{"id":4231,"date":"2017-03-27T13:48:40","date_gmt":"2017-03-27T12:48:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/j-applebee.tumblr.com\/post\/158888868918"},"modified":"2017-03-27T13:48:40","modified_gmt":"2017-03-27T12:48:40","slug":"that-loving-feeling-is-goneracist-white-folks-broke-my-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/2017\/03\/that-loving-feeling-is-goneracist-white-folks-broke-my-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"That Loving Feeling is GoneRacist white folks broke my heart…."},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

That Loving Feeling is Gone<\/b><\/p>\n

Racist white folks broke my heart. \u00a0Power wasn\u2019t just unbalanced in our relationships, it was positively skewed. \u00a0My choice of partners for a quick shag, wham bang, see you later, could be wide as I want. \u00a0Yet anything else; deeper relationships, down on one knee proposals were for white folks and their polycules alone.<\/p>\n

When I realised I could not be Polyamorous in this society, I felt like a failure. \u00a0Poly wasn\u2019t something I did – it was who I was. \u00a0Had I lied to myself all this time? \u00a0Surely love conquers all? \u00a0My heartbreak was a brutal crack in the core of my being. \u00a0I knew I\u2019d never recover that loving feeling, the full expression of how I navigate sex and relationships.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve experienced racism all my life, yet nothing could have prepared me for racism from people who said they loved me. \u00a0I cannot imagine the cognitive tangle of thoughts and actions that lead to such a thing, but down in my bones, I knew I was never seen as a full human to them. \u00a0My breasts, my heart and my lips could express my love in acceptable ways, but my skin would forever undermine all of that in their eyes.<\/p>\n

I have received white tears, white guilt, but never white respect or action when I was bereft. \u00a0I just get silence.<\/p>\n

Most of my partners have been white. \u00a0My two black boyfriends both put me in hospital, but white partner\u2019s violence was a slow terrible poison. \u00a0How could I fight against an assumption? \u00a0What moves can combat neglect? \u00a0When my every action paints me as the angry black person, what do I do? \u00a0How do I react?<\/p>\n

Letting go of things hurt, but it means my shoulders no longer slump from the strain of carrying such a heavy load. \u00a0I can now walk upright instead of wishing I were taller, less bent over. \u00a0My arms and my hands are empty for the first time – empty and open to embrace whatever comes next. \u00a0And if nothing comes, I can hold myself.<\/p>\n

When white Poly people don\u2019t see People of Colour as human, we become disposable. \u00a0We don\u2019t consider the feelings of a piece of paper – we write on it, use it up and when we are done, throw it in the bin and pick up another sheet. \u00a0This is what happens to Poly People of Colour. \u00a0White folks fetishise us, especially if we are LGBT+ and\/or into kink. \u00a0We are hypervisible in a sea of white faces, but once we serve our purpose, we are ignored, neglected or mistreated. \u00a0We are never primary partners; we are interchangeable and something to add spice to your white vanilla world.<\/p>\n

Poly People of Colour are at a disadvantage. \u00a0We face many issues that white people never will. \u00a0Most of us don\u2019t have the family, money, energy or time resources white people have. \u00a0We are more likely to experience domestic violence, sexual assault, poverty and physical\/mental issues. \u00a0We shouldn\u2019t have to factor in a broken heart to all of the above.<\/p>\n

My identity of Poly turned into an identity of trash. \u00a0Rejecting the label will lead to yet more isolation for me, but it will be an honest isolation instead of the pretence of community and belonging. \u00a0I do not want to be a square on someone\u2019s bingo card of experiences. \u00a0I deserve better.<\/p>\n

I have so much love to give. \u00a0I don\u2019t want to close off my heart because of racism, but what choice do I have? \u00a0You may not want to marry me or anyone else, but I ask white Poly people to be upfront and honest with your desires. \u00a0Don\u2019t tell me you love me if it isn\u2019t so. \u00a0If all you want is a hookup with no contact after, say it. \u00a0I may turn you down, but I\u2019ll respect your honesty. \u00a0Right now I don\u2019t respect you at all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

That Loving Feeling is Gone<\/b><\/p>\n

Racist white folks broke my heart.  Power wasn’t just unbalanced in our relationships, it was positively skewed.  My choice of partners for a quick shag, wham bang, see you later, could be wide as I want.  Yet anything else; deeper relationships, down on one knee proposals were for white folks and their polycules alone.<\/p>\n

When I realised I could not be Polyamorous in this society, I felt like a failure.  Poly wasn’t something I did – it was who I was.  Had I lied to myself all this time?  Surely love conquers all?  My heartbreak was a brutal crack in the core of my being.  I knew I’d never recover that loving feeling, the full expression of how I navigate sex and relationships.<\/p>\n

I’ve experienced racism all my life, yet nothing could have prepared me for racism from people who said they loved me.  I cannot imagine the cognitive tangle of thoughts and actions that lead to such a thing, but down in my bones, I knew I was never seen as a full human to them.  My breasts, my heart and my lips could express my love in acceptable ways, but my skin would forever undermine all of that in their eyes.<\/p>\n

I have received white tears, white guilt, but never white respect or action when I was bereft.  I just get silence.<\/p>\n

Most of my partners have been white.  My two black boyfriends both put me in hospital, but white partner’s violence was a slow terrible poison.  How could I fight against an assumption?  What moves can combat neglect?  When my every action paints me as the angry black person, what do I do?  How do I react?<\/p>\n

Letting go of things hurt, but it means my shoulders no longer slump from the strain of carrying such a heavy load.  I can now walk upright instead of wishing I were taller, less bent over.  My arms and my hands are empty for the first time – empty and open to embrace whatever comes next.  And if nothing comes, I can hold myself.<\/p>\n

When white Poly people don’t see People of Colour as human, we become disposable.  We don’t consider the feelings of a piece of paper – we write on it, use it up and when we are done, throw it in the bin and pick up another sheet.  This is what happens to Poly People of Colour.  White folks fetishise us, especially if we are LGBT+ and\/or into kink.  We are hypervisible in a sea of white faces, but once we serve our purpose, we are ignored, neglected or mistreated.  We are never primary partners; we are interchangeable and something to add spice to your white vanilla world.<\/p>\n

Poly People of Colour are at a disadvantage.  We face many issues that white people never will.  Most of us don’t have the family, money, energy or time resources white people have.  We are more likely to experience domestic violence, sexual assault, poverty and physical\/mental issues.  We shouldn’t have to factor in a broken heart to all of the above.<\/p>\n

My identity of Poly turned into an identity of trash.  Rejecting the label will lead to yet more isolation for me, but it will be an honest isolation instead of the pretence of community and belonging.  I do not want to be a square on someone’s bingo card of experiences.  I deserve better.<\/p>\n

I have so much love to give.  I don’t want to close off my heart because of racism, but what choice do I have?  You may not want to marry me or anyone else, but I ask white Poly people to be upfront and honest with your desires.  Don’t tell me you love me if it isn’t so.  If all you want is a hookup with no contact after, say it.  I may turn you down, but I’ll respect your honesty.  Right now I don’t respect you at all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":1211,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[482,133,531,533,331,534,171,374,217,530,455,279,532,535],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4231","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-abusive-relationship","category-bisexuality","category-bme","category-interracial","category-love","category-multiracial","category-poc","category-poly","category-polyamory","category-polyamourous","category-qtipoc","category-racism","category-racist","category-relationship"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4231","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4231"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4231\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4716,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4231\/revisions\/4716"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4231"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4231"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4231"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}