sure whether you are bisexual or not, these are the most important things to know:

    • No matter what society says; no matter what doubts you have as a result; if you are capable of sexual attraction to more than one gender, then you can identify as bisexual.
    • There is no such thing as a ‘true’ bisexual. There are many different ways of being bisexual.
    • You do not need to have had sex with members of both sexes to be bisexual. The key factor is attraction. A celibate monk who has never had sex, and a porn star who has had a lot of sex can both be bisexual.
    • You do not need to be attracted to both sexes in exactly the same way and to exactly the same extent. You might prefer men, you might prefer women, you might not have a preference, or your preference may change over time – it doesn’t matter, you are still 100% bisexual.
    • It is absolutely fine to be bisexual and unable to say whether you prefer one sex or another. Heterosexual and homosexual people are not required to say whether they prefer short or tall partners, or blonds or redheads. Likewise, you are under no obligation to clarify your sexual preferences for others.

    Choosing to assertively identify as bisexual is one of the most powerful things you can do to build self-esteem and confidence in your bisexuality. Embracing a bisexual identity boosts your self-esteem and challenges society’s misguided beliefs about bisexuals. It enables you to let go of asking yourself whether you are bisexual or not. It also grounds you in a community of like-minded people who you can reach out to for support and friendship.

    Overcoming your uncertainty will bring you confidence and a wonderful sense of freedom. You deserve to experience that.

     
  • Neil 11:01 am on August 25, 2015 Permalink  

    Interview: Eliel Cruz 

    Eliel Cruz is an articulate, passionate voice in the world of bisexual activism.  He’s a prolific journalist and vlogger, and I was delighted to include Eliel in my recent 5 Great Bisexual Blogs article.

    Here’s my interview with Eliel. I hope you find it useful. As Eliel says, ‘Bisexuality is valid, your experience matters, and most of all you matter.’

    -How did you come to identify as bisexual?

    Eliel Cruz: I didn’t know what bisexual was until I stumbled upon the word when I googled “I like boys and girls.” I was 11 and super excited to finally understand my sexuality. At the point, I thought you had to “choose” between being gay or straight one day. So I came out to myself at 11, then came out to friends and family around 14.

    -What are the main factors that have contributed to your sense of wellbeing as a bisexual person?

    I think writing has helped me heal a lot. I used to write diaries when I was young to keep myself sane. Now, as an adult, I write through the things I have gone through and continue to go through on huge platforms. This allows me to connect with thousands of bisexuals who have similar stories to me from across the world. This community and knowing that I’m far from alone helps me tremendously.

    -Can you share a coming out story?

    My coming out story is complicated. I came out to friends at a private Christian academy during my freshman year of high school. After I came out word got out to my school’s administration. I was “asked to leave.” This made me come out to my family but it was quickly swept under the rug. I came out when I was 18 to my family when I was on my way to college. They have always been loving and accepting which has helped ground me and deal with biphobia.

    -What advice would you give to someone who thinks they might be bisexual and are unsure what to do?

    There isn’t a rush. Don’t feel like you need to ID a certain way under a certain time frame. Educate yourself in the definition, and history, of bisexuality. Perhaps most importantly, know you’re not alone. There are many others out there with similar experiences. Bisexuality is valid, your experience matters, and most of all you matter. Find community, whether in person or online, and always reach out to bisexual activists or organizations with any questions you may have.

    Eliel Cruz is a speaker and writer on religion, (bi)sexuality, and a culture critic. He reports regularly for The Advocate and has a column on the intersections of faith, sexuality, and gender at Religion News Service. His work has also been found in the Huffington Post, Mic, Sojourners, Washington Post, Patheos, Everyday Feminism, DETAILS Magazine, Rolling Stone, VICE, and Slate.

    He’s the co-founder and former president of the Intercollegiate Adventist Gay-Straight Alliance Coalition, an organization that advocates for safe spaces for LGBT students at Seventh-day Adventist colleges. He has a BBA & BA in International Business and French Studies from Andrews University.

