{"id":273,"date":"2010-09-16T09:56:37","date_gmt":"2010-09-16T09:56:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/adjectivemarcus.livejournal.com\/486049.html"},"modified":"2010-09-16T09:56:37","modified_gmt":"2010-09-16T09:56:37","slug":"getting-help-shouldnt-require-lying","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/2010\/09\/getting-help-shouldnt-require-lying\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting help shouldn’t require lying"},"content":{"rendered":"

Too often the support bisexual people need is kept at an arms length by the insistence that B only exists as a subset of LGBT.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The majority of people coming to the Bisexual Index<\/a> want one question answered. It’s not “where are the bisexual groups?” or “what does bisexual mean?” it’s “am I bisexual?” They have a definition in mind for the word, and they’re not confused by it, they’re afraid.<\/p>\n

“I fancy men, does that mean I’m gay?” Next time you read an advice column’s reassurances that yes it does and actually it’s okay to be gay, go back and read the letter sent in – did they say they weren’t attracted to an opposite sex? Does the advice-giver mention they could also be bisexual?<\/p>\n

We can’t reassure people its okay to be bi if first we ask them to agree to call themselves gay. Some bisexual people participate in the LGBT scene, but outside this community it’s still mostly referred to as “the gay scene”.<\/p>\n

Now, there are plenty of bisexuals in the gay scene, but those bisexuals really are the tip of the iceberg. Under the water is the rest of the bisexuals and most of them are not out in any way – living in the straight community. <\/p>\n

Figures from Stonewall have estimated the percentage of the population that is bisexual at 4%, and combined LGB at 5-7% – so we know the reason that bisexuals are a minority within the LGBT scene has to be that most simply aren’t a part of that community.<\/p>\n

Going into the LGBT community in order to access services or information for bisexuals turns these people into fish out of water. Why would they want to buy a gay magazine, go to a gay drop in centre or find a gay newspaper to access services or get support, when for many people the reassuring answer they want to be given first is “No, this doesn’t mean you’re gay”.<\/p>\n

At the library recently I spotted a leaflet by a local LGBT outreach group. I shan’t name them. It had a lot of information about LGBT support they offered, phonelines and such. That was all on the bottom half – the top half which showed above the other leaflets in the rack had one big rainbow coloured word: “GAY?”<\/p>\n

If I was a young person trying to come to terms with my feelings, would I take that leaflet? All around us is homophobia. We might<\/i> not lose our jobs any more, but there’s a constant air of “it’s not easy”, “it’s wrong”, “it’s not natural”. If you’ve spent your whole life hearing that gay is wrong and now you’re worried that your feelings towards a similar sex make you ‘gay’, are you going to take that leaflet? In a public library, in front of your mates.<\/p>\n

Maybe ringing the helpline number is more subtle, but that information is on the bottom half. There’s a door in the way if the only route to acceptance is via the LGBT community.<\/p>\n

I’m not saying “Don’t include bisexuals in LGBT”, please understand. I think we’ve come a long way from the exclusion of days gone by. There are a lot of bisexuals in the LGBT community, more than are out about being bi too. But now people are assuming that the B in LGBT is all of the B, or that all bisexuals are obliged to be part of LGBT. <\/p>\n

I think the B in LGBT is just the top of a big B, sticking out of the water. Reach out to the other bisexuals, even if the water feels cold. There’s more of us than you think.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Too often the support bisexual people need is kept at an arms length by the insistence that B only exists as a subset of LGBT.The majority of people coming to the Bisexual Index want one question answered. It’s not “where are the bisexual groups?” or “…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":1211,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[246,9,245],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-273","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bibloggers","category-bisexual","category-speeches-and-workshops"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/273","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=273"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/273\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=273"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=273"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=273"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}