“Bisexuality does exist, it is not a fiction, nor is it a phase”, my key message to Civil Service equality conference

“Bisexuality does exist, it is not a fiction, nor is it a phase”, my key message to Civil Service equality conference

I had the privilege of giving a keynote address to today’s Civil Service Rainbow Alliance (the national LGB&T staff network) conference at the Ministry of Defence. Also on the programme were Sir Bob Kerslake, Head of the Civil Service; Keir Starmer, the Director of Public Prosecutions; Liz Bingham, managing Partner at EY; and Peter Tatchell […]
In memory of Harvey Milk – defending principles, fighting prejudice

In memory of Harvey Milk – defending principles, fighting prejudice

Yesterday evening, my partner and I watched the 2008 film Milk, which tells the story of the political career of San Francisco City Supervisor Harvey Milk, America’s first openly gay elected public official. Milk was an inspirational figure who overcame prejudice and even violence during his campaigns to be elected, but was ultimately assassinated in […]
On being bisexual – my appearance on Radio 4

On being bisexual – my appearance on Radio 4

On Monday this week, I accepted an invitation to be interviewed by Eddie Mair on Radio 4’s PM programme (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0367mxn – minutes 46-52) to give a response to the decision of Tory MP Daniel Kawczynski to come out as bisexual. (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/tory-mp-daniel-kawczynski-comes-out-as-bisexual-8680343.html)  I guess I was asked to appear because I, like Mr Kawczynski, am also an elected […]
Equal marriage: why we need equal civil partnerships too

Equal marriage: why we need equal civil partnerships too

Tim Loughton MP, the sponsor of yesterday evening’s amendment to the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill which would have introduced Civil Partnerships for opposite sex couples, does not have a record of supporting LGBT equality. Indeed, his motives in putting forward the amendment may not have been entirely straightforward, but that doesn’t take away from […]
Response from my MP about Marriage Equality

Response from my MP about Marriage Equality

Further to my previous post about my email to my MP, I have now received a reply, which is below.

I'm rather disappointed because it addresses none of the points raised in my email and is instead a standard email which seems to be written for people who are opposed to marriage equality.

Not great when the constituent you're writing to has told you they're bisexual.

Dear Vicky,

Thank you for your recent email regarding the very important issue of gay marriage.

Actually, I didn't email you about gay marriage, I emailed you about marriage equality.

Please be assured I take this matter very seriously and have taken the opportunity over the past few weeks to discuss the numerous potential ramifications with both colleagues and constituents.

What about the BENEFITS? Because, like I emailed you about reasons why everyone should be allowed to marry.

I am conscious that many of my constituents hold profound religious beliefs and I have no intention to support any legislation which would force any church to hold marriage ceremonies which are in contravention of their theology.

I have no intention of forcing any church to hold marriage ceremonies, and I didn't mention it, but OK.

However, I do believe it is important that we should encourage commitment within relationships and am broadly supportive of initiatives that seek to do so.

Because everyone needs a piece of paper to encourage them to commit, and no one ever gets a divorce...

As you will be aware, this issue did not feature in the Queen’s Speech which will be welcomed by many people who perceived this as an attack on the Church of England.

No, but I am aware that it wasn't in the Queen's Speech because the issue was still under consultation.

I do feel it is critically important that the Government is properly aware of the level of concern on this issue.

Right, thanks, but why are you saying this to someone who supports marriage equality?

I have been struck by the number of constituents who have contacted me with their views rather than, as is so often the case nowadays, sending me standardised, computer generated emails, but have taken the trouble to set out very clearly their personal and considered objections to the suggestion that rules governing marriage may change.

Really, am I the only one who sent you a personalised email about the benefits of allowing same sex couples to marry?

The consultation on same sex marriage has now closed and I look forward to hearing the results in due course. Thank you for taking the time to contact me.

And thank you for taking the time to reply with a standardised letter which addresses none of the points in my email.

With best wishes,

Caroline Nokes
Response from my MP about Marriage Equality

Response from my MP about Marriage Equality

Further to my previous post about my email to my MP, I have now received a reply, which is below.

I'm rather disappointed because it addresses none of the points raised in my email and is instead a standard email which seems to be written for people who are opposed to marriage equality.

Not great when the constituent you're writing to has told you they're bisexual.

Dear Vicky,

Thank you for your recent email regarding the very important issue of gay marriage.

Actually, I didn't email you about gay marriage, I emailed you about marriage equality.

Please be assured I take this matter very seriously and have taken the opportunity over the past few weeks to discuss the numerous potential ramifications with both colleagues and constituents.

What about the BENEFITS? Because, like I emailed you about reasons why everyone should be allowed to marry.

I am conscious that many of my constituents hold profound religious beliefs and I have no intention to support any legislation which would force any church to hold marriage ceremonies which are in contravention of their theology.

I have no intention of forcing any church to hold marriage ceremonies, and I didn't mention it, but OK.

However, I do believe it is important that we should encourage commitment within relationships and am broadly supportive of initiatives that seek to do so.

Because everyone needs a piece of paper to encourage them to commit, and no one ever gets a divorce...

As you will be aware, this issue did not feature in the Queen’s Speech which will be welcomed by many people who perceived this as an attack on the Church of England.

No, but I am aware that it wasn't in the Queen's Speech because the issue was still under consultation.

I do feel it is critically important that the Government is properly aware of the level of concern on this issue.

Right, thanks, but why are you saying this to someone who supports marriage equality?

I have been struck by the number of constituents who have contacted me with their views rather than, as is so often the case nowadays, sending me standardised, computer generated emails, but have taken the trouble to set out very clearly their personal and considered objections to the suggestion that rules governing marriage may change.

Really, am I the only one who sent you a personalised email about the benefits of allowing same sex couples to marry?

