My Thoughts
I found her wandering around our house during one of my parents’ innumerable parties. There were no other people there our age, so it was perhaps inevitable that we would start talking. I learned that she was a few years older than me and had only recently moved to England from Bangladesh herself. We were similarly liberal, outspoken and opinionated – and so obviously we got on like a house on fire. We were only occasional friends though, meeting now and then at different social and community events until my parents eventually relocated to Bangladesh yet again.
Normally, that would be the end of most occasional friendships. But for some reason in this case it wasn’t. There were the semi-regular texts and phone calls for birthdays and Eid. It was odd, and completely unlike both of us, but today I’m thankful that we kept in touch. When I moved back to England for university, I already had a friend in town. Our friendship mostly ran in parallel to my university circles. The semi-regular texts continued, but were now supplemented by shisha, food and the occasional party. The many one to one meets meant the conversations would frequently turn to the philosophical realms of life, politics, religious beliefs, significant others and future plans. We had that friendship – the one where we tried to talk through everything in the world as well as sort out each others’ problems.
I knew she didn’t harbour any negative views of the queer community. I also knew she didn’t have any Islamic objections either, and always chose to focus on peaceful and accepting aspects of our religion. I worried more about what revealing this secret would do to our friendship. Would she be angry that I had kept it from her like my other best friend? Or would it get awkward for some reason? Not because the idea of two men together bothered her, but maybe because bisexuality would be too hard to understand? I should have had more faith in her, however, as she has been one of my most wordlessly accepting friends to date. I told her as we sat in Nando’s one summer, meeting up after I’d been out of town for a while for an internship. I remember fiddling with the cutlery, concentrating unduly on snipping another piece of chicken from the bone as I told her I was bisexual. I looked up to see her reaction, and she smiled. She told me that she had just been waiting for me to say, and she emphasised that it changed nothing between us. I was a little surprised – I thought her exposure to my relationship with my ex-girlfriend would have made her think differently, but apparently not.
She did say that she had thought I would come out as gay, but my being bisexual probably made more sense and besides, it didn’t make any difference to her. To date, she has been one of my most supportive friends as she’s been able to physically be there through my ups and downs, especially while at university. She’s even promised to be there when I come out to my parents. Who know, maybe I’ll take her up on that someday soon!
