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Lyrics to Walking Wounded<\/i>, by Everything but the Gir<\/b>l<\/p>\n
What do you want from me? Are you trying to punish me?\u00a0<\/p>\n
Punish me for loving you, punish me for giving to you\u00a0<\/p>\n
Punish me for nothing I do, punish me for nothing\u00a0<\/p>\n
You punish me for nothing, for nothing.<\/p>\n
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I\u2019ve had the same two choices for my entire life: violence or isolation. \u00a0To be part of a family or relationship meant pain. \u00a0To leave the pain meant loneliness and desolation. \u00a0This has always been \u00a0the only two roads I could take. \u00a0I have lived in this part of London for over twenty years, but I have no local friends at all. \u00a0Strangely enough, most Eastenders don\u2019t take well to bisexual, black, disabled survivors. \u00a0Most of them seem to think people like me don\u2019t exist at all, and when they discover who and what I am, any outstretched arms of friendship wither away as they step back and keep on going.<\/p>\n
Most folk think when I ran away from my family, all the pain stopped. \u00a0Some think that time and distance from the abuse and violence has faded, and I am left as an everyday, ordinary person. \u00a0Sure I flinch when a cup shatters on the hard floor, or freeze when the rare person tries to hug me, but I must be better by now surely?<\/p>\n
The truth is only part of me escaped. \u00a0Only part of me survived. <\/p>\n
I often wish I were Asexual. \u00a0I often wish I could live without sexual desire and all the problems it brings up for me. \u00a0But asexual people still have hearts; they have friends they snuggle with, and sensations their skin enjoys. \u00a0There is closeness, warmth and comfort that sing them to sleep. \u00a0What I want is to feel nothing, to protect myself from being hurt by denying I can feel at all. \u00a0This is not asexuality. \u00a0This is sadness.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Pic: a piece of beachglass and silver jewellery I made in 2005.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Lyrics to Walking Wounded, by Everything but the GirlWhat do you want from me? Are you trying to punish me?\u00a0Punish me for loving you, punish me for giving to you\u00a0Punish me for nothing I do, punish me for nothing\u00a0You punish me for nothing, for nothing.I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":1211,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[188,472,527,303,478,769,595,471],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8405","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-asexual","category-child-abuse","category-csa","category-depression","category-loneliness","category-sadness","category-sexual-violence","category-survivor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8405","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8405"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8405\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8406,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8405\/revisions\/8406"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8405"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8405"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bimedia.org\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8405"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}