Coming Out to…the Closest Cousin
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Coming Out to…the Closest Cousin

My Thoughts

If I can claim I ever grew up with someone, it would be her. Just two years apart in age (she's older), we spent our very early childhood together. My relationship with her is one that colours my impressions of Bangladesh quite strongly. We are, in my mind, part of the original set: the firstborns and the trailblazers. As such, I've always felt solidarity with her, and we've been each other's intermittent confidantes whenever our lives have intersected. She's taught me a lot about our religion, starting with the rules of prayer to various other aspects overlooked by mechanised religious education. She always was and continues to be my gateway to contemporary Bangladesh - a world which my parents, my father especially, have never been able to connect me to. She was one of those people I took so long to tell because it had to be done face to face. I finally did it the summer after I finished university, during those last few months of freedom at home before I left to start my job in the UK. 

I knew she had no qualms about LGBT people - in fact my first stories about LGBTQ Bangladesh came from her. There was the story of the butch lesbian at her school, for example, who's sexuality was apparently an open and unremarkable secret. All she ever told me were snippets rather than complete narratives, but they were all woven into our daily conversations without malice or condemnation. I would lap it all up, the stories of a world that back then was closed to me. Fast forward a few years though, and those few non-judgemental snippets seemed like shaky ground to stand on as I told her. I feared her rejection - not an outright rejection but the not-in-my-own-backyard kind of rejection. Just because she's cool with a classmate's sexuality doesn't mean she'll be cool with mine. It hits harder when it's someone close.


The sources of my worry were the usual - any religious condemnation and possibly some cultural misunderstanding. I wondered if she'd take the "it's okay but" line of thought, and try and encourage me to be "better" by dating women. She didn't. Instead she did a comical and over-exaggerated imitation of a robot freezing, before telling me she needed some time to process and I should check back with her later. My little brother, who was there for support, laughed at her reaction and gave it all of five minutes before asking if she was done. She smiled and let him know she was at 33%. I could see that behind the comedy she was taking this seriously, and I got a little worried as she decided to leave me in suspense with this tactic for the rest of the day. 

Thankfully, by nightfall she was at 90%. Not all there, but enough for us to start talking about my love live and what my sexuality meant for the future. She told me she'd always known that I wasn't like the other boys - apparently I was interested in too many things outside the gender stereotype. Her advice to me was straightforward and similar to what I get from most Bangladeshis. She warned me that people, including my parents, would probably think of my bisexuality as an illness. They'd find it very difficult to accept, if indeed they ever did. She questioned my ability to settle down in Bangladesh in the long term, and brought up the issue of safety when I said I wanted to be out and open one day.

That day was probably the last day we talked about my sexuality in any detail. And our relationship hasn't really changed since. I tell her about the other halves that have come and gone as I've always done, except I include the men too now. When we talk about Bangladesh, the local politics and society, we sometimes touch upon queer issues too. I have from her, if anyone is interested, a few very amusing anecdotes to share about Bangladeshi people's reactions to LGBT lives. She's been very busy with university and her thesis recently so I try not to bother her too much. I am, however, really looking forward to seeing her again at the end of this year. I've come so far since that day and those conversations. After all, I owe quite a bit of that progress to her.


Her Thoughts



LGBT - never actually paid attention or even thought about this term. To me…it was irrelevant. Well, until I found out that my own cousin brother is bisexual. 

We grew up together, me and my brother. All that time, he always acted different from other boys of our age. I am a Muslim; also a Bengali. So, it never occurred to me that he was the one who is different; rather I wondered why the other boys were not like him. Commenting on dress up and get up, interested in cooking. Until a certain age, I thought that all boys should be like him. As I grew older, I thought he just acts like that because he is my brother.

B……I………S………E…………X…………U…………A………L. 

He told me very firmly “I am bisexual”. And to me, it was like….. okay…what…what is this supposed to mean?? What?? He is not joking. My brain flinched…I had nothing to say…I just froze. Not in fear but I was shocked. How is this even possible??

Well that was my first reaction.

It took me a whole day to realize that I was not dreaming. Then I thought about the whole situation, over and over - for some days. Then I realized; it is just waste of time. No matter what, he is and will always be my brother. And that’s never going to change, anyway. So, why bother. 

