{"id":1199,"date":"2013-12-03T12:29:24","date_gmt":"2013-12-03T11:29:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/malebisexualqueer.wordpress.com\/?p=103"},"modified":"2013-12-03T12:29:24","modified_gmt":"2013-12-03T11:29:24","slug":"why-tom-daleys-sexuality-is-still-important-even-if-it-shouldnt-be","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/2013\/12\/why-tom-daleys-sexuality-is-still-important-even-if-it-shouldnt-be\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Tom Daley\u2019s sexuality is still important, even if it shouldn\u2019t be."},"content":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s a quick quiz:<\/p>\n

Which of the following responses to someone coming out as queer [gay\/lesbian\/bi\/trans] is homo\/bi\/trans\/phobic?<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Ok, but why are you telling me?<\/li>\n
  2. You can do whatever you want, but I just don\u2019t know about it.<\/li>\n
  3. You\u2019re disgusting and sick<\/li>\n
  4. I will love and support you whatever you chose to do, but my beliefs say you\u2019re debased<\/li>\n
  5. What about my grandchildren?<\/li>\n
  6. That\u2019s fine dear [internally \u201cOMG what are our relatives going to think?\u201d<\/i>]<\/li>\n
  7. Enough already, there are queers everywhere, what\u2019s the big deal?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Answer? All of the above.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

    One of the things about disclosing your sexuality, or even, as in Daley\u2019s case, speaking about who you\u2019re dating without naming your sexuality, is that it is an experience that shouldn\u2019t have to happen. In an ideal world. But it is still necessary, and this is something many straight people will never experience, and thus perhaps never understand. Most people assume you are straight, unless you have a stereotypical queer attribute. The burden of this unquestioned assumption is on queer people. And it\u2019s not a nice experience.\u00a0 However, the burden should be on straight people to show that they understand the difficulty of being in the closet, coming out, and that they are supportive: not to erase the difficulty by saying \u2018well, gay people can get married now so what\u2019s the big deal?\u2019 I experienced (and continue to experience) many people’s silence in response to saying I was bisexual – which, even if they did care, feels like they don’t understand the difficulty coming out can be. Hundreds of years of society\u2019s prejudice around homosexuality isn\u2019t diluted immediately by gay marriage being passed, or the idea that ‘it’s ok to be gay now, so why are all these queer banging on about it?’. A law doesn\u2019t automatically change people\u2019s attitudes. Queers still get bullied at school [99% of LGBT teenagers hear homophobic language used in schools, and 84% find this distressing in some way], same-sex couples often don\u2019t feel comfortable holding hands or kissing in public, and homophobic attacks still occur in the UK frequently [http:\/\/www.pinknews.co.uk\/2013\/11\/05\/uk-man-who-forced-victim-to-drink-urine-in-homophobic-attack-has-jail-sentence-lengthened-by-3-years\/<\/a>], families often still wish, secretly or not, that their children won\u2019t be queer, and LGBT people still fear telling their loved ones that they aren’t straight.<\/p>\n

    Therefore, a young famous sportsman discussing his dating preferences openly IS NEWS<\/strong>. There are only very few \u2018out\u2019 sports men and women, and this is not because there aren\u2019t any! Daley\u2019s video is therefore a hope giving display of honest bravery that is a real encouragement to young queers who are struggling to come to terms with their own sexualities. As Owen Jones says [link below], it was still illegal in 1980 to be homosexual, and sports stars were unable to speak freely about their sexualities. He goes onto say that Britain has changed over the last 20 years – and it\u2019s amazing that many have responded with love and support. But this doesn\u2019t mean coming out isn\u2019t necessary. It just means its a little more acceptable.<\/p>\n

    There are two responses which need to be distinguished.<\/p>\n

    One says \u2018This shouldn\u2019t be news, but the reality is that it is, let\u2019s talk about why\u2019 and the other \u2018This isn\u2019t news, I wish people would talk about something else, Tom Daley\u2019s sexuality is none of our business.\u2019<\/p>\n

    The first attitude longs for an ideal and equal society where having to disclose one\u2019s sexuality won\u2019t any longer be necessary, because the \u2018assumption\u2019 will be that everyone is accepted. However, it is still necessary <\/b>and that this necessity is one of social justice. Daley himself recognises that he shouldn’t have to do a video to explain to his fans that he\u2019s dating a man, but the reality of society is that he does, and has, therefore we must ask why. And it\u2019s quite simple really: if someone feels it is necessary, to disclose their sexuality, to escape the pressure, fear and distress of \u2018being in the closet\u2019 – then who are we to say \u2018you don\u2019t need to do that?\u2019 And the media storm proves that society isn\u2019t at a stage where it isn\u2019t news. But is this surprising when many in religious organisations still believe that it\u2019s sinful? There is a direct correlation here between society and the religious attitudes. The second reason is that there is till a stigma attached to not being heterosexual, and coming out challenges the \u2018heterosexual dogma\u2019 of society.<\/p>\n

    The second attitude affectively wants to brush questions of sexuality under the carpet, keep them private, and not admit that they are politically relevant. It\u2019s a disavowal of the difficulties queer people face in everyday life by not having the privilege of being straight. Try walking down the street with someone of the same gender holding hands: see what type of response you get – try to put yourself in a queers shoes.<\/p>\n

    But if Daley\u2019s video helps one young queer not feel like they must self-harm today, stops another planning their suicide because they\u2019ve seen it\u2019s ok to be queer, or helps a teenager apologise to their queer friend after abandoning them when they came out, isn\u2019t it worthwhile? Isn\u2019t the desire to end discrimination, oppression, violence worth a media storm that sometimes gets the focus wrong? Is this really replacing \u2018more important issues\u2019 going on in the world? I think that hate crime, mental health, suicide and discrimination are pretty important issues really.
    \nThis is a chance to be an ally! Show your support, rather than thinking it’s irrelevant.<\/p>\n

    [And this isn’t even to mention the question of bisexuality that has been erased from the discussions of TOM DALEY IS GAY – but another day perhaps].<\/p>\n

    More reading for the interested…<\/p>\n

    http:\/\/www.independent.co.uk\/voices\/commentators\/owen-jones-when-coming-out-ends-equality-will-be-total-7917824.html<\/a><\/p>\n

    http:\/\/www.independent.co.uk\/voices\/comment\/one-day-coming-out-wont-be-a-thing–and-the-reaction-to-tom-daleys-announcement-shows-were-getting-there-8977908.html<\/a><\/p>\n

    Bisexual: a label with layers http:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2014\/01\/05\/fashion\/Tom-Daley-Bisexual-LGBT.html?_r=1&amp<\/a>;<\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Here’s a quick quiz: Which of the following responses to someone coming out as queer [gay\/lesbian\/bi\/trans] is homo\/bi\/trans\/phobic? Ok, but Continue reading →<\/span><\/a>\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":1211,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,9,183,200,182,63,304,323,307,211],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1199","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-biphobia","category-bisexual","category-gay","category-homophobia","category-lesbian","category-lgbt","category-lgbtq","category-malebisexualqueer","category-tom-daley","category-transphobia"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1199","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/30"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1199"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1199\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9350,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1199\/revisions\/9350"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1199"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1199"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1199"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}