{"id":3875,"date":"2015-06-11T15:02:37","date_gmt":"2015-06-11T15:02:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/happybisexual.com\/?p=126"},"modified":"2015-06-11T15:02:37","modified_gmt":"2015-06-11T15:02:37","slug":"happy-bisexual-interviews-marcus-morgan-the-bisexual-index-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/2015\/06\/happy-bisexual-interviews-marcus-morgan-the-bisexual-index-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Happy Bisexual Interviews: Marcus Morgan (The Bisexual Index)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Earlier this week I interviewed one the UK\u2019s most prominent bisexual activists, Marcus Morgan, founder of The Bisexual Index<\/a> and Teaching the Difference<\/a>. \u00a0I wanted to find out what factors had been important for him in developing a sense of wellbeing and confidence in his bisexuality over the years.<\/p>\n

Our conversation covered topics such as bisexual identity and community, coming out, and the importance of engaging with other bisexual people.<\/p>\n

Here are some of the highlights from the interview:<\/p>\n

How did you come to identify as bisexual?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Marcus Morgan<\/em>: When I was a teenager I was gay, I wasn\u2019t attracted to women at all.\u00a0 So, the big priority for me was to move away from my family and community, and find a larger setting to explore my sexuality and the gay scene in the UK.\u00a0 When I went to university I joined the gay society and started going out in London, and I met my first boyfriend, who I went out with for about two years.\u00a0 I also moved into shared accommodation with other people from the gay community.<\/p>\n

I started to find that I was having very strong feelings towards some of my female friends.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t something that I acted on at the time, as I was clear then that I was gay, and my friends were lesbians.\u00a0 I tentatively discussed it with one friend on one occasion. This led me to feel that something had changed. It wasn\u2019t that I\u2019d had a revelation about something that I\u2019d been all along, or I\u2019d found a side of myself I\u2019d been suppressing.\u00a0 I\u2019d been quite happy being gay. I very much enjoyed the community, the pubs and clubs in London in the early 1990s. But I was now finding out a different part of myself.<\/p>\n

I thought that if I am bisexual, then I need to meet other bisexual people, I need to find out how they see their sexuality.\u00a0 I contacted a large lesbian and gay phone service, and told them I was looking for a bisexual group.\u00a0 The person on the other end of the phone gave me the details of a group in London, and then he said to me, \u2018I feel obliged to ask, are you sure you\u2019re bisexual? Because a lot of people come out as bisexual as a stepping stone to coming out as gay. Wouldn\u2019t it just be easier for you to come out as gay first?\u2019.\u00a0 I was taken aback by this and I said \u2018Well, I\u2019ve already come out as gay, I\u2019ve been gay for nearly 10 years!\u2019. He said, \u2018Oh, well maybe you\u2019re going in the opposite direction then and it could be a stepping stone to being straight for you.\u2019\u00a0 Anyway, he gave me all the details for the group.\u00a0 Now it\u2019s nearly 25 years later, and I\u2019m still bisexual<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Six months later I plucked up the courage to go to the bisexual group.\u00a0 It took me a while to build up the confidence to go because I was expecting the people at the group to be incredibly comfortable about their sexuality, and thought they might look down on someone who was uncertain. I didn\u2019t have a mental image of what the people would be like, as there wasn\u2019t really any imagery of bisexual people to hang onto at the time.<\/p>\n

I went along to the bisexual group, and the person who opened the door was someone from my university gay society! \u2018Hi Marcus, so, you\u2019re bisexual too I guess!\u2019, he said. It was the most amazingly warm welcome, because it was someone I already knew. It was just an amazing coincidence. It really made an impression on me about how spaces can be welcoming.\u00a0 One of the things I\u2019ve always tried to do, when I\u2019ve welcomed people to bisexual groups myself, is greet them like they\u2019re old friends who you\u2019re meeting for the first time. I know how terrifying it can be to go for the first time, not knowing what to expect.<\/p>\n


\nWhat advice would you give to someone who thinks they might be bisexual and are unsure what to do? <\/strong><\/p>\n

I would say find other bisexual people, particularly other bisexual people who are like you and talk to them. Not necessarily about bisexuality, just talk to them. Have the experience of it not being an issue. When I say \u2018talk to\u2019, I don\u2019t necessarily mean face to face, it can be instant messenger or commenting on blogs, or tumblr or twitter, or whatever.<\/p>\n

The most useful thing you can do is find somewhere that\u2019s home for you. For me BiCon<\/a> [the UK bisexual conference] is like how I think Christmas is supposed to be.\u00a0 All the family gets together for a big meal and a bit of a party.\u00a0 It\u2019s my bisexual community getting together.\u00a0 Find a bisexual group by contacting an organisation like BiUK<\/a> or Bisexuals of Colour<\/a> or BiNet USA<\/a>.\u00a0 Go along to a meeting or local group.\u00a0 If you\u2019re ok about going to a gay event, go to your local Pride, and find the Bi Stall or Bi group, and just try being bisexual on.\u00a0 Not worrying about it. Just saying, \u2018I\u2019m bisexual, that\u2019s ok\u2019.\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to have a detailed talk about what it means yet, you could do that later. Just try accepting it, and finding a space where it can be accepted.<\/p>\n


