Bi Bloggers

Equal marriage: why we need equal civil partnerships too

BiBloggers Admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 08:39:19 +0000

A guest post by Edward Lord which originally appeared on his blog here. Tim Loughton MP, the sponsor of yesterday evening’s amendment to the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill which would have introduced Civil Partnerships for opposite sex couples, does not have a record of supporting LGBT equality. Indeed, his motives in putting forward the..

Welcome to my life… I came up with this bingo card as a…

Blogging in shadows — Thu, 16 May 2013 17:11:00 +0000

Welcome to my life…

I came up with this bingo card as a way to keep sane whilst hanging out with white geeky folks. If you’re bisexual and you live in the U.K, hanging out with white geeky folks will be an unavoidable fact of life.

I’ve learned how to nod and look appreciative when people blather on about the focus of their lives, when their lives actively ignore anyone who is black, poor, not a programmer, or entrenched in a very specific range of British-isms. So instead of feeling sad, I can have fun shouting BINGO! at random moments during the evening.

This basic bingo card is very British-specific, so if you live elsewhere, go forth and make your own regional specialty.

P.S - Linux totally needs to go on the next expanded bingo card.

Will being bisexual affect my career?

EsmeT — Wed, 15 May 2013 10:37:00 +0000

This post is inspired by my last few weeks considering my third year (next year). It will be my last year of my vocational honours degree, and so comes with a few extra things on the to do list. A work placement, a 2500 words self-evaluation essay, and...

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans Public Health Outcomes Framework Companion Document

Grant Denkinson — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:12:56 +0000

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans Public Health Outcomes Framework Companion Document is a resource for all those commissioning and delivering healthcare services in order to support the delivery of an equitable public health system.

http://www.lgf.org.uk/phof

The LGB&T PHOF Companion Document is intended primarily for Health and Wellbeing Boards and public health teams, as well as local authorities, the NHS, and voluntary and community organisations that commission and provide services, as a resource to improve the health and wellbeing of the diverse LGB&T communities they serve.

The report includes bisexuality throughout, though usually with bi and gay men together and lesbians and bi women.

Bi specific bits:

pg. 8:
There is limited research into bisexuality. However, there is evidence for bisexual men and women of increased
risk of eating disorders, mental ill health and increased alcohol consumption compared to lesbians and their
heterosexual peers. Although bisexual women are more likely to have tested for sexually transmitted diseases than
lesbian women, significantly fewer bisexual men have ever been for an STD or HIV test than gay men.

pg. 11:
The national Integrated Household Survey included sexual orientation as a dimension in 2010. This found that
self-reported health was slightly better among lesbians and gay men than heterosexuals, but much worse among
bisexuals and those identifying with another non-heterosexual identity.
and
pg. 36:
The Healthy Life Expectancy section on page 11 includes data
on self-reported health, which suggests that self-reported health is slightly better among lesbians and gay men
than heterosexual people but much worse among bisexuals and those identifying with another non-heterosexual
identity.

pg. 13:
It is important to remember the increasing number of LGB&T identifying parents: an estimated 8% of lesbian and gay
people and 30% of bisexuals live in a household with one or more dependant children.

pg. 15:
2 in 5 lesbian women, 1 in 3 gay men and 1 in 4 bisexual men have experienced negative or mixed reactions from
mental health professionals.

pg. 27:
There is a lack of data on smoking amongst LGB&T people aged 15 in the UK, although US research found that
bisexual young people are twice as likely to smoke regularly as their heterosexual and homosexual peers.

pg. 31:
LGB people demonstrate a higher likelihood of being substance dependent, with between 4 and 13% of drug users
scoring as dependent. Dependence is highest amongst gay men and bisexual men and women.

pg. 47:
Bisexual and queer identified people are more likely than lesbians or gay men to have thought about and
attempted suicide in the past five years.

The report is referenced throughout. Bi specific references:

15 Jeffries, W.L, Dodge, B and Sandfort, T.G.M. ‘Religion and spirituality among bisexual Black Men in the USA’,
Culture, Health & Sexuality, 10:4, 2008, 463-477.

18 Guasp, A and Taylor, J. ‘Bisexuality – Stonewall Health Briefing’, London, Stonewall, 2012. http://www.healthylives.stonewall.org.uk/lgb-health/briefings/bisexuality.aspx

93 Saewyc, E. M., Homma, Y., Skay, C. L., Bearinger, L. H., Resnick, M. D., & Reis, E. (2009). Protective Factors in the Lives
of Bisexual Adolescents in North America. American Journal of Public Health, 99, 110-117

166 Count Me In Too: Bisexual Lives Community Summary, University of Brighton, 2009

I recognise and respect a number of the authors of the document and it seems pretty comprehensive. Do we have any more bi stuff to add to a companion to the companion document?

