{"id":3873,"date":"2015-06-18T17:17:40","date_gmt":"2015-06-18T17:17:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/happybisexual.com\/?p=135"},"modified":"2015-06-18T17:17:40","modified_gmt":"2015-06-18T17:17:40","slug":"how-to-support-a-bisexual-person-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/2015\/06\/how-to-support-a-bisexual-person-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How to support a bisexual person"},"content":{"rendered":"

Being bisexual in a society which doesn\u2019t understand or accept bisexuality is difficult.\u00a0 When bisexual people look for help and information, they often don\u2019t find what they need. \u00a0Organisations like BiNet USA<\/a> and The Bisexual Index<\/a> do a great\u00a0job of providing online information, and there are local bisexual groups in many larger urban areas. \u00a0In general though, bisexual people are poorly served compared to gay and lesbian people.\u00a0 It\u2019s common, for example, for there to be relatively few bisexual-specific resources available at LGBT centres.\u00a0 This increases the importance of well-informed support from individuals who know a bisexual person.<\/p>\n

You might be reading this because a friend or relative has come out as bisexual to you.\u00a0 If so, you are doing a great service to that person by exploring how you can help them.\u00a0 Here are some suggestions:<\/p>\n

1) Learn about bisexuality and why it’s hard to be bisexual<\/strong><\/p>\n

Before anything else, educate yourself about bisexuality. \u00a0Understanding bisexuality and the challenges bisexuals face in our society will enable you to appreciate why support for bisexual people is so vitally important.<\/p>\n

Life is hard for bisexuals because society doesn\u2019t generally acknowledge bisexuality as a real and legitimate sexual orientation.\u00a0 I\u2019ve written before about the commonly held misguided beliefs about bisexuality<\/a> which are so hurtful for bisexual people.\u00a0 Learn why the myths and stereotypes are wrong.<\/p>\n

Here are some key facts about bisexuality in a nutshell.\u00a0 Bisexuality is a real, common and enduring sexual orientation.\u00a0 Bisexuals comprise the largest group within the LGBT community.\u00a0 Bisexuality is not a phase or a stepping stone to being gay or straight. Bisexuals are no more greedy, libidinous or non-monogamous than anyone else.<\/p>\n

2) Be encouraging and positive<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being open about being bisexual is a major achievement.\u00a0 In order to come out, bisexual people have to overcome fear and accept that they will be exposed to prejudice.\u00a0 In short, it takes real guts to come out as bisexual.\u00a0 Celebrate that achievement.\u00a0 Affirm and recognise their bisexuality. Let them know that you appreciate how hard it was to be open about it. Praise them generously for their courage in coming out and being themselves.<\/p>\n

3) Show an interest, but be respectful<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being curious about someone\u2019s bisexuality is understandable, and showing that you are interested can be a helpful way of demonstrating that you care and don\u2019t see bisexuality as something that\u2019s outside the boundaries of polite conversation.\u00a0 Limit your curiosity though, in exactly the same way you would if you were talking about any other personal topic.\u00a0 The fact that someone is bisexual doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019ll be happy to be asked intimate questions about sex or sexual preferences, for example.<\/p>\n

Asking about a person\u2019s experience of bisexuality, such as how they developed a sense of identity around it, and what kind of problems they have encountered, shows that you are sensitive to their wellbeing and would like to understand and know them better.\u00a0 If they don\u2019t want to talk about those things, then respect that too.<\/p>\n

4) Don\u2019t assume or suggest that a bisexual person is really gay or straight<\/strong><\/p>\n

When someone says they are bisexual, assume that they\u2019re telling the truth.\u00a0 While it\u2019s true that some gay and lesbian people initially say they\u2019re bisexual in an attempt to lessen the extent of homophobia they might suffer, this phenomenon has nothing to do with the experience of bisexual people.\u00a0 Similarly, don\u2019t assume that they\u2019re really straight, and are going through some kind of bisexual phase.<\/p>\n

I know from personal experience how much it hurts when people have questioned my bisexuality. The first person I came out to as a teenager told me I was a confused straight person.\u00a0 The second person I came out to told me I was gay.\u00a0 Both were wrong, but their lack of acceptance affected me deeply, and I went back into the closet for many years.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s just not respectful to tell someone that they don\u2019t know their own mind or experience.\u00a0 Bisexual people have to pluck up a lot of courage to come out, as they know that many people don\u2019t believe that bisexuality really exists.\u00a0 Show bisexual people the respect and admiration they deserve, and believe what they\u2019re telling you!<\/p>\n

5) Don’t suggest they limit themselves to heterosexual relationships<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sometimes people suggest that a bisexual person should choose to have relationships only with opposite sex partners in order to avoid prejudice directed at same sex relationships.\u00a0 The problem with this approach is that it validates society\u2019s hostility to bisexuality by encouraging bisexuals to suppress part of their sexuality.\u00a0 The best way for a bisexual person to be happy is for them to feel free to have relationships with whoever they want, not to deny part of themselves.<\/p>\n

Remember a bisexual person has no choice about who they are attracted to, just like a gay or straight person has no choice about who they are attracted to.<\/p>\n

6) Challenge biphobia and homophobia when you encounter it<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you can, whenever you hear comments and beliefs which put down bisexuals or homosexuals, challenge them. Politely let the speaker know that you find what they are saying unacceptable. \u00a0Do this even when you\u2019re not in the company of a bisexual person.<\/p>\n

Try to challenge beliefs and assumptions in yourself and others that there are only straight people and gay people.\u00a0 For example, when you see a same-sex couple holding hands in the street, consider that one or both people may be bisexual.\u00a0 Notice how often the term \u2018gay and lesbian\u2019 is used without including \u2018bisexual\u2019.\u00a0 Try to include \u2018bisexual\u2019 when you talk about a relevant matter. Changing this kind of understanding creates space and awareness in your mind and the minds of others for bisexual people.<\/p>\n

7) Let them know you are there to support them long-term <\/strong><\/p>\n

Having an ally, someone who sticks up for you, who understands bisexuality, who\u2019s there to help, makes a huge difference to any bisexual person.\u00a0\u00a0 Let them know that they can talk to you if they have a problem relating to their bisexuality. Bisexual people face an ongoing battle against biphobia and misunderstanding.\u00a0 Being open and available, should a sympathetic ear be needed, is a great service.<\/p>\n

Tweet<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Being bisexual in a society which doesn’t understand or accept bisexuality is difficult.  When bisexual people look for help and information, they often don’t find what they need.  Organisations like BiNet USA and The Bisexual Index do a great job of providing online information, and there are local bisexual groups in many larger urban areas.  In […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":1211,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[116,325,408],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3873","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coming-out","category-society","category-wellbeing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3873","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3873"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3873\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8812,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3873\/revisions\/8812"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}