I decided to put the complete zine on surviving child abuse up on this blog for free. You can download, print and read it. You can also repost it with Credit to Jacq Applebee.
There is a massive trigger warning – abuse on this zine. Please be gentle with yourself whilst and after you read it.
Why free? Survivors of childhood abuse (especially People of Colour) are more likely to experience poverty. I usually sell this zine, but it is too important a subject for me to keep aside for those able to buy it. Plus, with many of my followers living outside the U.K, postage costs are prohibitive. So I hope everyone gets something out of this free resource.
2015 was not a good year for me. In 2015, I was lied to, gaslighted and let down by people I thought were friends. I was given a new mental health diagnosis. I self-harmed less, but was suicidal more.
There were good parts in 2015: I helped to raise funds for Bi’s of Colour, I appeared at number 58 on the Independent on Sunday’s Rainbow List, and I stood up for my convictions by standing up against the White lesbian and gay PR machine.
2015 was the year when impossible things happened: a fascist hate group (UKIP) had their gay group as part of London LGBT Pride. The head of London Pride appeared on the Politics Show laughing at how he managed to get the hate group safely in the parade (by pushing the African lesbian and gay immigration group out of the way). This is the year that saw me resign from the Community Advisory Board of London Pride (They still haven’t refilled the Black member’s seat).
Other impossible things occurred: The bloody Conservatives got back into power, despite voters knowing how much damage they’ve already done. We as a country decided the best way to help Syrian refugees was to bomb Syria. Steven Universe became even better and queerer than ever. But one of the happiest and most impossible things was being able to meet a bisexual musical icon I have loved since I was thirteen years old. I met Tom Robinson at the Rainbow List Awards Vodka appreciation ceremony. He gave me a massive hug, and didn’t mind at all when I threatened to cry on his shoulder with gratitude.
I sincerely hope that 2016 is better than this year, but if it isn’t, at least I’ll have the hug of a lifetime as something next year can never top.
2015 was not a good year for me. In 2015, I was lied to, gaslighted and let down by people I thought were friends. I was given a new mental health diagnosis. I self-harmed less, but was suicidal more.
There were good parts in 2015: I helped to raise funds for Bi’s of Colour, I appeared at number 58 on the Independent on Sunday’s Rainbow List, and I stood up for my convictions by standing up against the White lesbian and gay PR machine.
2015 was the year when impossible things happened: a fascist hate group (UKIP) had their gay group as part of London LGBT Pride. The head of London Pride appeared on the Politics Show laughing at how he managed to get the hate group safely in the parade (by pushing the African lesbian and gay immigration group out of the way). This is the year that saw me resign from the Community Advisory Board of London Pride (They still haven’t refilled the Black member’s seat).
Other impossible things occurred: The bloody Conservatives got back into power, despite voters knowing how much damage they’ve already done. We as a country decided the best way to help Syrian refugees was to bomb Syria. Steven Universe became even better and queerer than ever. But one of the happiest and most impossible things was being able to meet a bisexual musical icon I have loved since I was thirteen years old. I met Tom Robinson at the Rainbow List Awards Vodka appreciation ceremony. He gave me a massive hug, and didn’t mind at all when I threatened to cry on his shoulder with gratitude.
I sincerely hope that 2016 is better than this year, but if it isn’t, at least I’ll have the hug of a lifetime as something next year can never top.
Stage 2* of the Bi’s of Colour History Project is underway. I aim to interview bisexual people of colour on their lives and on the common themes that arose in the Bi’s of Colour survey report. I also want to include photographs of the interviewees, alongside ephemera relating to bi/pan/fluid people of colour.
I am based in London, but I am able to travel to carry out interviews in the following places: Brighton, Manchester, Nottingham, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Bristol, Cardiff, Dublin and Belfast. For interviewees outside of these cities, I can email a list of questions.
This is where your help is needed. I’ve set up a Go Fund Me page where you can donate for this campaign: http://www.gofundme.com/bochistory
Individuals: I know money is tight for all of us, but if you can donate even a small amount, it will help this campaign.
LGBTIQA organisations, you can help me to complete this work. If you’ve read the Bi’s of Colour Report, you will know how vital this is. Your assistance will be added to the Stage 3 exhibition/display. You’ll get publicity for supporting a very marginalised group of people.
Your donations will help to pay for travel, and to reimburse participants for their time. I need to pay for photography and printing. I cannot do this without your help. There is currently nothing like this out there. It doesn’t have to be like that.
If anyone wants to contact me to discuss how to get involved with this project, email me at bis.of.colour@gmail.com
*Stages
Stage 1: Bi’s of Colour survey and report
Stage 2: Oral history interviews
Stage 3: Travelling exhibition/display of Bi’s of Colour History
It’s the start of the 2015 LGBT Pride season. Here’s a request from me to all of you who like to take photos of these events (especially if you’re a journalist).
Old people who are LGBTIQA belong at Pride
People of Colour who are LGBTIQA belong at Pride
Disabled people who are LGBTIQA belong at Pride
TAKE THEIR PHOTOS TOO!
Year after year, all I see are pics of white, cis gay men and lesbians, or white Drag Queens. Every bloody year! We are out and proud and happy to be part of Pride. Please reflect that. Pride shouldn’t just be pale and stale.
There’s a stereotype
of an angry black person that I used to be embarrassed about.Nowadays I feel that if I’m angry, then it is
for good reason.My daily life is marked
by bigotry in many forms.I fight
against it as much as I’m able, but the constant onslaught makes me feel
hopeless sometimes (and yes, this can lead to suicidal and/or self-harm
feelings too)So if I get angry at the
world, so be it; I’d rather that, than being angry at myself.If bitterness is a healing for me – if it
helps me face another day then that’s how it will be for now.Rage can keep my heart beating.And being alive as a visibly bisexual, black,
disabled person is an act of resistance.I’m not going to wait until the world changes before I let myself live
in it.I’ll be wary of folks until I get
to know them.I’ll roll my eyes at white
gay men who say they have an ‘inner black woman’ but then insult people like me.And when new LGBT initiatives start without a
single black or bisexual person involved or targeted, I reserve the right to
kiss my teeth, and put my energy elsewhere.Let me be bitter, if it means it’s the only way to live.
Like a dog for kicking This black soul be thinking. An essential way to living Is with bitterness as healing
Expect me to keep on smiling. Complain if I stop singing. Black kids get a harsh upbringing. With bitterness as healing.
Bruised skin from all your beatings. Hard heart, but somehow still believing. This is my own way of coping With bitterness as healing.
Feel my anger sure start boiling. Hatred all around, I can’t be hiding. From Ferguson to Gaza, we all be living With bitterness as healing.
Don’t ask me to keep on grinning As I watch black trans folks dying. All black lives are mattering So I’ll keep on with this bitterness as healing.
It's not often that black men are portrayed as being happy.
Compare and contrast
Photos from the opening night of FIERCE: Photographs of under-35’s black LGBT people. Ajamu captured the beauty and dignity of this much-overlooked section of the LGBT and black and minority ethnic communities in this amazing exhibition.
The exhibition takes place at London’s Guildhall. More details HERE
It was a real treat for me to represent the B in LGBT at Diverse Voices, an event for U.K Black History Month. She was joined by the talented Andra Simons, Thomas Glave and MC Angel. The night held spoken word delights including a tale of being lost in the Carribbean sea, dealing with street harrassers on the London streets, Bermudan superstitions, and how to navigate online dating ads. I also gave my bisexual anthem its first airing. I was surprised at how many people liked it! I’ll post it up soon.
