![\"yes](\"http:\/\/malebisexualqueer.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/06\/yes-im-bisexual.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nAs someone new to exploring and admitting their sexual preferences, I found this more like a goal to achieve than a sentiment I could readily embrace. I did find some encouragement in it; an affirmation that my sexual preferences were accepted and valid. But predominantly it made me feel like I couldn\u2019t be bisexual, as bisexuality and confusion didn\u2019t seem to be able to co-exist. And this only added to my confusion, because I felt like I was bisexual and I was confused.<\/p>\n
I respect those who are un-confusedly bisexual. I\u2019m even a little envious. I also understand how and why those who use the phrase above do so to respond to a culture which has told them that they are \u201cjust confused\u201d when they\u2019re not. It\u2019s important. But I feel the need to claim for myself and other bisexuals in a similar position the right to avow and speak about our confusion, without it being stigmatized. People\u2019s experiences are different.<\/p>\n
I assume that many people who are attracted to more than one sex are somewhat confused when they first start to explore and avow their sexuality \u2013 and possibly also somewhere, or in various places, along the line. But I didn\u2019t hear about this type of experience in the resources I found.<\/p>\n
Most of us live in a society that tells us to be attracted exclusively to the opposite sex, but even if we\u2019re lucky enough to live in a less homophobic environment, then heternormativity is still present in the belief that it\u2019s an either\/or situation. If it\u2019s not, then you\u2019re lying to yourself, or going through a phase [it\u2019s normal, everybody does], or, God forbid, just confused!<\/p>\n
BUT IT IS CONFUSING<\/p>\n
Some days it just doesn\u2019t make sense. Other days I think I\u2019m just open to the world in a different way. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays someone\u2019s gender really isn\u2019t an issue for me, but then the following 24 hours I can be obsessed by wanting the specificities of a male or female body.\u00a0 It becomes exhausting, and I decide I will refuse to think about it any longer, which is inevitably impossible.<\/p>\n
Just saying this out-loud makes me feel better. Trying not to be confused isn\u2019t worth the effort. From childhood to my mid-twenties, I believed that you should be attracted to the \u201copposite sex,\u201d and if you weren\u2019t then you must only be attracted to the same sex. Straight or gay were the only categories of sexuality I had language for. Realizing that I fit into neither category is going to take a while to get used to. And it\u2019s an ongoing process. I feel unsure about my sexuality some days \u2013 but I\u2019m trying to embrace this feeling of confusion because it\u2019s to be expected in the environment I live in, it\u2019s quite normal when exploring one\u2019s sexuality, and it\u2019s valid.<\/p>\n
Perhaps it won\u2019t last forever. On bad days I really hope it won\u2019t. I hope that it will fade into the past, and allow me to get on with my life. But this is just a ruse to a notion of normality. I\u2019m new to exploring my sexuality and I can feel like I have to get it figured out, specifically when talking to people about my experiences and desires. People are often used to the prevalent discourses that exist about sexuality, and if you don\u2019t fit into these, then they can force you to \u201cpick a side,\u201d or deny how you feel because they don\u2019t understand. This has caused me huge anxiety and has only hindered the process of exploring my identity and sexuality. I\u2019ve found that these negative emotions \u2013 from myself and from others \u2013 are really more about fear than confusion: a fear of confusion.<\/p>\n
By admitting my confusion, I\u2019m realizing that I don\u2019t have to yield to these outside pressures to fit into a pre-defined space. Being able to say \u201cI\u2019m bisexual, and I\u2019m confused\u201d enables me to get on with my day, to refuse anxiety and fear of the unknown, and allows me to stay open to the possibilities that confusion in bisexuality offers me.<\/p>\n
So I\u2019m living with confusion.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Because we have the right to be confused.<\/p>\n
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