I heard that our religion does not support LGBT. But it also says to respect relationships. We are told that those who cuts ties with their relatives are banned from heaven. Many parents or relatives throw away their responsibility from a person just because they are not straight. It’s not a choice people can make; it’s who they are, deep inside. 

I respect my brother, for the courage he has shown. And no matter what, I will definitely support him. Also those, who are frightened and hiding their true desire. May be some day there won’t be existence of the term LGBT; rather everyone will be considered as equal human.
Opinion: Bangladeshis React to Gay Pride
Posted inbangladesh english homophobia islam LGBTQ bangladesh opinion pride

Opinion: Bangladeshis React to Gay Pride


Apparently the next march should be bombed

Update (20th April 2014): According to the Gay Star News article here, they spoke to the organisers and this was not a Pride march but rather a rally to celebrate diversity and friendship with LGBT and allied participation. Personally I think this is a good stance and a very good first step. I'm leaving this and my other blog posts as they originally were, but including this note for clarity - the assumptions about it being a Pride march were mine based on news and social media reactions.

Every year on the 14th of April we celebrate Pahela Boishakh in Bangladesh. This year was no exception, except for the short rainbow themed rally that took place right after the main New Year's march. Bystanders may not have exactly understood the nature of the rally at the time, but people soon realised what it was given the later media reaction. Priyo.com published an article on the march, and people - just like the commenter above - have since been reacting on Facebook, Twitter and various blogs. A translation of the article can be read here.

I am very grateful to the people behind the rally as what they did was incredibly brave. I've always wanted Bangladesh to make advances with respect to LGBTQ rights, but I didn't think I would see such an event so soon. However, there is still quite a long path ahead of us in terms of acceptance if people's reactions are anything to go by. Below are a set of thematically arranged comments, most popular in terms of likes, that people have made in response to the aforementioned article on the rally. 

Names and pictures are blacked out, and I'm only describing the gist of each comment as opposed to doing word by word translations. Feel free to get in touch if you want an exact translation of anything below. 

Religion and Islam 


As a queer Muslim one gets used to hearing the story of Prophet Lut

The above comment talks about the story of Lut, and has had the most likes on the site so far. People often like to remind queer Muslims about how God destroyed an entire population for the sin of homosexuality. But what everyone seems to forget is that (1) the context of that story is male homosexual rape, (2) the people in question had committed a number of other sins and were ultimately destroyed for denying God. People also forget or probably don't even realise that the Quran affirms the existence of men who have no desire for women without any negative connotations and talks about accepting diversity. 


Who are we to judge?


I'm glad this comment got so many likes

The above is currently the comment with the second highest number of likes on the site, and hopefully in the future more people will think like this. The commenter asks who are we to judge whether this is good or bad, and why does it concern everyone so much. Picking out the Bengali parts of the comment, the commenter goes on to say that these men are are brave for standing up to the narrow minded people in our society.

The question of why does it bother others is the one that strikes me most. First of all, no LGBTQ person is going to really want to associate themselves closely with a homophobe. These people who should rest a little easier. My second issue, one that I see mirrored in other parts of the world, is what harm exactly do people think we're going to do to society? Living openly and loving our partners hardly seems like a precursor for the apocalypse.


শেষের প্রশ্নটা নিয়ে আসলেই আমাদের ভাবা উচিত - এত  মাথা ঘামানোর কি আছে?

The question here, "Why are you personally so hostile towards them?" is quite important for a number of reasons in my opinion. Why is everyone so concerned by us, and why do they turn our sexuality into such a big issue? Do they really think we'll want to associate ourselves with people who dislike us? And as ever, when the hate is so personal I always wonder if we're dealing with a closet case. 


Awami League is to blame for everything


It's a shame I have to translate this one, takes the punch out of the joke! 

The first commenter states the rally is our current PM Sheikh Hasina's fault. The second commenter suggests that some people like to blame the PM for everything, including a bad fart. 

The third commenter is worse - they blame the rally on Bangladesh's current digitalisation campaign. Fourth commenter asks exactly what relationship do digitalisation and homosexuality have, and not in a particularly nice way. A little humour is never a bad thing!


