National Coming Out Day
Posted inbisexuality sexuality

National Coming Out Day

Happy National Coming Out Day everyone! For those who don't know what it is, here's the Human Rights Campaign page.As I said in my last post, I'm bisexual. Even if I wasn't though, LGBT equality is still so so important, as no one should feel in fear o...
National Coming Out Day
Posted inbisexuality sexuality

National Coming Out Day

Happy National Coming Out Day everyone! For those who don't know what it is, here's the Human Rights Campaign page.As I said in my last post, I'm bisexual. Even if I wasn't though, LGBT equality is still so so important, as no one should feel in fear o...
‘We need a bisexual haircut!’ : bi activist Amy André’s bitter-sweet take on walking down the street with her spouse

‘We need a bisexual haircut!’ : bi activist Amy André’s bitter-sweet take on walking down the street with her spouse

 

photo-by-Marlo-GayleAmy André is a bi woman married to a lesbian. When walking together one day, near their home in San Francisco, a man in a pick-up truck shouted at them as he drove by: “Lesbians!”

“I’ll take it!” was André‘s reply. “Because even though I'm not a lesbian, it's certainly no insult to be mistaken for one, especially if the mistake is based on my awesome hair style!”

André is the co-author of Bisexual Health, published by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, and is an in-demand speaker on bisexual and overall LGBT issues. She holds a masters in Sexuality Studies and an MBA from UC Berkeley.

And she has short hair. Was that the marker then for this truck driver? Short hair marks a woman as lesbian? André and her spouse, Dr. Kami Chisholm, ponder this, both seriously and humorously, as they walk on: “Considering the fact that studies show that twice as many women identify as bisexual than identify as lesbian (yes, bi women outnumber lesbians two to one), the odds were just higher anyway that, if he thinks I'm not straight, then I'm probably bi. So, what could it be that made him assume we were both lesbians?”

What Does a Bisexual Look Like? by Amy Andre, filed at the Bilerico Project, 27.Sep.11.

 

Amy André is also the author of Married, Like as in Married Married for LGBT | POV.

Photo credit: Marlo Gayle

‘We need a bisexual haircut!’ : bi activist Amy André’s bitter-sweet take on walking down the street with her spouse

‘We need a bisexual haircut!’ : bi activist Amy André’s bitter-sweet take on walking down the street with her spouse

 

photo-by-Marlo-GayleAmy André is a bi woman married to a lesbian. When walking together one day, near their home in San Francisco, a man in a pick-up truck shouted at them as he drove by: “Lesbians!”

“I’ll take it!” was André‘s reply. “Because even though I'm not a lesbian, it's certainly no insult to be mistaken for one, especially if the mistake is based on my awesome hair style!”

André is the co-author of Bisexual Health, published by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, and is an in-demand speaker on bisexual and overall LGBT issues. She holds a masters in Sexuality Studies and an MBA from UC Berkeley.

And she has short hair. Was that the marker then for this truck driver? Short hair marks a woman as lesbian? André and her spouse, Dr. Kami Chisholm, ponder this, both seriously and humorously, as they walk on: “Considering the fact that studies show that twice as many women identify as bisexual than identify as lesbian (yes, bi women outnumber lesbians two to one), the odds were just higher anyway that, if he thinks I'm not straight, then I'm probably bi. So, what could it be that made him assume we were both lesbians?”

What Does a Bisexual Look Like? by Amy Andre, filed at the Bilerico Project, 27.Sep.11.

 

Amy André is also the author of Married, Like as in Married Married for LGBT | POV.

Photo credit: Marlo Gayle

Coming to terms with my sexuality – twice
Posted inBig Brother (UK) bisexuality Bones buffy the vampire slayer Glee sexuality Warehouse 13

Coming to terms with my sexuality – twice

This post was inspired by a conversation I had last night with a Twitter friend who I started speaking to about Pretty Little Liars and Glee.

For those who don't know me, I'm an out bisexual woman. At least I am now. When I was 14 I knew I was interested in girls because I had the hugest crush on one of my best friends from secondary school. There was also Anna Nolan in the first series of Big Brother who was an inspiration.

I just didn't know if I liked exclusively women. Because there was also Xander in Buffy and Brad Pitt. I inched out of the closet after telling 3 of my friends I thought I was bi.