comments

Jessie J the bisexual

EsmeT — Sun, 12 May 2013 19:24:00 +0000

"I've never denied it. They say how my sexuality isn’t “exclusive”, but I’ve never hidden it – even in the early days. I’m not afraid to say I’m very comfortable with who I am and I love who I love.’ Whoopie doo guys, yes, I've dated girls and I've dated boys – get over it. It’s the person, not the genitals. The frustrating thing is that if I was with a guy right now, I’d be [considered] straight. But if I was with a girl, I’d be “gay.” When I was with my ex-girlfriend, I used to take her around and say, “This is my girlfriend.” People would be comfortable with it because I was. That’s what annoys me about the media. The bisexual label irritates me. They'd never write 'Adele – the straight singer', but that's how the world works. I don’t drink or smoke, so this is what people like to talk about. I’ve never tried to make [my sexuality] something that’s going to put me in newspapers or magazines. I’m never, ever going to let it be something that sells my music. Sexuality shouldn’t define you. It should be part of who you are."
- Jesse J.

For me, she and Anna Paquin are my favourite popular culture bisexual role models. They have different stories - Jesse never came out to the public as such, she just was, whereas Paquin did a public announcement in support of an LGBT equality campaign - but there's something about their breeziness about their sexuality, and their candour, that I really like.

By not making a big deal, by getting exasperated at the media's obsession with it, by being entirely honest and unapologetic about who they, by being successful as themselves, and by claiming the right in their public presence to be a full member of society as a whole, rather than sticking with being only a queer public presence, they are what pop culture needs, what we need in pop culture, to elbow our way to normalising bisexuality.

They are my role models, and I was honoured enough to be told today that I'm like a role model to a woman thirty years older than me, for exactly the same reasons - how casual, unapologetic, comfortable, and open I am about who I am and who I fall in love with. But I can't take all the credit - it would be harder if I wasn't encouraged by the examples of those bisexual celebrities who are not exactly Out & Proud bisexuals, but Out & So What? bisexuals. More please, popular culture.

Coming Out to…the Sensible Friend

Traveller_23 — Sat, 11 May 2013 12:19:00 +0000

My Thoughts

I first met her at college in Bangladesh. She's one of a great group of friends I made back home, the real close kind I never thought I'd make so many of. We've always gotten on really well. We're wired the same way, with our to-do lists, control-freak tendencies and drive for perfectionism! In college, she was the nice, smart girl who was out to do good in the world, and had goals that I really respected. But she went to university in the US: the distance and our new lives caused us not to grow apart, but just to generally grow while we were away from each other. A lot has happened to both of us while we've been away for our degrees, and we may never have shared these stories if I hadn't decided to come out to her.

She was the third friend told be told, and the first born-and-bred Muslim Bangladeshi that I was going to disclose my bisexuality to, and as such I was more than a little nervous. I knew that she was at least a little religious, and I worried that this would colour her views negatively. But I also knew that she was open minded, and not the kind of person to hurt me even if she didn't 'agree' with my sexuality. Yet that didn't stop me from worrying about our friendship, and what would happen if she was intolerant or uncomfortable with sexual diversity. Another big question on my mind was something I think many will be familiar with: will she keep this a secret even if she doesn't take it well?

I had to do this regardless of how she reacted though. She wasn't the kind of friend I could stay closeted from. We were close, and I started feeling that keeping this from her getting disrespectful. I still procrastinated, however, and conveniently I never saw her online for a couple of weeks. Until I did, and I actually made plans to Skype her at a specific time so we could talk. I chickened out of telling her by saying it out loud though. I said I had something to tell her, that it was big and I wanted to type it rather than say it. And then I typed it out, just like I had for my best friend a few months ago.

Her reaction was nothing like I expected. My confession caused here to launch into a speech about how she believed sexuality existed on a continuum, and that she was not necessarily completely straight herself. Major shock. I couldn't believe I had a friend from Bangladesh who thought they might not be straight. So these stories about closeted friends around you could be true after all! What followed was an exciting exchange of information. She went on to enquire about my mental health, stress levels and generally made sure I was okay. It was touching, and the talk really helped us bond again. She shared quite a bit about herself, her own mental health and the trials and tribulations that come with moving to university thousands of miles away from friends and family. We talked about life, and how everything was different now. She didn't necessarily have the answers - we talked about us, our minds and our sexualities. Not about how we would deal with it practically, what we would do in the long term or what it meant religiously. I've been planning and planning the practical my whole life, and just to stop and talk about myself rather than my plans was elating in a way I can't describe. We've talked about and around the issue of sexuality many times since. She's helped me focus and vocalise my own thoughts and opinions, and I've come to know myself better as a consequence. Writing this now, I can't help but feel that coming out to her is what has made us friends again like we were in college.

Her Thoughts

I wasn’t shocked when he came out to me. More specifically, I wasn’t shocked that he wasn’t straight. We’ve always teased him about being a closet homosexual. What did surprise me was that I’d never considered that he may have been bi. There may be a lot of dialogue out there about LGBT rights, but I don’t think I have been much exposed to dialogue about being bisexual. As acceptance of homosexuality increases, I think we’re just starting to assume that there are two types of people in the world. Gay or straight. I had always been sure I was straight. After he told me about his experience coming out, I asked him if he thought I might be bi too. He said he wouldn’t be surprised. Apparently I have never talked about guys the way other girls do. I was thinking more along the lines of how sometimes I had thought about girls the way I would normally think about guys and then wondered why that was because I knew I wasn’t gay.

