Period poverty on Trans Day of Remembrance
Off the fence: Bi Vis in the Village
Pride in London and my Queer journey – a personal perspective and response to @LondonLGBTPride
Pride in London – Advisory Board report questions organisers approach on diversity
Bi people having been fighting for LG&T equality for decades – a response to @PhilipHensher
Why today’s #LGBTQ+ #PrideinLondon is a day of mixed emotions for me and for many
Questions Unasked
Whatever happens in politics or elections, the party or ideology of the politician is always crucial to the moment. Whether the Liberals on one side, UKIP on the other, or the rainbow of assorted rosettes in between, however well or badly a cause has done at an election the politico will always tell you "our cause has never been more relevant or more important." Liberalism has never been more vital; the need to ensure a red white and blue Brexit has never been more pressing; the environmental challenge has never been so great; empowering business has never been so important to our nation's interests; the need for democratic reform has never been more pressing; the time for proper socialism is definitely upon us; and the NHS has never been in more peril, and the barbarian horde are at the door. It's never, ever, "well, no-one gives a monkeys about our ideology at the moment, and who can blame them as it seemed plausible in the 1950s but now it's plainly bobbins."
Similarly, I do love the questions that go unasked and what they tell you.
For instance, as I've observed elsewhere, the questioning of Tim Farron about his take on whether "gay sex" is a sin reveals the conscious or internalised homophobia of the journalists involved when there are other closely related questions that go unasked. Farron was never asked "and what about straight sex? OK, but supposing it was a sin, does being married make the difference and is that why you voted for same-sex marriage and against the spousal veto so everyone had an equal chance of sinless sex if they happened to see the world that way? What about people who deliberately buy a bed big enough for five people, and is the person who sells them the bed a sinner too for enabling that kind of
Which brings me to my motivation to write today, as we see the curse of the unasked question again in today's Sun (I know, but still) with a feature about a three-person relationship that seems to be blossoming and working well for all three and, well, not really to be news but they make for a good photo and that'll do.
Under the headline "triple threat: Married couple who added a girlfriend to their family say being in a threesome makes them BETTER parents" - yep, this is the kind of threat that doesn't seem to have anything threatening about it at all, just a 50% better chance of the kids being picked up from school - we find that "Parents-of-two Matthew, 31, and Michelle, 30, from Huntington Beach, California, met Courtney, 26" and they've all been going steady for a while. Michelle and Courtney have excellent hair: one does the pink and blue bits, the other purple, so if you put them together you kinda get a bi flag.
On the upside, it's a pretty positive poly story, though as you scroll through photos of the two women kissing it's also a reminder of how unlikely the same piece would be with more than one man in the thruple.
But it's a classic of the question unasked that reinforces a certain narrative about bisexual people. Courtney tells the paper, “It’s the best of both worlds. I love having a male and female partner and they both show love and affection in different ways.”
Now I'm sure she does and I'm sure they do. But maybe ask Matthew directly if he does too - I bet he finds some differences between Courtney and Michelle, and that they each show love and affection in different ways. But I guess asking that wouldn't fit a lazy "women are like this and men are like that" narrative, nor a tired "bisexuals need one of each to be happy". Sigh.
Structural issues with BiCon. Or why I’m not returning unless I…
Structural issues with BiCon. Or why I’m not returning unless I see some changes.
BiCon is run by volunteers in the bisexual community. Every year the organisers change. If an organiser screws up, often nothing is done, cos they won’t be there next year (usually). Last year an organiser made paedophile jokes during the cabaret, mocked non-binary people & was generally inappropriate. Very little was done, even though lots of people complained & were in tears (including me) at the Paedophile thing. There’s nothing to guarantee the same won’t happen this year or the next, because they’re never held accountable. The same guy who caused the upset last year (breaking several BiCon Code of Conduct rules in the process) wasn’t thrown out of the Con. If an attendee had done that, they’d be told to leave immediately. It’s been almost a year since that incident, but I haven’t heard or seen anything on BiCon website apologising about it, or even mentioning it.
When I’ve brought up problems in the past, I’ve often been told “We’re just volunteers! We don’t get paid to do this!” This is a silencing tactic, which minimises the power that these volunteers have. It’s like saying, “Shut up and be grateful!”
Another issue is the constant lack of engagement with bisexuals of colour. The highest attendance (20+) we had was the year a donor gave BiCon funding to subsidise free places for People of Colour, disabled and working class. The next year there was nothing, and the attendance went down to about 5 bi’s of colour. Nobody on organising teams wants to look at the fact that bi’s of colour are more likely to be unemployed or on low wages - due to racism. If we can’t get subsides places, we simply can’t go. I’ve been saying this since 2008, and nobody seems to listen. At the same time, I keep getting asked how BiCon can become more accessible and diverse. This just feels like the minimum amount of lip service.
I’ve been a bisexual activist for years. BiCon has been the highlight of each of those years. BiCon needs to look at the structure of organising the event. BiCon Continuity could possibly include this in their remit too. Because until things change, and I feel safer attending, I’m not going back.