When I was 16 two things were going in my life:
  1. I ever so slightly illegally started going clubbing in my local gay scene.
  2. I started going to Alpha because quite a few of the members of my family had died recently so I sought out meaning in life.
In the gay scene I came across some quite derogatory remarks about bisexuals: they were greedy, they were confused, they couldn't be faithful or that they were just "in a phase". Suffice to say I didn't want to be seen as any of these things. However, I still had a massive crush on Brad Pitt which I couldn't just shrug off as me clinging to normality. Ironically it was at Alpha that in a conversation with one of my best friends at the time that I decided I was a lesbian with just one exception.

As it happened, the college's Christian Union invited speakers to the cafeteria one day. One question and answer stands out in my mind to this day:
Q: What does Christianity say about gay people?
A: There's only one cure to homosexuality and that's through Jesus Christ.
From this moment I knew I couldn't be a part of a religion who thought that homosexuality was something to be "cured". I was so proud of the fact that whereas most people going through Alpha seem to go from being agnostics to Christians I went from being agnostic to being an atheist. That's not my attitude about religion any more, as I've realised that although there are some stick-in-the-muds, the people who practice it can be as open and welcoming to gay people as atheists can. I am also back to being an agnostic (but that's a whole other story).

So, I started coming out to all my friends and my mother as a lesbian and it all went pretty well for about a year. I then kinda accidentally started making out with guys every now and then. When one of these guys was a friend of mine I ended up terribly confused again about my sexuality for the first time in two years. I really *liked* him but he was man shaped so, er, why would that be true. At that point I could have taken one of two paths, go for it with my friend (who was being terribly understanding considering) or swear off men completely. I chose the latter option. I was a lesbian, I'd decided that when I was 16 and anything else was just unacceptable.

A few months later I went to uni. I made out with a few girls in my first year but was never anything serious. I was quite active within the uni's LGB association [as it was at the time]. I was out as a lesbian but I still didn't make a secret of my attraction to Brad Pitt.

Despite my insistence to both myself and everyone around me that I was a lesbian this didn't stop crushes on a few guys from uni getting through.

Thanks to the relative [in comparison to my home town] acceptance of bisexuals within the LGB I slowly came to accept that it was OK to like both. Over the year, I went to the cinema with my uni friends a lot. One of these films was Troy. All my friends joked beforehand about how I'd stop them talking when Brad Pitt was on the screen (normally I'd be commenting with the rest of them). However, at the end, it wasn't Brad Pitt I was talking about, it was Eric Bana. One of my more observant friends noticed that this was a man who wasn't Brad. It was in May that I finally decided to tell people that I liked the men too. At first it was just my uni friends, who were all very supportive; I couldn't handle my mother getting all excited that I might bear her grandchildren after all. At the age of 19 I'd finally come to terms with my true sexuality.

I know it may seem silly that it was liking men that I seemed to have so much trouble accepting, but the fact was there weren't any positive bisexual role models in media to counteract the image of bisexuality that I got from my home town's scene. The only female characters who I saw on the screen at the time who were interested in men and women were of the depraved bisexual trope. Hardly people to look up to.

It's much better now, there is Angela from Bones, who although is now married to a man has had loving relationships with women in the past. Here, Heather Hogan praises Bones creator's crafting of the character.  There are also Myka and HG from Warehouse 13, although the creative team don't seem to want to admit it. Finally but not least, of course, there is Brittany from Glee whose sexuality I praised in my last post.

So, yes, had these characters been around 10 years ago, maybe I wouldn't have taken those three extra years coming to terms with my own sexuality. Who knows?
Coming to terms with my sexuality – twice
Posted inBig Brother (UK) bisexuality Bones buffy the vampire slayer Glee sexuality Warehouse 13

Coming to terms with my sexuality – twice

This post was inspired by a conversation I had last night with a Twitter friend who I started speaking to about Pretty Little Liars and Glee.

For those who don't know me, I'm an out bisexual woman. At least I am now. When I was 14 I knew I was interested in girls because I had the hugest crush on one of my best friends from secondary school. There was also Anna Nolan in the first series of Big Brother who was an inspiration.

I just didn't know if I liked exclusively women. Because there was also Xander in Buffy and Brad Pitt. I inched out of the closet after telling 3 of my friends I thought I was bi.



