{"id":2772,"date":"2015-07-16T16:14:02","date_gmt":"2015-07-16T15:14:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/happybisexual.com\/?p=180"},"modified":"2015-07-16T16:14:02","modified_gmt":"2015-07-16T15:14:02","slug":"how-suppressing-unwanted-sexual-desire-impacts-bisexual-health","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/2015\/07\/how-suppressing-unwanted-sexual-desire-impacts-bisexual-health\/","title":{"rendered":"How Suppressing Unwanted Sexual Desire Impacts Bisexual Health"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dr David Ley\u2019s recent Psychology Today\u00a0article<\/a>, which argues that closeted bisexual men are being incorrectly diagnosed as sex addicts, raises an issue of relevance to all bisexual people: namely that suppressing unwanted sexual desire can seriously impact our health and wellbeing.<\/p>\n

Ley details his clinical experience of bisexual men, married to women, who are troubled by their same-sex attractions and secretly engage in risky and prolific sex with strangers. \u00a0When such men seek treatment, therapists overlook the individual\u2019s sexual orientation, and opt to diagnose sex addiction.<\/p>\n

Ley questions the diagnosis, believing instead that intense stigma around male bisexuality leads some bisexual men to attempt to suppress their same-sex desire.\u00a0 This suppression then leads to explosive outbursts of desire, which in turn can lead to promiscuous behavior.\u00a0This behavior can then cause\u00a0relationship and health issues. These men see their same-sex desires as symptoms of a disease which needs to be treated. So do the therapists, hence the addiction label.<\/p>\n

I think Ley makes a strong case, and his call for greater understanding\u00a0of and support<\/a> for bisexual men is welcome. But I\u2019d add that you don\u2019t have to be married, male or closeted to experience the internalised homophobia and biphobia that can lead to suppression of unwanted sexual desire. Compulsive sexual behaviour is also not an inevitable consequence of suppression. Unhappiness and low self-esteem might be the more common, if less exciting, results of trying to suppress your natural sexual inclinations.<\/p>\n

If we\u2019re uncomfortable with our bisexuality, then it\u2019s understandable that we might try to suppress or avoid unwanted sexual desires. \u00a0Some bisexual people may even have received misguided advice to focus only on their opposite sex desires, as a way of avoiding the prejudice and oppression aimed at same-sex desire and relationships.\u00a0\u00a0 While same-sex desire is the most likely target of suppression, some bisexual people might want to suppress opposite sex attraction for fear that it might alienate them from a gay partner or community.<\/p>\n

When I was younger I was often troubled by my same-sex desires. I reasoned to myself that as I had sexual desires for both men and women, I could choose to focus my sexual fantasy and behavior on women only.\u00a0 This way I could still be sexually satisfied and happy, while also avoiding the struggle of coming out and dealing with prejudice.<\/p>\n

The problem is that suppression just doesn\u2019t work.\u00a0 Sexual desire arises naturally whether we want it to or not.\u00a0 By ignoring it or pushing it away, as the men in David Ley\u2019s article did, it actually becomes more insistent and more of a feature in your life than it would otherwise be.\u00a0The process of battling unwanted sexual desires wastes mental energy, and guarantees that you\u2019ll remain uncomfortable with your bisexuality. And if you\u2019re uncomfortable\u00a0with being bisexual, then that will undermine your confidence and diminish your overall wellbeing.<\/p>\n

To become comfortable in your skin as a bisexual person, you have to give yourself permission to experience all of your sexual desire. \u00a0When I gave up on trying to push away my same-sex desires, I experienced a new sense of peace and calm. It was a significant moment in my journey to self-acceptance and wellbeing.<\/p>\n

How you behave<\/em> sexually is up to you and will differ for every individual. \u00a0But when it comes to your inner life, the key thing is to allow your desires to run free. \u00a0Let your private world of fantasy and desire be a liberal, relaxing place. \u00a0You don\u2019t need an internal police force to monitor what\u2019s going on there. Everything is permitted!<\/p>\n

An enduring sense of wellbeing can only develop when we\u2019re free to experience and enjoy attraction to whoever we like.<\/p>\n

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Dr David Ley’s recent Psychology Today article, which argues that closeted bisexual men are being incorrectly diagnosed as sex addicts, raises an issue of relevance to all bisexual people: namely that suppressing unwanted sexual desire can seriously impact our health and wellbeing. Ley details his clinical experience of bisexual men, married to women, who are troubled […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":1211,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[301,128,408],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2772","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","category-sex","category-wellbeing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2772","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2772"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2772\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2772"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2772"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2772"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}