Gender – MY FEELS.

Gender – MY FEELS.


BRACE YOURSELVES (insert Aragon picture here) THIS POST WILL BE IN TWO SEPARATE PARTS.
Firstly, my feels. I know you love them (/it just might help for you to see where my head is at), then in a second part that I will be posting either later tonight or tomorrow will be answering YOUR BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS, along with my amazing friend Freya, so you have double the viewpoints.



So, despite my apparent love of words that begin with bi- (even though I am actually pan), I have recently had a rather large epiphany.



(No. I’m not straight. It’s a big social epiphany, but it’s not that.)



For a while, I’ve been questioning gender and the whole craic with gender and all that jazz…I have never really felt exclusively female…like HURRRR LOOK AT ME, I AM WOMAN; and felt like this combination of female and male but kind of thought of gender as more on a continuum. I think my brain must enjoy these, since my sexuality is appaz on one too…


Anyhoo, having known very little about it the glory that is my SCIENCE BRAIN went on a Google hunt. Aaaand the more I explored, the more I was like “This is like me/my life/this makes sense.”

Thus far in my life (imagine me 6 or so months ago, pottering around minding my own business), the experiences that I have had of society (both LGB and ‘straight’) with gender variant/non-binary/trans* peeps have not really been massively positive…There is a lot of judgement on the type of person that goes by a neutral pronoun/is genderqueer/is non-binary – and I found especially that even before anyone got to know the person they were seen as weird and to be avoided. 

Another common experience was meeting people who, having met one non-binary person that was annoying/weird, assumed it was a trait of their gender identity, not a personality issue. This made my battle with how I was feeling a lot more difficult to come to terms with. I couldn’t work out if I was ‘one of them’, and if I was, I hoped I wasn’t as annoying/weird but feared that I was, and that if I ‘came out’ my friends would view me as the same.


 So, chatting this through with one of my closest pals who was also going through something similar, I managed to figure out  bit of the headfluff – that most probably I didn’t have the exact same characteristics as the people that my friends perceived in a certain light, and that non-binary was me. Buuut out of fear of the consequences to my friendships/relationships/life I didn’t tell anyone (except for pal numero uno, as previously mentioned). 

THEN I had the amazing experience that was NUS LGBT Conference. Of all of the places I have ever been in the world EVER, that is the most comfortable I have felt being myself and not feeling like I should conceal any feelings I had. I wanted to go to trans* caucus, but was terrified – I had confided in a trans* friend about my intense feels and been knocked back and told I wasn’t trans (which I don’t define myself as specifically anyway, I’m just not cis…) so was scared that I would be judged by other people. However, I met some truly AWESOME and inspirational people that made me realise: I am okay. It is okay. It gave me so much confidence and all of the feels…



 So then I had a bit of a Buddha-style “BE THE CHANGE” epiphany and decided that if I wanted to change how the people around me generally viewed non-binary, then sitting hiding in a corner pretending I'm a female unicorn was going to do fluff all. They all seemed to like me for being me as ‘female’ so what’s in a pronoun? I’d be open with myself, and maybe some people would get to learn some stuff along the way.

And, knowing that a lot of the reason I was scared is because I had NO CLUE ABOUT ANYTHING, I’ve come up with a bit of general info/FAQs on my perception of life and all that jazz in terms of GENDER.

Knowledge is power and so forth.

I also asked you beautiful people for your questions, and with the help of my top pally Freya (who is also just as cool as me, and in the same proverbial boat) we shall give you 2 LOTS OF ANSWERS, either tonight or tomorrow. It's like buy one get one free. And you don't even have to buy one.

Stay tuned kiddos!
Much loves xx
The Life of the Socially Awkward Bisexual

The Life of the Socially Awkward Bisexual


So, along with the label of BISEXUAL I have invisibly stuck on myself, there is also the NERD one.


I love a good meme.


Based upon my love of memes, I decided to write my own captions, for...
SOCIALLY AWKWARD BISEXUAL SQUIRTLES.
  • Bisexual but loses at straight and gay chicken because IS TOO SHY
  • Female friend asks if she looks nice…If I compliment her, she’ll think I’m in love with her, if I don’t she’ll think she’s ugly.
  • Goes to LGBT event – attractive males assume I’m gay
  • Don’t want to appear straight to girls, don’t want to appear gay to guys…
  • Joins a dating website, listing self as bi. No-one asks for threesomes. I MUST BE HIDEOUS.
  • Part of a long-term monogamous relationship. “Bisexuals sleep around”
  • "Double the chance of a date!". Still forever alone.
  • Attractive facebook friend. Casual stalk of the About Me section for sexuality clue.
  • Not sure who to focus on in Tim Burton films…Helena Bonham-Carter or Johnny Depp?
  • Comes out as bisexual. Realises is actually pansexual. Has to come out AGAIN.
  • Bisexual female. Fancy the gay guy or straight girl.
  • Wears rainbow things, Doc Martens and has a short hair cut. Straight men presume lesbian.
  •  “I’m bisexual.” “Yeah but which do you prefer?"
  • Realise you’re attracted to a straight female in a relationship. Meet her boyfriend and he is attractive too. Not sure who to be jealous of.
  • Tries to explain pansexuality without joking about kitchens…IMPOSSIBLE.
  • To straight men hitting on you in clubs: “I’m gay.” I’m not, but it’s just nicer than “I’m bi, it’s just you aren’t fit.”
  • Overhear someone say “Bye”. Automatically become paranoid that they know.
  • Too straight for the gay community, too gay for the straight community.
  • Not sure if I’m being friendly or flirty…
  • Not sure if you’re being friendly or flirty…
  • “Bisexuals are promiscuous.” Slept with fewer people than most of my friends.
  • “Urrr I just don’t understand those bisexuals.” *hides rainbow belt*
  • Fancy your straight male friend. He asks for sex tips for the girl he's with.
  • The awkward moment you’re a bisexual, but you get hurt when people use you as an experiment...
  • Pansexuality? It just means more gender orientations to be awkward around...
  • Can’t decide what to order from the bar. Feel bad for re-enforcing stereotypes.
  • “Bros before hoes”. *has to imagine a complicated Venn diagram*
  • Bisexual. Straight female friends kiss more girls when drunk than I do in my life.
  • Bisexual? I prefer AMBISEXTROUS HAHAHAHA." *silence from friends*
  • Try to flirt with a girl. She doesn’t notice.
  • Find straight male friend attractive. He sees you as one of the lads.
  • Parents ask what you want with your curry. Ask for both rice and chips.
     There are so, so many more in my head/my awkward life, but at risk of boring you (and because I do really need to write my essays...) I shall leave it there...feel free to add your own/leave comments/tell me I'm not alone/tell me I am indeed the only weird socially awkward one.

