A follow-up anonymous guest post from the writer who contributed the ‘jerkbrain’ post last week. We welcome one-off guest posts as well as regular contributors: see the join us page.
This was a lovely, chilled, relaxing, introspective BiCon for me. After writing here before BiCon about feeling insecure about shoes/performing femininity in a way that’s unusual for me, I ended up wearing skirts a lot and uncomfortable but pretty boots for only a short time :).
A big theme of this BiCon was internalised biphobia and the way that manifests as feeling ‘not queer enough’, especially for people who are in relationships that might be externally perceived as ‘straight’. I got into a discussion about the term ‘heteronormative’ on Twitter just before BiCon and a bi woman described her life as heteronormative because she was an invisible bisexual. I argued quite stridently that this was *blaming* invisible/erased bisexuals for having been erased/made invisible by a biphobic culture.
My argument felt strident because I struggle to convince myself of this, especially when I acknowledge that being invisible is quite useful while working in a conservative industry. However, this feeling of being ‘not queer enough’ and needing to constantly prove your ‘queer credentials’ seems to run really deep in the bi community. It’s even notable as a fear among bi activists, who you would expect to have the best resources to combat this sort of insidious biphobia.
Finally I want to mention the huge relief that simply talking about this stuff can bring. The Biphobia Consciousness Raising workshop was a good example of this. We each talked for 5 minutes without interruption about how biphobia had affected us. We didn’t try to fix each other’s problems or try to change our minds. It was such a relief to be able to speak and be truly heard and to hear people expressing the same feelings. The Bi Carers workshop worked in a similar way. Somethings are not fixable but being listened to makes them more bearable.
Wow, this is all very heavy! I mixed this stuff up at BiCon with the silly and fun Giant Pass The Parcel, a very inspiring workshop on Blackout Poetry and lots of relaxing chatting / hugging / flirting with lovely people.
