On being bi/pan and being in a monogamous relationship…
(For any nay-sayers out there, it does happen…)
So, a bit of background on the life of Squirtles…I told my parents I was bi a while ago (actually, my mum found a sex edition of Diva down the side of my bed and one awkward outing chat later it was all openly out there, but that’s a different story…).
Anyway, since the “Yeaaaah…so…I’m not a lesbian, I’m bi…and I swear that’s the only lesbian sex magazine I’ve bought…” fandango the only lovelife conquests to get honourable mentions to Ma and Pa Squirtles were female.
AND THEN…
Last summer I started ‘seeing’ a boy (shock, horror, gasp), and decided it was time to let the parents in on the gossip/romance of the century. The response from the comrades closest to me?
“Are you straight again now?”
Cue exasperated FLERF face, though it was only out of naivety on everyone’s part, that seemingly one can never be bi…
So, I did the gracious and noble thing and had a calm chat along the lines of:
“I still find girls attractive too…being with a boy now doesn’t make me straight…it’s not about the gender of the person I’m with at the time…”
Now, if I’m ever in the pub with Ma and Pa Squirtles they like to point people out and ask if I’m attracted to them. Or ask me questions about ‘how it all works’…
I quite like it really, nice bit of acceptance.
I quite like it really, nice bit of acceptance.
But it got me thinking of how many bisexual and pansexual lovelies are INVISIB(i)LE.
It seems that to a lot of society (some of my friends included) I can’t be bi, it doesn’t exist, it’s not a valid label…I have to be lesbian-lesbian-straight-lesbian-straight-straight-whatevs.
LIKE A CHAMELEON OF SEXUALITY.
(Disclaimer: I am aware that is more rainbow-coloured than chameleon-like. However, I like colourful things, and this is my blog.)
The world should know though – if I marry a man I’M BISEXUAL, and if I get a civil partnership (or married one day?!?!) to a lady I’M BISEXUAL.
Though this does assume I will not die alone in a pile of my own knitting surrounded by the various animals I have collected over time as a replacement for love.
If I were a Transformer, I’d be OPTIMISTIC PRIME.
Another situation:
The changing of the facebook relationship status.
Awkward and best avoided if you ask me.
“OOOOH I DIDN’T KNOW YOU’RE A LESBIAN! Congrats on the new relationship, you guys look really cute together!”
Firstly, oh hey there girl from secondary school who was mean to me, this is more conversation than we ever had in the 5 years we saw each other almost daily. Secondly, I’m not a lesbian, I’m bi. Thirdly, stop stalking me for gossip.
^ So maybe I didn’t reply with that. But if I was bad-ass, I would have done.
I have technically ‘come-out’ at least twice to about 80% of the people that know I’m bi.
“OH I SEE YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU LESBIAN.” *awkward face and explanation* scenario over and over.
“OH I SEE NOW YOU ARE DATING A MALE, YOU WACKY STRAIGHT PERSON.” *sigh and same explanation, repeated with genders swapped*
(I don’t know why I made everyone shouty, usually people don’t shout those type of comments at me.)
But this isn’t even just from the straight community, it’s from the LGBT community too (yes, even you cheeky other B’s out there).
Now I’m seeing a rather lovely (best get the Brownie points in) girlie, and yet when casual friends/acquaintances see us together I feel like I need to explain that I’m still bisexual, not ‘finally out as a lez’.
Now I’m seeing a rather lovely (best get the Brownie points in) girlie, and yet when casual friends/acquaintances see us together I feel like I need to explain that I’m still bisexual, not ‘finally out as a lez’.
So it stands, that I am trapped in a revolving closet, occasionally popping out either side. (oo-er 😉 )
In conclusion:
- Being bisexual is a real thing, not a sneaky illusion/all lies because we are SO cunning.
- When I am in a relationship with a boy, I find all genders attractive.
- When I am in a relationship with a girl, I find all genders attractive.
- I AM NOT A LESBIAN, NOR AM I STRAIGHT. I AM BISEXUAL. (well, technically pan, but let’s not totally confuse things…)
- I like colourful things and numbered lists.
Next time…the potentially massively hawkward (imagine me pulling a face like an awkward hawk) situation of how/when to drop the ‘bi-bomb’ on a potential new partner…