     Any ideas for new posts are always welcomed!

Much loves!
xxx


Answering your queeries, without the aid of Bifocals.

Answering your queeries, without the aid of Bifocals.

Right, my lovelies.
You asked, I will attempt to answer. Bi-eautiful.
Some serious, some not so serious, some Pokemon-related.


1. How do you feel about the amount of discrimination (or rather 'judgement') bisexuals tend to receive from the L/G community and what do you think could be done in order to diminish this to some effect?
It's a sore point for a lot of bisexuals, myself included...It gets a bit like "I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS! And I thought you'd understand, but apparently I'm just a promiscuous schlag?"
Or you feel like you are trusted less/viewed in a different light...
Though that is veryvery generalising. Many of my G/L friendypops are very much understanding of my processes, but it's true of many strangers. You almost feel like you can't say you're bi to anyone - the acceptance you thought you had can be taken away very quickly.
I guess, from my point of view, it's a fear of the unknown. The more we get ourselves out there (as it were...) then the better, and making it easier to ask questions without other people fearing they'll offend you.
BE PROUD :) you are bi-eautiful, you have nothing to hide away and nothing to be ashamed of.
We're already segregated, can we please not further segregate the segregation?
(Said too many seg- words. Now thinking of segments of Chocolate Orange. Om.)


2. Why do you think 'pansexuality' is such a neglected term?
I think because people aren't really aware of it or sure what it means. I shall come on to this next.
And it's an awkward misnomer in that it does make it sound like you REALLY REALLY LIKE PANS.
I have nothing against pans per se, but I really don't like it when people think I want to violate their utensils.  That's probably why I refrain to use it to describe myself to the wider public - most people won't ask out of fear if they don't know what it means, and to explain it every time I say it to someone seems a bit condescending/patronising to the person that I'm talking to...


3. What is the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality?
*flexes biceps, and cracks knuckles in anticipation of brain ramble*
Hokay. In the brain of Squirtles, bisexuality assumes gender binary, and pansexuality does not. Pansexuality is a fan of continuums and other definitions of gender, whereas I see bisexuality as more of a MEN OR WOMEN type of thing, something to do with the bi- prefix I suppose. But, this is only my opinion etcetc.
Also related to this - I also label myself pan because when I'm attracted to someone I'm genderblind - I don't really take note of gender, I get attracted to a person, and then OH HEY they are male/female/*insert gender identity here).
*note - these opinions are mine, and probably not general :) - still confused about my brain? Just ask :)


4. How do you make the people you like of the opposite sex not treat you as a "gay best friend"?
I personally have a similar issue.

Dear males I am attracted to,
Stop treating me as the oracle to how to woo your ladies, and remember I am one such lady, and perhaps I would like it if you view me in the woo-ing sense.
Kthnxbai.

I guess it comes down the the subtle (or not so subtle/socially HAWKWARD) flirtations and signals you give off to the person at the time... 
In saying that - if anyone has any useful tips, please feel free to share them :D


5. When you like someone of one gender/sex and when you like someone of another does it feel different? Like is it a different sort of love/attraction/do you feel the relationship is different depending on sex/gender?
 I tend to be a bit more romantically but not necessarily sexually attracted when it comes to men that I am attracted to, but other than that it’s pretty much the same…I’m still a stroke the persons’ cheek/hair, look in their eyes and feel like a warm chocolate fudge sauce.
 Personally, I don’t feel that my relationships are any different because the person is a certain gender, though they’re all different in some respects in terms of the love and attraction I feel because they’re all different people (if that makes any sense at all outside of my head…)


6. How many bi puns do you have left?
Many. The possibilities are endless. Might have to use my binoculars like.
There are so many words with bi- as a prefix, and so many phrases with "by" in, I'm sure I can fit them all in somewhere (oo-er).
To make and understand puns, one must have an intense level of awesomeness and intellect. That is why I believe many bisexuals love a good pun.

There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


7. Squirtle, Charmander or Bulbasaur?
This depends if we're talking tactics or cuteness.
I am rather a fan of my namesake. Squirtle is amazing, and probably the cutest, and the most useful of the unevolved forms, but lets face it...there's something about Charizard that makes me want a Charmander....
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