     
  • Neil 10:01 am on August 25, 2015 Permalink  

    Interview: Eliel Cruz (Journalist & Campaigner) 

    Eliel Cruz is an articulate, passionate voice in the world of bisexual activism.  He’s a prolific journalist and vlogger, and I was delighted to include Eliel in my recent 5 Great Bisexual Blogs article.

    Here’s my interview with Eliel. I hope you find it useful. As Eliel says, ‘Bisexuality is valid, your experience matters, and most of all you matter.’

    -How did you come to identify as bisexual?

    Eliel Cruz: I didn’t know what bisexual was until I stumbled upon the word when I googled “I like boys and girls.” I was 11 and super excited to finally understand my sexuality. At the point, I thought you had to “choose” between being gay or straight one day. So I came out to myself at 11, then came out to friends and family around 14.

    -What are the main factors that have contributed to your sense of wellbeing as a bisexual person?

    I think writing has helped me heal a lot. I used to write diaries when I was young to keep myself sane. Now, as an adult, I write through the things I have gone through and continue to go through on huge platforms. This allows me to connect with thousands of bisexuals who have similar stories to me from across the world. This community and knowing that I’m far from alone helps me tremendously.

    -Can you share a coming out story?

    My coming out story is complicated. I came out to friends at a private Christian academy during my freshman year of high school. After I came out word got out to my school’s administration. I was “asked to leave.” This made me come out to my family but it was quickly swept under the rug. I came out when I was 18 to my family when I was on my way to college. They have always been loving and accepting which has helped ground me and deal with biphobia.

    -What advice would you give to someone who thinks they might be bisexual and are unsure what to do?

    There isn’t a rush. Don’t feel like you need to ID a certain way under a certain time frame. Educate yourself in the definition, and history, of bisexuality. Perhaps most importantly, know you’re not alone. There are many others out there with similar experiences. Bisexuality is valid, your experience matters, and most of all you matter. Find community, whether in person or online, and always reach out to bisexual activists or organizations with any questions you may have.

    Eliel Cruz is a speaker and writer on religion, (bi)sexuality, and a culture critic. He reports regularly for The Advocate and has a column on the intersections of faith, sexuality, and gender at Religion News Service. His work has also been found in the Huffington Post, Mic, Sojourners, Washington Post, Patheos, Everyday Feminism, DETAILS Magazine, Rolling Stone, VICE, and Slate.

    He’s the co-founder and former president of the Intercollegiate Adventist Gay-Straight Alliance Coalition, an organization that advocates for safe spaces for LGBT students at Seventh-day Adventist colleges. He has a BBA & BA in International Business and French Studies from Andrews University.

     
  • Neil 2:56 pm on July 29, 2015 Permalink  

    Interview: Nicole Kristal (Still Bisexual campaign) 

    I was delighted earlier this week to do an email interview with Nicole Kristal, founder of the Still Bisexual video campaign and co-author of ‘The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe‘.

    Nicole is a hugely positive and inspirational voice in the world of bisexual activism.  The Still Bisexual campaign is doing an amazing job of challenging the myths and stereotypes about bisexuality that remain so widespread in our society.

    Her reflections below on bisexual wellbeing are really insightful, and I hope you find them useful.  As Nicole says, ‘Trust yourself. Don’t let the world define your attractions.’

    How did you come to identify as bisexual?

    Nicole Kristal: I always kind of had crushes on my best friends in high school. I was interested in male classmates, too, but I wasn’t really on their radar. Eventually, I fell in love with a woman in 11th grade and we had a secret relationship. I came out my freshman year of college as bisexual and dated men and women throughout college.

    What are the main factors that have contributed to your sense of wellbeing as a bisexual person?

    Coming out constantly. Being as out as I can be, no matter how hard it is. The world wants to see you as straight or gay, so it takes a lot of energy to remind people there’s something in between. If you are bi, but you’re moving through the world not being seen as a bisexual person, you can quite quickly start to feel like an outcast in most scenes and accrue some shame. We are outnumbered in most social situations so it’s important to be visible and live your truth.