When I was 16 two things were going in my life:
  1. I ever so slightly illegally started going clubbing in my local gay scene.
  2. I started going to Alpha because quite a few of the members of my family had died recently so I sought out meaning in life.
In the gay scene I came across some quite derogatory remarks about bisexuals: they were greedy, they were confused, they couldn't be faithful or that they were just "in a phase". Suffice to say I didn't want to be seen as any of these things. However, I still had a massive crush on Brad Pitt which I couldn't just shrug off as me clinging to normality. Ironically it was at Alpha that in a conversation with one of my best friends at the time that I decided I was a lesbian with just one exception.

As it happened, the college's Christian Union invited speakers to the cafeteria one day. One question and answer stands out in my mind to this day:
Q: What does Christianity say about gay people?
A: There's only one cure to homosexuality and that's through Jesus Christ.
From this moment I knew I couldn't be a part of a religion who thought that homosexuality was something to be "cured". I was so proud of the fact that whereas most people going through Alpha seem to go from being agnostics to Christians I went from being agnostic to being an atheist. That's not my attitude about religion any more, as I've realised that although there are some stick-in-the-muds, the people who practice it can be as open and welcoming to gay people as atheists can. I am also back to being an agnostic (but that's a whole other story).

So, I started coming out to all my friends and my mother as a lesbian and it all went pretty well for about a year. I then kinda accidentally started making out with guys every now and then. When one of these guys was a friend of mine I ended up terribly confused again about my sexuality for the first time in two years. I really *liked* him but he was man shaped so, er, why would that be true. At that point I could have taken one of two paths, go for it with my friend (who was being terribly understanding considering) or swear off men completely. I chose the latter option. I was a lesbian, I'd decided that when I was 16 and anything else was just unacceptable.

A few months later I went to uni. I made out with a few girls in my first year but was never anything serious. I was quite active within the uni's LGB association [as it was at the time]. I was out as a lesbian but I still didn't make a secret of my attraction to Brad Pitt.

Despite my insistence to both myself and everyone around me that I was a lesbian this didn't stop crushes on a few guys from uni getting through.

Thanks to the relative [in comparison to my home town] acceptance of bisexuals within the LGB I slowly came to accept that it was OK to like both. Over the year, I went to the cinema with my uni friends a lot. One of these films was Troy. All my friends joked beforehand about how I'd stop them talking when Brad Pitt was on the screen (normally I'd be commenting with the rest of them). However, at the end, it wasn't Brad Pitt I was talking about, it was Eric Bana. One of my more observant friends noticed that this was a man who wasn't Brad. It was in May that I finally decided to tell people that I liked the men too. At first it was just my uni friends, who were all very supportive; I couldn't handle my mother getting all excited that I might bear her grandchildren after all. At the age of 19 I'd finally come to terms with my true sexuality.

I know it may seem silly that it was liking men that I seemed to have so much trouble accepting, but the fact was there weren't any positive bisexual role models in media to counteract the image of bisexuality that I got from my home town's scene. The only female characters who I saw on the screen at the time who were interested in men and women were of the depraved bisexual trope. Hardly people to look up to.

It's much better now, there is Angela from Bones, who although is now married to a man has had loving relationships with women in the past. Here, Heather Hogan praises Bones creator's crafting of the character.  There are also Myka and HG from Warehouse 13, although the creative team don't seem to want to admit it. Finally but not least, of course, there is Brittany from Glee whose sexuality I praised in my last post.

So, yes, had these characters been around 10 years ago, maybe I wouldn't have taken those three extra years coming to terms with my own sexuality. Who knows?
Day 21 – Favourite ship
Posted in30 Days of TV bisexuality buffy the vampire slayer Glee Pretty Little Liars RIzzoli and Isles sexuality tv Warehouse 13

Day 21 – Favourite ship

I've been shipping since before I knew shipping was a thing. When I started watching Buffy I wanted for ages for Xander to wake up and see what was right in front of him - Willow. Well, that was until Oz turned up and swept her off her feet, and then it was Tara... Oh damn it, I must have just been a Willow shipper .

