When I was a teenager, I was gay. I went to college away from home and had a chance to really explore my sexuality, my identity, my self. I met a guy, we started dating. Eventually I decided to come out to my parents.
In a letter I wrote to them I told them I was gay. I was going out with a man. He was twelve years older than me, and married. He was from Singapore.
On the phone shortly afterwards my mother was horrified. “He’s not British and he’s married, and .. and he’s a man!” She was far more upset about the race than she was about the homosexuality, although she did keep saying that my Father was “sick with worry”.
When I went home to visit them next break, she started on about “Gay men are never happy, you know.” “How many have you met, Mum?” “Well, none. But my sister knows one.” I found my Dad in the garden, doing some weeding. He said “So, your Mum says you’re gay now.” “Yes Dad.” “You know about AIDS and that?” “Yes Dad.” He nodded and then asked, “Is the kettle on?”
Years later I came out again, as bisexual. I was off to my first BiCon, the national bisexual convention, and I’d spent the first half of the week off work at my parents. My Mum was asking why I couldn’t stay both weekends – so I explained “I’m off to BiCon Mum.” “What’s that?” “A conference for bisexuals.” “But why are you going?” “Because I’m bisexual Mum.”
At that point the guard blew the whistle, so I closed the carriage door window and the train pulled away. Timing is everything!
But just last week I was worried I’d need to come out again. We were on the phone and she asked me, “So, have you managed to get any straighter?”
I floundered for a few seconds. “Er, well, you know how it is, not exactly, you see…” and she then dropped what could have been a bombshell “Oh, listen to you, you’re as bad as your brother!”
While my mind reeled – had my brother come out and not told me – she finished with “…he’s not unpacked either.”
I let out a sigh of relief – it wasn’t time to have the sexuality conversation again. “No Mum, we’ve still got a lot of stuff in boxes.”
I do have a lot of stuff out of boxes though, and so I’d like to wish you all (in or out) a Happy National Coming Out Day!