    Can you share a coming out story?

    I came out to my mother the summer after my first year of college. She told me she was bisexual, too. It just goes to show that coming out as bisexual, you can never predict the response.

    What advice would you give to someone who thinks they might be bisexual and are unsure what to do?

    My main advice would be TRUST YOURSELF. Don’t let the world define your attractions. Deep down, you know what you’re attracted to. I would definitely start to follow BiNet and StillBisexual on Facebook and Twitter. Introduce yourself and let people know your situation and fears. You will be surprised at the amount of support you will get. Most of us came out without the online support that is available now, and it’s such a safe way to get the support you need before you feel brave enough to go to a bi or gay social event, which I recommend once you feel ready to come out.

    Nicole Kristal is founder of the Still Bisexual YouTube campaign and co-author of ‘The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe‘.

     
  • Neil 1:56 pm on July 29, 2015 Permalink  

    Interview: Nicole Kristal (Still Bisexual campaign) 

    I was delighted earlier this week to do an email interview with Nicole Kristal, founder of the Still Bisexual video campaign and co-author of ‘The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe‘.

    Nicole is a hugely positive and inspirational voice in the world of bisexual activism.  The Still Bisexual campaign is doing an amazing job of challenging the myths and stereotypes about bisexuality that remain so widespread in our society.

    Her reflections below on bisexual wellbeing are really insightful, and I hope you find them useful.  As Nicole says, ‘Trust yourself. Don’t let the world define your attractions.’

    How did you come to identify as bisexual?

    Nicole Kristal: I always kind of had crushes on my best friends in high school. I was interested in male classmates, too, but I wasn’t really on their radar. Eventually, I fell in love with a woman in 11th grade and we had a secret relationship. I came out my freshman year of college as bisexual and dated men and women throughout college.

    What are the main factors that have contributed to your sense of wellbeing as a bisexual person?

    Coming out constantly. Being as out as I can be, no matter how hard it is. The world wants to see you as straight or gay, so it takes a lot of energy to remind people there’s something in between. If you are bi, but you’re moving through the world not being seen as a bisexual person, you can quite quickly start to feel like an outcast in most scenes and accrue some shame. We are outnumbered in most social situations so it’s important to be visible and live your truth.

    Can you share a coming out story?

    I came out to my mother the summer after my first year of college. She told me she was bisexual, too. It just goes to show that coming out as bisexual, you can never predict the response.

    What advice would you give to someone who thinks they might be bisexual and are unsure what to do?

    My main advice would be TRUST YOURSELF. Don’t let the world define your attractions. Deep down, you know what you’re attracted to. I would definitely start to follow BiNet and StillBisexual on Facebook and Twitter. Introduce yourself and let people know your situation and fears. You will be surprised at the amount of support you will get. Most of us came out without the online support that is available now, and it’s such a safe way to get the support you need before you feel brave enough to go to a bi or gay social event, which I recommend once you feel ready to come out.

    Nicole Kristal is founder of the Still Bisexual YouTube campaign and co-author of ‘The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe‘.

     
  • Neil 3:50 pm on July 23, 2015 Permalink  

    Bicurious or Bisexual? It’s Your Choice 

    Identifying as bisexual can bring many benefits, but it’s not the only identity available to people who experience attraction to more than one gender.  Terms such as bicurious, heteroflexible, homoflexible, ‘mostly straight’ and ‘mostly gay’ all create spaces for people to develop new understandings and ways of expressing their sexual desires.  They can all be tools to help us interact effectively and happily in the world, used alone or even in combination.

    Which identity you prefer depends, in part, on what your sexual attractions mean to you.  My attractions to women and men have been significant to me, so it makes sense to me to identify as bisexual.  It feels integral to my sense of who I am.  No other term but bisexual would do justice to my experience.   Calling myself bisexual also functions as a simple descriptor of who I can be attracted to.  It’s a way of being honest and clear with myself and other people.