Anyway, my favourite ship (with steep competition from Emily and Maya in Pretty Little Liars, HG and Myka in Warehouse 13 and Rizzoli and Isles), if you hadn't guessed already, are these two lovely ladies:

Brittana pinkie love








Santana started off as Quinn's bitchy sidekick and Puck's one time girlfriend. Brittany was the ditzy blonde in the cheerios who was there for comic relief. However, from these humble beginnings Naya and Heather crafted much bigger roles for themselves. This was thanks to their antics in the background early in season 1. They spent most of their time sitting together, so to make a joke of this, the producers decided to throw in a line about the characters sleeping together in the middle of a conversation about Rachel knowing that Puck was the father of Quinn's yet to be born baby.

This was supposed to be a one off, a throwaway joke that was never to be touched upon again. However, from here the good ship Brittana set sail. Before this there had been suspicions that they were together with moments like this in their very first song together:
brittany santana glee I Say a Little Prayer







However, this was the first time the subtext between the two had become maintext. Thanks to the fans' reactions, the producers woke up to what had been in front of them for the whole time and Santana, after initially telling Britt that she was just with her because Puck was in prison at the time, finally admitted she loved her in one of the most touching moments of the second season [script and commentary taken from Christie Keith's recap of Sexy on AfterEllen]:
Santana approaches Brittany at her locker, and says, "Can we talk?"

"But we never do that," Brittany says.

"I know," Santana says, looking so soft and sad I barely know it's her. "But I wanted to thank you for singing that song with me in Glee Club."

"Yeah…"

"'Cause it made me do a lot of thinking. What I realized…" she takes a deep breath… "What I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. Because I have all of these feelings. Feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences." A football player walks by, and Santana waits until he's past to go on. "And Brittany… I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can't."

"I understand that."

Santana looks at her. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?"

She reluctantly shakes her head. "Not really."

"I want to be with you. But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school."

Brittany looks surprised. "But honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words."

Santana starts to cry. "Yeah, I know, but I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love you. And I don't want to be with Sam or Finn or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please."

Brittany is gazing at her, so moved. "Of course I love you, I do. And I would totally be with you if it weren't for Artie."

Santana is shocked. "Artie?"

"I love him, too. I don't want to hurt him. It's not right. I can't break up with him."

And now Santana is shocked and furious. "Of course you can. He's just a stupid boy." And so much is crystal clear now.

Brittany looks upset. "But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know if Artie and I were to ever break up and I'm lucky enough that you're still single…"

Brittany tries to take Santana's hand, and Santana pulls it way, saying, "Don't."

Brittany goes on. "I am so yours. Proudly so."

"Yeah, wow," Santana hisses. "Whoever thought that being 'fluid' meant that you could be so stuck."

Brittany says, "I'm sorry," and reaches for Santana, who says, "Don't. Get off me," and walks off, leaving Brittany standing despondent in the hall.
Wow, just wow. I know how much I moaned about season 2 of Glee, but when it got it right it was amazing.  It was heartbreaking stuff and it's also helped young girls coming to terms with their sexuality, so it's incredibly important.

On a personal note, I love this scene for its positive portrayal of bisexuality. Which, considering the source, is amazing. When Glee overtly tried to tackle the "bi" issue before, it did it so clumsily and was bordering on offensive. Here we have a girl [Britt] who openly admits she loves another but doesn't want to leave her existing relationship with a man to be with her because as far as she's concerned, Artie has done nothing to deserve [actually, he'd done plenty, but I'll be quiet]. Brittany is not a confused, greedy or predatory individual, she's simply a person who loves people regardless of their gender. If I had had this Glee episode when I was 16, maybe I wouldn't have spent 3 years denying I had any interest in men [more on this in another post]. So, yes, thank you so so much.

To conclude the post, I shall point you to a twitter friend of mine's Glee recaps as she does Brittana much more justice than I do and leave you with some wonderful, wonderful screencaps [credits in the titles]:

brittany and santana during sexy

brittany and santana making out during duets

brittany santana me against the music

Santana singing Songbird

Day 21 – Favourite ship
Posted in30 Days of TV bisexuality buffy the vampire slayer Glee Pretty Little Liars RIzzoli and Isles sexuality tv Warehouse 13

Day 21 – Favourite ship

I've been shipping since before I knew shipping was a thing. When I started watching Buffy I wanted for ages for Xander to wake up and see what was right in front of him - Willow. Well, that was until Oz turned up and swept her off her feet, and then it was Tara... Oh damn it, I must have just been a Willow shipper .

