Pride in London and my Queer journey – a personal perspective and response to @LondonLGBTPride
Posted inbi bisexual Equality & Inclusion gay gender lesbian lgbt Non-binary pride pride in London sexuality trans

Pride in London and my Queer journey – a personal perspective and response to @LondonLGBTPride

Yesterday’s release of the Community Advisory Board’s annual report into this year’s Pride in London, and the social media storm that followed, was an interesting and painful experience for me. Whilst the wave of euphoria that I have felt supporting the CAB from bi and queer friends, and from those who feel that Pride has… Read More
I have a range of zines available on Etsy….
Posted inAgeing bi bisexuality body positive gender nonbinary polyamory vegan

I have a range of zines available on Etsy….



I have a range of zines available on Etsy. https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/ApplestoZines?ref=hdr_shop_menu

Subjects include 

Gender questioning,

Vegan and Gluten free cooking (with TWO vegan erotic stories included)

Body Image, fatness and blackness

Surviving Child Abuse

Polyamory Love poems

Ageing as a bisexual person.


All of these zines are at a low price.  I can post out all over the world!

Bi and over 50 7: Butch
Posted in57 varieties Ageing Bi and over 50 gender Invisibility Women

Bi and over 50 7: Butch

Here’s the latest in the series of email interviews with bisexual people over 50. Thanks to everyone for your support and interest. There will be a short break between the publication of this interview and any others – I want to write a couple of more general posts that feature my own thoughts on bisexuality and ageing.


As before, the questions in bold are written by me, everything else by the interviewee concerned.


***

Call me Butch. I am 51 years old. I am a white bisexual queer woman, and I present as butch. I am a college-educated creative who worked in publishing for many years, and currently works in the public sector. I live in the New England region of the USA, and have been married to a hetero cis-male for 18 years. We have a young child together, who is our biological offspring created the old-fashioned way!


How did you come to think of yourself as bisexual?


I realized when I was 14 that I was attracted to both binary sexes in a very fluid way. I heard the term "bisexual" in my twenties, and knew it was me. Over the years, my attraction has remained fluid, although my preference will settle for fairly long periods of time on one side of the gender binary, yet even so the attraction to the other side of the gender binary remains. I am attracted to female-bodied queer women, and male-bodied hetero men. I have had no experience with transitioned individuals with regard to relationships.


What does being bisexual mean to you?


For me, it means having the ability to love both men and women, sometimes at the same time. That is the perceived dirty little secret about being bisexual - the ability to love two people of differing genders at the same time. Personally, I find it liberating, amazing, and utterly natural. I think that many in the bisexual community regard the existence of polyamorous bisexuals as counterproductive to the task of giving legitimacy and respect to the term "bisexual," but I'm not the only one out here in the world.


Has this changed over the years, and if so how?


I was strictly monogamous when I was younger. But now I have a secondary relationship with a queer woman who is also hetero-married. I was fully open about my bisexual orientation with my husband-to-be, although I thought at the time I would remain monogamous indefinitely. My husband remains my primary partner and I am devoted to him.

As I aged, it became impossible for me to suppress my version of bisexuality (in which there are two partners of differing genders), and both my physical and mental health eroded severely. In order to stay a sane and a productive member of society, and to hold at bay the overwhelming depression that was pervading my life, I opened up my personal ethics to include limited polyamory. All parties involved are aware of each other's presence. I have no more than one partner of my two preferred genders, and STI testing was done before initiating a relationship outside my marriage and required of my proposed female partner.

My secondary relationship is kept private to all but my husband and a few of the closest people in my life; my secondary partner also keeps the relationship private in the same way. We are each well-known in our community, and it would cause some serious ripples, both personal and professional, if the true manner of things was revealed. To the world, she and I present merely as very good friends. Do we hate that it has to be that way? Yes. But society is not yet ready to openly accept polyamory, even in this very liberal part of the country.


What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality and how do they react?


When folks meet me, I'm sure it is pretty obvious that I am not straight. I present as butch, and I have a decided butch headspace. There have been times when I passed for straight, mainly for a previous job and when I was not feeling good about myself, but mostly I've looked fairly obviously queer. I have never hidden the fact that I'm not straight and when asked if I am a lesbian I have responded firmly that I am bisexual, although my being married to a hetero male has confused a good many people. I came out to my siblings early in 2014, and I was surprised that they were surprised. I guess my marriage to a man threw them.

When I was 20, my mom figured out I was not straight (I was with another woman during that time) and she outright rejected me. Those were very dark days of my life. She was the only parent I had, and she didn't talk to me for a long time. I think it wasn't until I was dating a guy in my mid-twenties that she felt comfortable around me. Last week, I came out to my mom, again. She is 81 and has dementia. Her reaction was completely different than her reaction 30 years ago. It was nice to be accepted by her at last for what I am. It was a long time in coming, with many tears along the way.



Looking back over your life so far, is there anything you wish you’d done differently?


I wish I had recognized my potential need for polyamory before I was married. Revealing it to my husband 18 years into the marriage was very rough on both of us, but most of all on him. He is an incredible person, and is re-learning to accept me for who and what I am.


