Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm & suicide2015 was not…

Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm & suicide2015 was not…



Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm & suicide


2015 was not a good year for me. In 2015, I was lied to, gaslighted and let down by people I thought were friends.  I was given a new mental health diagnosis.  I self-harmed less, but was suicidal more.  

There were good parts in 2015: I helped to raise funds for Bi’s of Colour, I appeared at number 58 on the Independent on Sunday’s Rainbow List, and I stood up for my convictions by standing up against the White lesbian and gay PR machine.

2015 was the year when impossible things happened: a fascist hate group (UKIP) had their gay group as part of London LGBT Pride.  The head of London Pride appeared on the Politics Show laughing at how he managed to get the hate group safely in the parade (by pushing the African lesbian and gay immigration group out of the way).  This is the year that saw me resign from the Community Advisory Board of London Pride (They still haven’t refilled the Black member’s seat).

Other impossible things occurred: The bloody Conservatives got back into power, despite voters knowing how much damage they’ve already done.  We as a country decided the best way to help Syrian refugees was to bomb Syria.  Steven Universe became even better and queerer than ever.  But one of the happiest and most impossible things was being able to meet a bisexual musical icon I have loved since I was thirteen years old.  I met Tom Robinson at the Rainbow List Awards Vodka appreciation ceremony.  He gave me a massive hug, and didn’t mind at all when I threatened to cry on his shoulder with gratitude.

I sincerely hope that 2016 is better than this year, but if it isn’t, at least I’ll have the hug of a lifetime as something next year can never top.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm & suicide2015 was not…

Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm & suicide2015 was not…



Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm & suicide


2015 was not a good year for me. In 2015, I was lied to, gaslighted and let down by people I thought were friends.  I was given a new mental health diagnosis.  I self-harmed less, but was suicidal more.  

There were good parts in 2015: I helped to raise funds for Bi’s of Colour, I appeared at number 58 on the Independent on Sunday’s Rainbow List, and I stood up for my convictions by standing up against the White lesbian and gay PR machine.

2015 was the year when impossible things happened: a fascist hate group (UKIP) had their gay group as part of London LGBT Pride.  The head of London Pride appeared on the Politics Show laughing at how he managed to get the hate group safely in the parade (by pushing the African lesbian and gay immigration group out of the way).  This is the year that saw me resign from the Community Advisory Board of London Pride (They still haven’t refilled the Black member’s seat).

Other impossible things occurred: The bloody Conservatives got back into power, despite voters knowing how much damage they’ve already done.  We as a country decided the best way to help Syrian refugees was to bomb Syria.  Steven Universe became even better and queerer than ever.  But one of the happiest and most impossible things was being able to meet a bisexual musical icon I have loved since I was thirteen years old.  I met Tom Robinson at the Rainbow List Awards Vodka appreciation ceremony.  He gave me a massive hug, and didn’t mind at all when I threatened to cry on his shoulder with gratitude.

I sincerely hope that 2016 is better than this year, but if it isn’t, at least I’ll have the hug of a lifetime as something next year can never top.

I attended the Independent on Sunday’s Rainbow List…

I attended the Independent on Sunday’s Rainbow List…











I attended the Independent on Sunday’s Rainbow List http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/therainbowlist/rainbow-list-2015-1-to-101-a6731391.html ceremony on Monday 16th November 2015, as one of only a handful of bisexual people on the list.  It was great to meet some of the other people who were on the list. Sabah Choudhury, Riley Carter Millington, Rose from Black Pride, and CN Lester were all amazing and super friendly.  But a chance conversation with an attendee made me realise that he was none other than Tom Robinson, the singer-songwriter-icon!  I’ve been a fan of Tom’s work since I was a teenager.  The tune, Atmospherics (Listen to the radio) always reminds me of an unrequited love that made me yearn to be close to someone, anyone who would treat me with kindness and affection.  Growing up as I did in such an abusive and violent environment made any thoughts of being treated well seem like an impossible dream.  Meeting Tom Robinson was so great: he gave me a hug, and it almost made me cry!

The ceremony involved a lot of people drinking gallons of champagne and vodka; I had the choice of orange juice or water…  The speech was quite encouraging, there were plenty of photo opportunities, but apart from that, it felt  a bit strange.  I’m still very happy I attended with Katy from Purple Prose and the Bisexual Index.  And meeting Tom Robinson was so special too.

Thanks once again for everyone who nominated me.  I am so happy to have been included on the Rainbow List!

bisofcolour:

From the Co-founder of Bis of Colour
There are…

bisofcolour: From the Co-founder of Bis of Colour There are…





bisofcolour:

From the Co-founder of Bis of Colour

There are very few ways to get me to give a shit about the ‘rainbow’ list/to support lists in general.

In fact, putting Jacq Applebee on the Independent Rainbow list (no.58!!) is pretty much the only way. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/therainbowlist/rainbow-list-2015-1-to-101-a6731391.html

I don’t like these lists, because of the individualist/celebrity focus. And also because they always have the same type of people on them.

BUT they are visible/googleable and so they are important - I just keep thinking that a young bi person of colour might be googling/wondering if they’re the only one - because that’s STILL what most UK scenes (poc or white) , media and representations will tell them at best.

More likely, they’ll be told that as part of a noxious blend of racism/biphobia/homophobia - that they should ‘get off the fence and decide’, that bisexuality doesn’t exist, that 'all this stuff’ is a white invention, that 'black people are more phobic than white people’, that bi poc *really* don’t exist (this from everyone) except as a fetish/disposable exoticised fantasy item (this from white lgbtq AND het people)

And that young person might google and find this which = lifechanging. I know it would have been so for me, in 1999 when I was looking. And the idea that my first exposure to bi community/activism/art would have been a black person is making my 40 year old heart soul and head explode.

So proud of Jacq, so deserved.

Please continue to support bisexual people. We often feel so alone and erased out there.  I am honoured to be on the Rainbow List, but wonder how many others on the list receive little to nothing in funding or support.  So if you’re able, donate to www.gofundme.com/bochistory and help a bisexual out!

The next Bis of  Colour meetup will be on Saturday 14th…

The next Bis of  Colour meetup will be on Saturday 14th…





The next Bis of  Colour meetup will be on Saturday 14th November.  We have changed location this month.  We will be meeting up at the Southbank Centre, near the Clore Ballroom.  Nearest tube/train is Waterloo station.  http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/

Same time: 1:00pm - 3:00pm
Different location!


I’ll be talking a bit about relaxation, meditation and mindfulness, and bringing some neat colouring books for grown ups with me!



I spoke at Queer Black Spaces 3 last night; a rare LGBT+ event…

I spoke at Queer Black Spaces 3 last night; a rare LGBT+ event…





I spoke at Queer Black Spaces 3 last night; a rare LGBT+ event in Black History Month.  During the event I listened to other Artists of Colour as they spoke about erasure of Queer people of colour in recent history, and how important archives are.  I was taken with just how much of history there is in the past 40 years, and how quickly people forget that we have even been present in that short space of time.  

Ajamu’s (pictured above with the cap) history quiz was fun, but it was obvious from all the wrong answers people gave, that little is known about UK Black LGBT+ History.  It particularly reminded me of how vital Bi’s of Colour (www.bisofcolour.tumblr.com) is, and how I really want Stage 3 of the Bi’s of Colour History Project to be fully funded.  So if you want to make a donation to this work, please visit www.gofundme.com/bochistory and help ensure that Bisexuals of Colour are never forgotten!