I thought, it appears foolishly, that consent was a simple thing. If you wish to physically interact with another person, you get their informed enthusiastic consent before doing so. This did not seem to me to be controversial. After the news stories and the reactions thereto of the last couple of weeks, I’m not so sure. So here is a very basic primer on consent for the hard-of-thinking.
- If you wish to interact physically with another person, ask them first.
- Ask as specifically as possible, so there are no misunderstandings about what is (or is not) being consented to.
- Consent does not have to be verbally explicit, but that does not mean that you can assume it’s there. If in doubt ask, don’t assume.
- Consent can be stopped or withdrawn at any time, and if it is stopped or withdrawn you stop what you are doing immediately.
- If they say no to anything you suggest, that is not consent.
- If they look horrified, move away, can’t maintain eye contact, or otherwise display a lack of enthusiasm for the prospect, that is not consent.
- If they are too drunk/stoned/otherwise incapacitated to know what they are doing, that is not consent.
- If they are dressed in a particular way, that is not consent.
- If consent is given in response to some threat you have issued or implied, or any other form of duress, that is not consent.
- If you have had consenting physical interaction with a person before, this does not imply that future physical interactions are automatically consented to, nor does it give you a free pass to escalate interactions to new heights.
- If you are unsure about whether or not consent has been given, err on the side of caution and don’t do anything. If the person you wish to interact with is enthusiatic about interacting with you, they will let you know.
None of that strikes me as being particularly difficult. It’s about respecting another person’s right to determine what happens to them. The fact that some people struggle with this is profoundly depressing to me. Surely physical contact is better when all parties are happy and enthusiastic about it happening?
ETA: inevitably the first response to this (on twitter) was “But what about x, y and z situations?”. There is a reason I put “very basic” at the top of this post. Obviously there are situations in long-standing relationships or BDSM play where some of these rules need to be applied more flexibly. I would contend, however, that (just to pluck a random example out of the air) in the bar at Lib Dem conference with people you do not know well and don’t have an existing relationship with, all of the above needs to be cast iron.
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