    Some people who experience attraction to both men and women find that the term bisexual doesn’t fit them so well.  A 2013 review of multiple studies on sexual attraction found that up to 23% of women and 9% of men identified as ‘mostly heterosexual’. Mostly heterosexuals (MHs) were found to have greater same sex attraction than heterosexuals, but less than those who identified as bisexual.  MHs reported experiencing minor same-sex attractions which were purely sexual in nature, and lacking any romantic element.  The review also found that MH is an enduring sexual orientation, and not a temporary or one-off experience.

    The MH label was provided as an option on the surveys that informed the studies, so it’s unlikely that many people actually use this term to describe themselves in real life.  MHs probably identify as heterosexual, but they might also use identifiers like bicurious or heteroflexible in certain contexts such as dating sites.

    An MH could also choose to identify as bisexual.  Bisexual identity includes people with almost any degree of attraction to more than one gender.  So, if you’ve been attracted to 500 women in your life and only 1 man, then it’s entirely legitimate to identify as bisexual, if that’s what feels right to you. Alternatively, if your attraction is heavily weighted to one gender, you might decide to choose a label like bicurious or hetero/homoflexible, or even a monosexual label such as straight or gay.

    There’s no obligation to adopt any sexual identity at all, if you don’t want to. It can, though, be advantageous if you do. Labels and identities can help us find communities of like-minded people, so that we can build supportive relationships with others.  They’re also tools which enable us to understand ourselves and our desires.  They help other people understand us better, too.

    But sexual identities are not prisons.  We are free to adopt different labels at different times of our lives, should our understanding of our desires change.  Sexual labels are not fixed, scientific descriptors of some absolute reality. In fact, sexual identities were invented in the 19th century by the pioneering academic sexologists seeking to study and categorise sexual behavior.

    The work of Alfred Kinsey and subsequent sex researchers has since shown that sexuality is complex and can’t always be expressed in simple categories.  As LGBT activist Peter Tatchell has argued, if a post-homophobic, post-biphobic society ever develops, then sexual identities could even become redundant.  Until that time, however, sexual identities will remain essential tools of understanding and activism.

    There is no one right way for any person to identify.  The important thing is that we feel comfortable with the identity we choose.

    So, bisexual or bicurious? It doesn’t matter, as long as you’ve found an identity that works for you.

     
  • Neil 2:50 pm on July 23, 2015 Permalink  

    Bicurious or Bisexual? It’s Your Choice 

    Identifying as bisexual can bring many benefits, but it’s not the only identity available to people who experience attraction to more than one gender.  Terms such as bicurious, heteroflexible, homoflexible, ‘mostly straight’ and ‘mostly gay’ all create spaces for people to develop new understandings and ways of expressing their sexual desires.  They can all be tools to help us interact effectively and happily in the world, used alone or even in combination.

    Which identity you prefer depends, in part, on what your sexual attractions mean to you.  My attractions to women and men have been significant to me, so it makes sense to me to identify as bisexual.  It feels integral to my sense of who I am.  No other term but bisexual would do justice to my experience.   Calling myself bisexual also functions as a simple descriptor of who I can be attracted to.  It’s a way of being honest and clear with myself and other people.

    Some people who experience attraction to both men and women find that the term bisexual doesn’t fit them so well.  A 2013 review of multiple studies on sexual attraction found that up to 23% of women and 9% of men identified as ‘mostly heterosexual’. Mostly heterosexuals (MHs) were found to have greater same sex attraction than heterosexuals, but less than those who identified as bisexual.  MHs reported experiencing minor same-sex attractions which were purely sexual in nature, and lacking any romantic element.  The review also found that MH is an enduring sexual orientation, and not a temporary or one-off experience.

    The MH label was provided as an option on the surveys that informed the studies, so it’s unlikely that many people actually use this term to describe themselves in real life.  MHs probably identify as heterosexual, but they might also use identifiers like bicurious or heteroflexible in certain contexts such as dating sites.