Anyway, my favourite ship (with steep competition from Emily and Maya in Pretty Little Liars, HG and Myka in Warehouse 13 and Rizzoli and Isles), if you hadn't guessed already, are these two lovely ladies:

Brittana pinkie love








Santana started off as Quinn's bitchy sidekick and Puck's one time girlfriend. Brittany was the ditzy blonde in the cheerios who was there for comic relief. However, from these humble beginnings Naya and Heather crafted much bigger roles for themselves. This was thanks to their antics in the background early in season 1. They spent most of their time sitting together, so to make a joke of this, the producers decided to throw in a line about the characters sleeping together in the middle of a conversation about Rachel knowing that Puck was the father of Quinn's yet to be born baby.

This was supposed to be a one off, a throwaway joke that was never to be touched upon again. However, from here the good ship Brittana set sail. Before this there had been suspicions that they were together with moments like this in their very first song together:
brittany santana glee I Say a Little Prayer







However, this was the first time the subtext between the two had become maintext. Thanks to the fans' reactions, the producers woke up to what had been in front of them for the whole time and Santana, after initially telling Britt that she was just with her because Puck was in prison at the time, finally admitted she loved her in one of the most touching moments of the second season [script and commentary taken from Christie Keith's recap of Sexy on AfterEllen]:
Santana approaches Brittany at her locker, and says, "Can we talk?"

"But we never do that," Brittany says.

"I know," Santana says, looking so soft and sad I barely know it's her. "But I wanted to thank you for singing that song with me in Glee Club."

"Yeah…"

"'Cause it made me do a lot of thinking. What I realized…" she takes a deep breath… "What I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. Because I have all of these feelings. Feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences." A football player walks by, and Santana waits until he's past to go on. "And Brittany… I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can't."

"I understand that."

Santana looks at her. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?"

She reluctantly shakes her head. "Not really."

"I want to be with you. But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school."

Brittany looks surprised. "But honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words."

Santana starts to cry. "Yeah, I know, but I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love you. And I don't want to be with Sam or Finn or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please."

Brittany is gazing at her, so moved. "Of course I love you, I do. And I would totally be with you if it weren't for Artie."

Santana is shocked. "Artie?"

"I love him, too. I don't want to hurt him. It's not right. I can't break up with him."

And now Santana is shocked and furious. "Of course you can. He's just a stupid boy." And so much is crystal clear now.

Brittany looks upset. "But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know if Artie and I were to ever break up and I'm lucky enough that you're still single…"

Brittany tries to take Santana's hand, and Santana pulls it way, saying, "Don't."

Brittany goes on. "I am so yours. Proudly so."

"Yeah, wow," Santana hisses. "Whoever thought that being 'fluid' meant that you could be so stuck."

Brittany says, "I'm sorry," and reaches for Santana, who says, "Don't. Get off me," and walks off, leaving Brittany standing despondent in the hall.
Wow, just wow. I know how much I moaned about season 2 of Glee, but when it got it right it was amazing.  It was heartbreaking stuff and it's also helped young girls coming to terms with their sexuality, so it's incredibly important.

On a personal note, I love this scene for its positive portrayal of bisexuality. Which, considering the source, is amazing. When Glee overtly tried to tackle the "bi" issue before, it did it so clumsily and was bordering on offensive. Here we have a girl [Britt] who openly admits she loves another but doesn't want to leave her existing relationship with a man to be with her because as far as she's concerned, Artie has done nothing to deserve [actually, he'd done plenty, but I'll be quiet]. Brittany is not a confused, greedy or predatory individual, she's simply a person who loves people regardless of their gender. If I had had this Glee episode when I was 16, maybe I wouldn't have spent 3 years denying I had any interest in men [more on this in another post]. So, yes, thank you so so much.

To conclude the post, I shall point you to a twitter friend of mine's Glee recaps as she does Brittana much more justice than I do and leave you with some wonderful, wonderful screencaps [credits in the titles]:

brittany and santana during sexy

brittany and santana making out during duets

brittany santana me against the music

Santana singing Songbird