They say the sun shines on the good and bad.

So why can’t I get laid?

I heard bi’s have double the chance of a date.

So why can’t I get laid?

And double of nothing still means squat.

I’m actually quite horny.

 ***

Women won’t look at a bi girl like me.

When will I ever get laid?

They say, “Pick one side and stick with it.”

But that halves my chances of getting laid.

And half of nothing still means zero.

I’m so very horny.

 ***

I’ll learn to love straight blokes again.

It’s the only way I’ll ever get laid.

I’ll tout myself out; short skirts, tits out.

That’s guaranteed to get me laid.

But my chest is cold and my skirts are long,

And my horny urges are really not that strong.

And besides, this dry spell’s not half bad.

I’ll stay home with some tea, toast and jam.

Not feel pressured to be a stereotypical bi.

Maybe I’ll remember how to smile.

 ***

You see it’s the not the end of world,

To be a mildly horny, lonely girl,

Who wants nothing more,

Than to be reasonably sore,

And sticky and rumpled and happy.

And just get laid.

 ***

When bisexual people are told we must spend all our time having sex with lots of people, it can a) be hurtful if we are also celibate or asexual, and b) leave us open to unwanted sexual advances from others.  It’s horrible to get this stereotype pushed on us by monosexual people, but it’s depressing when we start to feel we should be this way ourselves. 

Photo: Veggies, Yarns and Tails