{"id":2401,"date":"2015-02-22T23:18:30","date_gmt":"2015-02-22T23:18:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bisexualblogs.wordpress.com\/?p=84"},"modified":"2015-02-22T23:18:30","modified_gmt":"2015-02-22T23:18:30","slug":"losing-family-gaining-so-much-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/2015\/02\/losing-family-gaining-so-much-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Losing Family, Gaining So Much More"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few things have happened lately that got me thinking about family, friends and the benefits of social networks and connections.<\/p>\n

I was visiting a friend in London and was struck by just how much support she gets from her wide circle of family and friends. She has parents, siblings, aunties, uncles and cousins from both her and her partner’s family. Now like any group of relatives\u00a0they have their share of hard times and fallings out, but in general they all help each other and are there for each other.<\/p>\n

This proved to be a stark contrast to my own family, from which I am now\u00a0almost\u00a0completely estranged.<\/p>\n

It’s not just because I came out as bisexual. Some relatives just aren’t bothered.\u00a0Some have been affected by the horrific things that happened\u00a0when I was a teenager. (For example,\u00a0I came\u00a0home from school one day to find my mentally ill mother had hung herself in the garage.)\u00a0So understandably\u00a0relationships have been strained, broken and\u00a0tense at the best of times as a result.<\/p>\n

I’ve always felt like I raised myself with help from Google and it has been very hard and lonely at times. Especially when\u00a0I’ve been unemployed or scared or needed advice or someone to talk to. There is also no one to share my successes with, or share my life with in general. These are all\u00a0moments\u00a0when I wish I had a family network like my friend’s. Christmas and my birthday are especially unbearable.<\/p>\n

So perhaps it was a mistake to come out to my dad\u00a0as I have made an already difficult\u00a0relationship much much worse by telling him\u00a0I’m bisexual, but why should I have to lie and hide who I am?<\/p>\n

Initially the magic words of “I’ll love you no matter what.” were uttered by my dad, but the reality is he won’t talk about anything related to my sexuality at all. Once when I summoned up the courage to visit for the first time in eight months, he went on a massive rant about how people of the same gender shouldn’t be allowed to get married over lunch. These days he will barely\u00a0speak to me on the phone for more than a few minutes at a time. \u00a0I know things have always been difficult, but they were never\u00a0this bad or\u00a0this painful before.<\/p>\n

I called him today.
\nI tried asking him a few questions. Got one or two word answers.
\nI mentioned my bi group. Silence.
\nI mentioned going to the Stonewall consultations. Silence.
\nI told him about my ‘girlfriend’ for the first time. Silence.<\/p>\n

I want to cut off all contact with him. It really hurts when he is like this. Not even one single fucking question such as “So what is she like?” or “What does she do?”. Not even one short sentence such as “That’s great!” or “I’m happy for you.” Nothing.\u00a0What the fuck is the problem!? I wish I wasn’t too\u00a0cowardly\u00a0to ask.<\/p>\n

When LGBT people come out to their families they risk being rejected and risk losing their relationships with them. Bisexual people have higher rates of mental health problems and are more likely to self harm and commit suicide because of the biphobia we face. We are also more likely to be to be in low income jobs and more likely to be affected by poverty. We suffer from higher rates of violence and sexual abuse.\u00a0We need our families by\u00a0our sides.<\/strong> Not having these familial relationships and support networks exacerbates the issues we face.<\/p>\n

One of the benefits of becoming friends with other bisexuals through meet ups and events is that the\u00a0kindness\u00a0shown by people\u00a0has gone a long way to heal\u00a0the sadness and loneliness<\/strong> caused by being estranged from my own family. The support and advice has been invaluable.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I now have people who want to celebrate Christmas and my birthday with me. I have been offered help with things I know nothing about which\u00a0overwhelm me, such as how to buy a car.\u00a0I have been offered accommodation and help with moving house. I have been welcomed\u00a0into family homes for dinner. I have been held when I’ve cried. Friends have\u00a0brought me food when I was depressed and suicidal and struggled to look after myself, when my family didn’t despite knowing how ill I was. I have been accepted and cared for and loved. That’s why events like BiCon and The Big Bi Fun day mean so much to me.<\/strong> They give you the social support, networks and connections that you were\u00a0disadvantaged by\u00a0not having before. Connections and friendships <\/strong>that not only help you get ahead <\/strong>in life, but help you survive\u00a0life too.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A few things have happened lately that got me thinking about family, friends and the benefits of social networks and connections. I was visiting a friend in London and was struck by just how much support she gets from her wide circle of family and friends. She has parents, siblings, aunties, uncles and cousins from … Continue reading Losing Family, Gaining So Much More<\/span> →<\/span><\/a>\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":36,"featured_media":1211,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[389],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2401","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-bi-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2401","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/36"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2401"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2401\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2401"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2401"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2401"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}