What about your hopes or fears for the future (regarding bisexuality)?


I can only hope that bisexuality, in all its permutations, will gain the wide acceptance it deserves in the greater LGBTQIA community. We are not even close to there, yet. The louder we are, the more we will be heard.


Any words of wisdom for younger bi people – or older ones?


Be who you are, despite all obstacles real and perceived. Be out, and be proud. Be loud in your LGBTQIA community. Find other bisexuals and be there for each other. Everyone probably knows at least one bisexual already, but they are often hidden. If you stand up as an example of bisexual pride, it will give others the courage to stand up, too. Be brave, and be kind to yourself. You are amazing, at any age!


Would you like to help combat bi erasure and increase the visibility of bisexual people over 50? There are plenty of us out there, but far too many people don’t know that.
I am looking for other individuals over 50 who would like to contribute their “email interviews”, as Butch has done here. For more about what to do, look at this post. 


People of colour, people over 60, trans people, and people who are outside of the USA are particularly encouraged to get in touch.


Thanks.


Poem: On being alive
Posted inbiphobia depression fatphobia gender lgbt queer racism

Poem: On being alive

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My heart is still beating.

It’s a political event;

This desire to be here,

To keep breathing.

I want to live.

.

I want to be happy when my eyes

Welcome sleeping.

I want to rest in peace,

Long night hours I’m keeping.

My only torment: a sweaty pillow.

I’ve been unknowingly drooling.

I want to live.

.

Rush me to a hospital bed.

Blood transfusion, see it dripping.

The burn of a scalpel, my only proof,

I’m still capable of feeling.

Strap me down, see me raw

From incessantly screaming:

I want to live!

.

If the shadows in the corners

Rise up around me, all consuming.

If this body, fat and brown

Brings nothing but pain unrelenting,

Then let this pain be my only proof

My heart’s indeed still beating.

Fear and dread will make my brain

Crackle with terrible feeling.

I want to be alive,

Even when my life is only fleeting.

****

Being present and visible is something that I often struggle with.  There have been countless incidents in my life when I’ve been told, “Are you sure you’re in the right place?”  This doesn’t happen when I’m lost, but almost every time I go to a queer space, or a white-dominated space (which is often the same thing).  After a while I start wondering if there is another place I could be.  I keep searching, hoping to be in a more accepting environment, but it hasn’t happened yet.  I suppose the thing that has changed is me wanting to stick around when I feel so unwelcome.  Biphobia, racism, fatphobia, class-hatred are some of the things that I am bombarded with on a daily basis.  It gets tiring.  It only adds to me feeling like crap.  I don’t know if things will improve, but I don’t just want to exist.  I want to be happy to be here: happy to be alive.

Transpose Halloween Edition. I had the pleasure to perform at…
Posted inbi gender sexuality Smut trans

Transpose Halloween Edition. I had the pleasure to perform at…


CN Lester displays the manly side of the gender binary


The girly half of the gender binary


It wasn't full moon, but Kat is still a werewolf regardless.


Having fun with corsets!

Transpose Halloween Edition.

I had the pleasure to perform at Transpose at their Hallowe’en edition.  I felt right at home as soon as I walked across the sticky floors of the University of London’s Student Union bar.  CN Lester had provided some sparkly vegan pumpkin cookies, which were yummy.  I met up with Sandra Alland, who I hadn’t seen in years, and Kat Gupta who is always fun and full of energy (plus they had a brilliant werewolf tee-shirt!)

The event started with some wonderful songs from CN Lester. 

I read a story about a singer who was born a woman but dresses like a man as part of their performance.  When they start living as a man, they find little in the way of acceptance until they start to embrace the fluid nature of themselves.

There was also a story with a great take on a kelpie; a re-imagining of the Little Mermaid, and a film and poetry readings that were brilliant.  Towards the end of the evening there was an auction to raise funds for TENI.  I had to leave before the band finished it all off, but I had a fab time.

Transpose was a fantastic night, and I am already looking forward to the next one in February 2014.

“Bisexuality does exist, it is not a fiction, nor is it a phase”, my key message to Civil Service equality conference
Posted inbi bisexual Cameron discrimination diversity equality Equality & Inclusion gender lgbt policy prejudice sexuality social inclusion

“Bisexuality does exist, it is not a fiction, nor is it a phase”, my key message to Civil Service equality conference

I had the privilege of giving a keynote address to today’s Civil Service Rainbow Alliance (the national LGB&T staff network) conference at the Ministry of Defence. Also on the programme were Sir Bob Kerslake, Head of the Civil Service; Keir Starmer, the Director of Public Prosecutions; Liz Bingham, managing Partner at EY; and Peter Tatchell […]
Equal marriage: why we need equal civil partnerships too
Posted inbi civil partnership equality Equality & Inclusion fairness gender lgbt Marriage sexuality UK Politics

Equal marriage: why we need equal civil partnerships too

Tim Loughton MP, the sponsor of yesterday evening’s amendment to the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill which would have introduced Civil Partnerships for opposite sex couples, does not have a record of supporting LGBT equality. Indeed, his motives in putting forward the amendment may not have been entirely straightforward, but that doesn’t take away from […]