Not very long after, another close friend, different gender this time but also Bangladeshi, also came out to me about being bi. Actually, came out would be the wrong term. It was more like she updated me about the status of her sexuality. Apparently she has been conducting “social experiments” so that she could understand herself better. And she was trying to place herself on the Kinsey scale. This was when I realized just how *not* discrete someone’s sexuality could be. The isolated thoughts I’ve had about girls made sense to me. I wondered whether I wanted to explore my sexuality too. She encouraged me to conduct “social experiments” too, but I wasn’t interested. However, I did ask a bunch of people of both genders awkward questions about their thoughts and tendencies.

Why am I writing about this? Because my blogger friend here asked me to write about my reaction to his coming out to me. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say. I didn’t feel any different about him or anything. But that conversation did set me on the trajectory of 'non-discretizing' the world around me, and to an extent learn a little bit more about myself. I’m not gonna talk about that; and to be honest, I find that I don’t really care. From what I may have gathered through asking awkward questions, I could be straight, I could be bi, or heck, I could even be asexual. But the interesting thing is that I’m probably a mixture of all the above. Human sexuality is an extremely complex thing and it really deserves to be studied more.

And how does religion figure into all of this? Well, it doesn’t really. Not for me. I can sympathize with my friend trying to reconcile his identity as Muslim with his sexuality. It cannot be easy. But I face no religious conflict regarding my “acceptance” of him. I don’t fear for his soul or whatever. In fact, I can’t really tell you about my religious views, only that it has been a while since I’ve viewed the world through a religious lens and I’ve started to rely on my judgment and conscience to make decisions or form impressions of other people. I can understand why he might have been nervous on this front before telling me. I was going through my “religious phase” when I first knew him. I don’t think I really talked to him about this, but this “phase” was when I tried to reconcile a lot of my ideals with mainstream religious ideals. Over the last couple of years, I suppose I’ve relaxed my religious ideals to an extent that I never even bring them up. It wasn’t a conscious decision. So when he came out to me, I never even thought about religious implications until he specifically asked me to share my thoughts on the matter.

That is not to say I was always a very liberal person when came to sexuality. Back in the A Level days, I certainly liked to think I was very *open minded* because my friends and I didn’t pretend like homosexuality didn’t exist. We’d laugh over what it would be like if we were gay (who needs guys anyways, right?) and we’d put gay characters in skits we made up. But none of that meant we thought it was *okay* to be gay. I’ve even heard something tell me people chose their sexualities early in life by choosing which pheromones to respond to. And I even sort of believed that back then (yeah I know!). But my ideas have changed as I’ve gradually come to understand the complexity and nuances of people. I’ve talked to people, read journal articles, taken a class in brain and behavior. I guess maybe you could say I’ve grown up a little. My friend waited a while to tell me, but I get it. I don’t think he owed me the truth or anything. It didn’t matter when and if he came out to me. Because it really doesn’t affect our friendship in any way. That being said, I’m glad he did tell me because it gave us something new to talk about. It gave a chance to get to know each other again, because so much had changed since we first knew each other. And it helped us build a more mature friendship.

Inspired by Too Many recent LGBT activist & organiser spaces…

Jen — Wed, 08 May 2013 22:12:00 +0000

BiCon Same-sex relationships session – submitted

Grant Denkinson — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:19:07 +0000

Have proposed:Workshop title: Same-sex relationshipsDescription:While many of us are open to same-sex relationships, there haven't been a lot of BiCon sessions focussing on them so I will facilitate informal conversation at this session about same-sex ...

Bi Life… 10 years ago!

Jen — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I just found an old email, and it turns out that the conference where the "Bisexual Life in Manchester" report was launched was held on 29th September 2003. Just coming up on ten years ago.Gosh.This was the first bit of 'proper' research on bi ne...

Hysterectomy: a beginning

Blogging in shadows — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 09:29:52 +0000

I almost forgot:

I no longer have a womb.

When I come crying out hard;

Swearing “Fuck!” to the ceiling,

My cunt tightens, implodes under my fingers.

The space where my womb used to be

Becomes a vacuum.

Nature may hate it, but I don’t.

For every time I come I feel a spark:

A flicker of life in my innermost parts.

Something is growing. Something moves.

I squeeze my eyes shut. I imagine a bloom

Of pure energy.

Drawn out of pleasure,

A hopeful alien life reaches out.

A concept that nobody spoke of,

Until they took my cervix and my womb

To save my life;

To give me something new.

Life after a hysterectomy? Yes.

Sexual desire after a hysterectomy? Yes

Mind-altering orgasms after a hysterectomy? Hell Yes!