{"id":2451,"date":"2015-03-08T18:31:01","date_gmt":"2015-03-08T18:31:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bisexualblogs.wordpress.com\/?p=97"},"modified":"2015-03-08T18:31:01","modified_gmt":"2015-03-08T18:31:01","slug":"bereavements-coming-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/2015\/03\/bereavements-coming-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Bereavements & Coming Out"},"content":{"rendered":"

The burden and anxiety of the decision of whether to come out to someone or not is taken away from you when they die. \u00a0My mum killed herself when I was 16 before I told her I was bisexual. One thing I’ve noticed is that all the resources about coming out never touch upon bereavement or the impact never being able to tell someone has on you.<\/p>\n

The biggest thing I struggle with is that nagging thought at the back of my mind that I stumble on from time to time. If I\u2019d have told her, would she have been\u00a0OK\u00a0with it?<\/strong>\u00a0Did she guess, or have any suspicions from the way I behaved as a child? I\u2019ll never know.<\/strong> Sadly telling a gravestone doesn’t give you any resolution!<\/p>\n

There\u2019s also the sadness that someone so important to you, someone that you loved so much, never knew about such a huge part of who you are.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I feel relieved that the choice was taken away from me. I\u2019ll never have to deal with any biphobia, rejection or unease she may have had about it. Then I feel sad again, because if she would have been OK with it, I\u2019ll never know her acceptance either.<\/p>\n

\"This<\/a><\/p>\n

This is a terrible photo of her, but it’s one of only two photos I have of us together. Yay for Christmas in the 90s! I still have the Care Bear!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

My mum was a very kind and generous person. The sort who would visit someone who was too ill to make it to church again that week and take them flowers. One of my favourite memories of her is when I walked in the living room one day and found her watching an interview with Marilyn Manson on TV.\u00a0 I commented that I was a bit surprised, as I didn\u2019t think that would be anything she was interested in. \u00a0(She was more of a knitting and church choir kind of person.) She explained that the young adult (N) staying in her psychiatric ward for a while liked Manson and wore a t-shirt with him on. So she was watching the interview to find out more about him so she could talk to N about him when she went back in to hospital on Monday. I asked mum what she thought of Manson; \u201cWell he seems like a nice man but I don\u2019t think I\u2019d invite him round for tea!<\/em>\u201d Fair enough mum. Fair enough. But what touches me about that memory is when she encountered someone who was very different to her, she was bemused about what they liked, but tried to learn about something she didn’t know in order to reach out to them and make a connection\u00a0anyway.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a><\/p>\n

One of mum’s paintings.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

I don\u2019t think she would have completely OK with my bisexuality, but I am comforted by the fact that she would have probably googled \u2018bisexual\u2019 in order to try and understand it better.\u00a0 She was cool like that.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The burden and anxiety of the decision of whether to come out to someone or not is taken away from you when they die.  My mum killed herself when I was 16 before I told her I was bisexual. One thing I’ve noticed is that all the resources about coming out never touch upon bereavement … Continue reading Bereavements & Coming Out<\/span> →<\/span><\/a>\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":36,"featured_media":1211,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[389],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2451","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-bi-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2451","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/36"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2451"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2451\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2451"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2451"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2451"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}