The consultation on same sex marriage has now closed and I look forward to hearing the results in due course. Thank you for taking the time to contact me.

And thank you for taking the time to reply with a standardised letter which addresses none of the points in my email.

With best wishes,

Caroline Nokes
My letter to my MP about Marriage Equality

My letter to my MP about Marriage Equality

Dear Caroline,

I'm sure you know about the current consultation about marriage equality. There are a few reasons I feel allowing same-sex couples to marry in civil ceremonies are necessary:
  1. Currently even countries which have same-sex marriage don't recognise UK's civil partnerships.
  2. When a married trans* person wants to be legally recognised as the opposite gender, they have to get divorced and then enter into a civil partnership with their spouse.
  3. Having separate institutions for same-sex and opposite-sex couples means that future governments would be able to legislate differently for them (granted the Equality Act would have to be repealed first, but this isn't beyond the realms of possibility).
On a personal note, as a bisexual woman if I were to enter into a long term, committed relationship, I would like the option to marry them, whatever their gender.

So on that note, I'd like to ask, if it came to a vote in Parliament, between the status quo and allowing same-sex couples to marry in civil ceremonies, what would your vote be?

Yours,

Vicky Syred
My letter to my MP about Marriage Equality

My letter to my MP about Marriage Equality

Dear Caroline,

I'm sure you know about the current consultation about marriage equality. There are a few reasons I feel allowing same-sex couples to marry in civil ceremonies are necessary:
  1. Currently even countries which have same-sex marriage don't recognise UK's civil partnerships.
  2. When a married trans* person wants to be legally recognised as the opposite gender, they have to get divorced and then enter into a civil partnership with their spouse.
  3. Having separate institutions for same-sex and opposite-sex couples means that future governments would be able to legislate differently for them (granted the Equality Act would have to be repealed first, but this isn't beyond the realms of possibility).
On a personal note, as a bisexual woman if I were to enter into a long term, committed relationship, I would like the option to marry them, whatever their gender.

So on that note, I'd like to ask, if it came to a vote in Parliament, between the status quo and allowing same-sex couples to marry in civil ceremonies, what would your vote be?

Yours,

Vicky Syred
Sexual Orientation

Sexual Orientation

I'm going to start off this entry with a minor admission. I'm bisexual. This means I like both men and women, not necessarily equally, and not usually at the same time. What this does not mean is that I'm:
  • greedy,
  • confused,
  • unfaithful,
  • lucky...

or anything else that gets thrown at me whenever I decide to be totally open about my sexuality. The worst thing is that the most bi-phobic remarks I receive are normally from within the gay community. I can never understand why someone who has had to put up with prejudice and discrimination on the basis of their sexuality is quite willing to dish it out to someone else. Believe me, I know at times I do have it easy. When I'm dating a guy I don't have to worry about public displays of affection getting me beaten up or jeered at by random passers by. At no point in my life have I had to stop holding hand with a boyfriend simply because a child happens to be walking towards us, whereas I have done this when I was with a girlfriend. (At this point I hasten to add that I am currently only talking about what it is like in the UK, as I might need to worry about PDAs with men in other countries...)

All of this does not mean I prefer going out with men, far from it in fact, it just means that it's easier for me to go out with them, which can be a pain considering I do normally vastly prefer women.


Right, before this turns into an out and out rant about the gay community's treatment of bisexuals, perhaps I should start looking at the matter in hand as a whole.

I'm probably going to start off with a bit of controversy. Gay and bisexual people have it easy in this country now. That isn't to say that it is completely perfect, and discrimination still occurs, but instutional homophobia is rare. Unless we are talking about the asylum system, but I'll come back to that later. All I'm saying is that thanks to the hard work by countless campaigners over the years, same sex couples now have the right to join in the eyes of the law, adopt and foster children as a couple and are entitled to inherit pensions from one another and become next of kin for one another. Gay, lesbian and bisexual people all over the UK are entitled to live free of discrimination at work and through the provision of goods and services. Of course, this doesn't always happen, but at least the legal right is there.

All around the UK, there are countless perfectly visible centres supporting lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgendered people (the latter isn't mentioned again in this post, but I mentioned in my gender post) The photo below shows quite how many postcards about sexuality one of these centres has on display: There are also pride events in most major cities, including London, Manchester, Cardiff and Glasgow.

None of this can be said for Syria. The only places gay men get together are cruising grounds infamous for being infested with AIDS and the fact I haven't heard where the lesbians meet up shows quite how visible they are. Homosexuality is illegal in Syria, or at least having sex with someone of the same sex is and the punishment is 3 years imprisonment. So what chance is there that there is going to be laws protecting their rights?

In some countries, such as Nigeria, it is even worse as having sex with someone of the same sex is still punishable by death.

Times when the attitudes towards homosexuals in different countries and here in the UK become undeniably linked is in asylum seeker cases where the claimant cites their sexuality as a reason for not being able to return to their own country. The UK government seemes determined to not accept this as a reaonable claim, even in cases where people's lives have been directly threatened, or the partner has already received the death penalty, like in the case of Mehdi Kazemi, a 19 year old gay Iranian.

The attitude of the UK government seems to be that the best thing for these asylum seekers is "to go back where they came from" and be "more discreet" as if such a thing were possible when you've already been arrested once before and had to flee the country due to this (like in the case of Jojo Jako Yakob, a Syrian claiming asylum in Scotland).

In conclusion, for the main part, I believe that homosexual and bisexual people have a lot to be thankful for when looked at on a global view. There are still problems that need to be addressed, like in the case of the asylum seeker cases. I do wonder however if I would have this attitude if I was a camp looking gay man, who isn't really able to hide his sexuality anywhere he goes. Would I have a different opinion as to how open and accepting this country is?