    An MH could also choose to identify as bisexual.  Bisexual identity includes people with almost any degree of attraction to more than one gender.  So, if you’ve been attracted to 500 women in your life and only 1 man, then it’s entirely legitimate to identify as bisexual, if that’s what feels right to you. Alternatively, if your attraction is heavily weighted to one gender, you might decide to choose a label like bicurious or hetero/homoflexible, or even a monosexual label such as straight or gay.

    There’s no obligation to adopt any sexual identity at all, if you don’t want to. It can, though, be advantageous if you do. Labels and identities can help us find communities of like-minded people, so that we can build supportive relationships with others.  They’re also tools which enable us to understand ourselves and our desires.  They help other people understand us better, too.

    But sexual identities are not prisons.  We are free to adopt different labels at different times of our lives, should our understanding of our desires change.  Sexual labels are not fixed, scientific descriptors of some absolute reality. In fact, sexual identities were invented in the 19th century by the pioneering academic sexologists seeking to study and categorise sexual behavior.

    The work of Alfred Kinsey and subsequent sex researchers has since shown that sexuality is complex and can’t always be expressed in simple categories.  As LGBT activist Peter Tatchell has argued, if a post-homophobic, post-biphobic society ever develops, then sexual identities could even become redundant.  Until that time, however, sexual identities will remain essential tools of understanding and activism.

    There is no one right way for any person to identify.  The important thing is that we feel comfortable with the identity we choose.

    So, bisexual or bicurious? It doesn’t matter, as long as you’ve found an identity that works for you.

     
  • Neil 4:14 pm on July 16, 2015 Permalink  

    How Suppressing Unwanted Sexual Desire Impacts Bisexual Health 

    Dr David Ley’s recent Psychology Today article, which argues that closeted bisexual men are being incorrectly diagnosed as sex addicts, raises an issue of relevance to all bisexual people: namely that suppressing unwanted sexual desire can seriously impact our health and wellbeing.

    Ley details his clinical experience of bisexual men, married to women, who are troubled by their same-sex attractions and secretly engage in risky and prolific sex with strangers.  When such men seek treatment, therapists overlook the individual’s sexual orientation, and opt to diagnose sex addiction.

    Ley questions the diagnosis, believing instead that intense stigma around male bisexuality leads some bisexual men to attempt to suppress their same-sex desire.  This suppression then leads to explosive outbursts of desire, which in turn can lead to promiscuous behavior. This behavior can then cause relationship and health issues. These men see their same-sex desires as symptoms of a disease which needs to be treated. So do the therapists, hence the addiction label.

    I think Ley makes a strong case, and his call for greater understanding of and support for bisexual men is welcome. But I’d add that you don’t have to be married, male or closeted to experience the internalised homophobia and biphobia that can lead to suppression of unwanted sexual desire. Compulsive sexual behaviour is also not an inevitable consequence of suppression. Unhappiness and low self-esteem might be the more common, if less exciting, results of trying to suppress your natural sexual inclinations.

    If we’re uncomfortable with our bisexuality, then it’s understandable that we might try to suppress or avoid unwanted sexual desires.  Some bisexual people may even have received misguided advice to focus only on their opposite sex desires, as a way of avoiding the prejudice and oppression aimed at same-sex desire and relationships.   While same-sex desire is the most likely target of suppression, some bisexual people might want to suppress opposite sex attraction for fear that it might alienate them from a gay partner or community.

    When I was younger I was often troubled by my same-sex desires. I reasoned to myself that as I had sexual desires for both men and women, I could choose to focus my sexual fantasy and behavior on women only.  This way I could still be sexually satisfied and happy, while also avoiding the struggle of coming out and dealing with prejudice.

    The problem is that suppression just doesn’t work.  Sexual desire arises naturally whether we want it to or not.  By ignoring it or pushing it away, as the men in David Ley’s article did, it actually becomes more insistent and more of a feature in your life than it would otherwise be. The process of battling unwanted sexual desires wastes mental energy, and guarantees that you’ll remain uncomfortable with your bisexuality. And if you’re uncomfortable with being bisexual, then that will undermine your confidence and diminish your overall wellbeing.