\nOn defining bisexuality<\/strong><\/p>\n

When we set up The Bisexual Index in 2009, there wasn\u2019t anywhere on the internet that set out an easy, understandable definition of bisexuality that people could look at and say \u2018that seems to apply to me\u2019. We provided a definition, that a bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. People can try it out for size.\u00a0 If you like it you can keep it, if you don\u2019t that\u2019s fine.<\/p>\n

Back then, if you went to the big gay organisations like Stonewall, they didn\u2019t really define bisexual, or, if they did, they used very convoluted definitions. They\u2019d say things like \u2018bisexuality is a fluid attraction towards men and women that can be sexual and\/or romantic\u2019. The problem with that is they\u2019d never give such a wordy description for being gay, and it made bisexuality this complicated thing.\u00a0 And if bisexuality\u2019s complicated, then how can you be sure you\u2019re bisexual?\u00a0 And if no one can be sure, then suddenly there\u2019s no bisexuals anymore! I don\u2019t think that\u2019s a deliberate act on the part of the gay organisations, though I\u2019m aware that other people do. I think it\u2019s more about complete unfamiliarity, and that\u2019s why it\u2019s always better for people within a community to define the labels of that community.<\/p>\n

– One of the great advantages that bisexual activism has over, say, pansexual activism is that people have already heard of the word \u2018bisexual\u2019.\u00a0 So, if someone\u2019s thinking, \u2018I\u2019m attracted to 99 girls and Billy in my woodwork class, does that mean I\u2019m bisexual? Am I bisexual?\u2019, we give them a definition as a mirror they can look in. Perhaps they can see their reflection, and say \u2018yes, it makes sense, I\u2019ll use that\u2019. We\u2019re very clear on saying to people that it\u2019s not about being 50-50 or simultaneously or currently attracted to more than one gender.\u00a0 It\u2019s about being attracted to more than one.\u00a0 Which is a broad scope, and people can see themselves reflected in that, I hope.<\/p>\n


\nOn identifying as bisexual & the importance of labels<\/strong><\/p>\n

One of the things people often say to me in Q&A sessions after I\u2019ve given a talk, is \u2018don\u2019t you think we should just get rid of labels?\u2019.\u00a0 I can see that someone who\u2019s confident about their sexuality and has a community and all their friends in place might want to stop being what they perceive as political about it, but labels are absolutely vital when you\u2019re trying to find where you belong in the world. You\u2019ve got to be able to see who is like me, who can I talk to about this stuff, without it being a big thing.<\/p>\n

So when people say \u2018we should move beyond labels\u2019 or \u2018label jars, not people\u2019, I say \u2018label yourself\u2019, then find other people who label themselves, then compare labels. Then you can find people who are on the same page as you.\u00a0 If we ignore labelling, then how can we monitor inequality, for example? If we\u2019re not using labels then we\u2019ve no chance.<\/p>\n


\nOn bisexual erasure and changing society<\/strong><\/p>\n

People don\u2019t see <\/em>bisexuality.\u00a0 We sometimes talk about bisexual invisibility which is useful, but it\u2019s not as useful as talking about bisexual erasure<\/a>.\u00a0 Bisexual invisibility is something that bisexuals need to fix about ourselves; bisexual erasure is something society needs to fix about itself.\u00a0 The weight isn\u2019t on bisexuals to be more visible, because the people who are out there being visible bisexuals are a tiny fraction of the number of people who are bisexual.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s far more useful if we can get people to stop assuming that everyone\u2019s either gay or straight. We shouldn\u2019t need to wear a purple T-shirt or a \u2018nobody knows I\u2019m bisexual\u2019 badge for people to realise that maybe Bob in the office who\u2019s mentioned that he was out with Jean last week and John this week isn\u2019t talking about his brother, maybe he\u2019s talking about a male partner, and a female partner, maybe he\u2019s bisexual.<\/p>\n

– All the surveys suggest there are more bisexuals than lesbian or gay people, but our society is so good at erasing bisexuality and only seeing people as gay or straight that we just don\u2019t know the majority of bisexual people out there. So promoting inclusive definitions, giving people a chance to see themselves reflected in that; having open and welcoming bisexual spaces\u2026these are small things we can do to turn the tide.<\/p>\n


\nOn the importance of the bisexual community<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think bisexuality\u2019s really simple.\u00a0 Bisexuality is not something that people agonise over once they get into a community where bisexuality is seen as something that\u2019s simple and you can just be, and get on with it.<\/p>\n

– I\u2019ve had very little cause in the last two decades to doubt or be uncertain about who I find sexually attractive.\u00a0 When I came out as bisexual and joined the bisexual community, I was immediately welcomed into a supportive group of people who were of very similar outlook and age to me. I was going to my first Bicon<\/a> within 6 months of first attending a bisexual group.\u00a0 I was writing for bisexual newsletters by then.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been lucky and privileged that the sort of things I was looking for in a social group were pretty much precisely the things the bisexual community at the time was providing. I had a very soft landing into bisexuality and I\u2019ve not really had any need to question it or doubt it.<\/p>\n

Marcus Morgan is founder and coordinator of <\/em><\/strong>The Bisexual Index<\/em><\/strong><\/a>, an activist network raising awareness of bisexuality and the issues that affect bisexual people.\u00a0 He is also an equality and diversity <\/em><\/strong>trainer<\/em><\/strong><\/a> specialising in bisexual engagement and inclusion. His clients include major international companies, government departments and NGOs. He was an author of the Open University\u2019s 2012 Bisexuality Report, and has written on bisexuality for The Guardian and various LGBT publications.\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

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