We both have different attractions even though we’re both bisexual. Some of these may come from gender differences, and in some ways are role reversed to gender norms, and we also differ when it comes to visual stimuli. It’s always interesting to work out how each of us tick.
One day, before we acknowledged our bisexuality, we watched the indie film ‘White Bird in a Blizzard’. We always discuss films after seeing them together. Afterwards Mrs B kicked off the discussion…
Mrs B : “The actress was very brave to be fully naked.”
Mr B : “I didn’t really notice!” , said with honesty and no sarcasm.
Mrs B thought – I couldn’t take my eyes off her the whole time.
Mr B thought – Why on Earth did I remember there was a love scene but not the full details of how much of her body was revealed on film? Most males probably would remember what they saw through their ‘male gaze’.
I assumed the feminist in me just overrode the ogling male part of me. In truth I rarely get stimulated with visuals alone. For me I need a romantic connection. Think of all the romantic erotica and romance films, aimed chiefly at women. They’re the ones I prefer. Pornography, especially with rough or non-sensual sex, does absolutely nothing for me. A non-typical reaction for a male perhaps? This ties in with my non-binary gender fluid identity quite nicely in my opinion. My wife, on the hand, does respond to images in a very strong way. She’s much more distracted by an attractive beach body than I am, which amuses me greatly.
One thing we have learned is that you cannot judge your sexuality by how you respond to purely visual stimuli, especially if restricted to mechanical non-sensual pornography shot with a male gaze and non-natural bodies in unbelievable situations. You can be bisexual and not respond to some types of pornography. In my opinion it’s better to judge your sexuality by thinking back to real life encounters and who has made your heart skip, turned your head, or became your latest celebrity crush.
You can also discuss celebrity crushes with your partner, which makes the discussion of your attractions much less awkward and jealousy inducing. We have found we have very similar taste in celebrity women, but not so much overlap in the men. It all makes a visit to the cinema far more fun, and we get twice the value for money 😉