    To become comfortable in your skin as a bisexual person, you have to give yourself permission to experience all of your sexual desire.  When I gave up on trying to push away my same-sex desires, I experienced a new sense of peace and calm. It was a significant moment in my journey to self-acceptance and wellbeing.

    How you behave sexually is up to you and will differ for every individual.  But when it comes to your inner life, the key thing is to allow your desires to run free.  Let your private world of fantasy and desire be a liberal, relaxing place.  You don’t need an internal police force to monitor what’s going on there. Everything is permitted!

    An enduring sense of wellbeing can only develop when we’re free to experience and enjoy attraction to whoever we like.

     
  • Neil 3:14 pm on July 16, 2015 Permalink  

    How Suppressing Unwanted Sexual Desire Impacts Bisexual Health 

    Dr David Ley’s recent Psychology Today article, which argues that closeted bisexual men are being incorrectly diagnosed as sex addicts, raises an issue of relevance to all bisexual people: namely that suppressing unwanted sexual desire can seriously impact our health and wellbeing.

    Ley details his clinical experience of bisexual men, married to women, who are troubled by their same-sex attractions and secretly engage in risky and prolific sex with strangers.  When such men seek treatment, therapists overlook the individual’s sexual orientation, and opt to diagnose sex addiction.

    Ley questions the diagnosis, believing instead that intense stigma around male bisexuality leads some bisexual men to attempt to suppress their same-sex desire.  This suppression then leads to explosive outbursts of desire, which in turn can lead to promiscuous behavior. This behavior can then cause relationship and health issues. These men see their same-sex desires as symptoms of a disease which needs to be treated. So do the therapists, hence the addiction label.

    I think Ley makes a strong case, and his call for greater understanding of and support for bisexual men is welcome. But I’d add that you don’t have to be married, male or closeted to experience the internalised homophobia and biphobia that can lead to suppression of unwanted sexual desire. Compulsive sexual behaviour is also not an inevitable consequence of suppression. Unhappiness and low self-esteem might be the more common, if less exciting, results of trying to suppress your natural sexual inclinations.

    If we’re uncomfortable with our bisexuality, then it’s understandable that we might try to suppress or avoid unwanted sexual desires.  Some bisexual people may even have received misguided advice to focus only on their opposite sex desires, as a way of avoiding the prejudice and oppression aimed at same-sex desire and relationships.   While same-sex desire is the most likely target of suppression, some bisexual people might want to suppress opposite sex attraction for fear that it might alienate them from a gay partner or community.

    When I was younger I was often troubled by my same-sex desires. I reasoned to myself that as I had sexual desires for both men and women, I could choose to focus my sexual fantasy and behavior on women only.  This way I could still be sexually satisfied and happy, while also avoiding the struggle of coming out and dealing with prejudice.

    The problem is that suppression just doesn’t work.  Sexual desire arises naturally whether we want it to or not.  By ignoring it or pushing it away, as the men in David Ley’s article did, it actually becomes more insistent and more of a feature in your life than it would otherwise be. The process of battling unwanted sexual desires wastes mental energy, and guarantees that you’ll remain uncomfortable with your bisexuality. And if you’re uncomfortable with being bisexual, then that will undermine your confidence and diminish your overall wellbeing.

    To become comfortable in your skin as a bisexual person, you have to give yourself permission to experience all of your sexual desire.  When I gave up on trying to push away my same-sex desires, I experienced a new sense of peace and calm. It was a significant moment in my journey to self-acceptance and wellbeing.

    How you behave sexually is up to you and will differ for every individual.  But when it comes to your inner life, the key thing is to allow your desires to run free.  Let your private world of fantasy and desire be a liberal, relaxing place.  You don’t need an internal police force to monitor what’s going on there. Everything is permitted!

    An enduring sense of wellbeing can only develop when we’re free to experience and enjoy attraction to whoever we like.

     
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