Again, I'm pleased that the positive comment got more likes 

However, despite some commenters' ignorance there is a general sense of displeasure with the government amongst some people. And for them everything they see as going wrong in the country currently is the government's fault. But whether Awami League actually support LGBTQ rights I don't know. I do know though that I would rather take my chances with them than the BNP-Jamaat-e-Islami alliance (read: the second part of that alliance consists of Islamic fundamentalists/terrorists).


Comparisons with animals, addiction, peadophilia and incest

   

We've seen these comparisons our whole lives 


Rehashing the same arguments over and over again can get quite tedious - and all of the misconceptions here I've heard before. The commenter talks about a number of things but I'm only going to address animals, paedophillia and incest. Feel free to get in touch to ask me why my sexuality isn't an addiction or why I'm not otherwise a criminal - as these are amongst the other comparisons made above.

The commenter starts of by addressing those who say homosexuality is natural as it is seen in animals. They ask whether we should really be imitating animals as animals live naked, kill their own offspring etc. I wonder if the commenter also wants humanity to give up other animalistic behaviours like sex and the search for a life mate? We happen to have quite a few biological similarities to animals, especially mammals. This is scientific fact. Homosexuality just so happens to be one of these similarities.

The comparison to paedophillia and incest follows swiftly on, with the commenter asking why should we tolerate homosexuality as it's similar to those two aforementioned evils. Paedophillia involves the rape of children, and the commenter seemingly fails to see how that can be compared to consensual sex between adults. I ask a similar question to the comparison to incest - how is it comparable to consensual sex between to non-related adults? And surely incest can be committed by people of any sexuality? 


Threats of violence


What can I say to these? 

This is an easy, mindless section. The first comment calls for people to throw shoes at the marchers, while the second asks why no one is beating "these things" up. People like the two above - and others who tend towards violence instead of reason as soon as they notice something they dislike - hold our country back. For the worldly effects of their way of thinking just look into the violence our political strikes descend into. 


Conclusion?

Most of the comments are negative, and honestly, I knew this was going to be the case. Besides the great collection above, there are a lot of negative comments with no likes that I haven't posted here. But interspersed within those are a few good comments, and then there are the few good comments with lots of likes. And it's these small pieces of positivity that give me hope.


মতামত: সমকামীদের প্রতি বাংলাদেশি মানুষের পতিক্রিয়া
Posted inbangla bangladesh homophobia islam LGBTQ bangladesh opinion pride

মতামত: সমকামীদের প্রতি বাংলাদেশি মানুষের পতিক্রিয়া


আমাদেরকে নাকি বোমা ফাটিয়ে মেরে ফেলা উচিত

উপডেট (২০ এপ্রিল ২০১৪)ঃ গে স্টার নিউজ নামে একটি ইংরেজি অনলাইন সাইট রিপোর্ট করছে যে এটা ঠিক 'গে প্রাইড প্যারেড' ছিল না। আর্টিকেলটি পড়তে পারবেন এখানে। রূপবান, জারা এ প্যারেডের জন্য দায়ী, তারা বলেছে যে এটা মানুষের মধ্যে যে বৈচিত্রতা ও বন্ধুত্ব হতে পারে সেটা তুলে ধরার জন্য আয়োজিত করা হয়েছিল। আমার মতে এটা তাও খুব ভালো একটা পদক্ষেপ, বিশেষ করে আমাদের দেশের কথা চিন্তা করলে। আমি আমার এই এবং অন্যান্য ব্লগ পোস্টগুলো পাল্টাছি না তবে এ নোটটা উপড়ে দিয়ে রাখছি ইনফর্মেশনের জন্য। এ প্যারেডটা যে 'প্রাইড প্যারেড' ছিল তা আমি ভেবেছিলাম শুধুমাত্র নিউজ ও সোশাল মিডিয়ার পতিক্রিয়া দেখে।

গত মঙ্গলবার ১৪ এপ্রিল আমরা ১৪২১ সালের পহেলা বৈশাখ উদজাপন করলাম, যেমন আমরা করি প্রতি বছর। কিন্তু এ বছর মঙ্গল শোভাযাত্রার পরে কিছু মানুষ রংধনুর রঙে রাঙানো ছোট্ট একটি মিছিল বের করেছিল। ঠিক ওই মুহুর্তে জনসাধারণ বুঝতে না পারলেও পরে সবাই ঠিক বুঝতে পারে যে এটা একটি 'সমকামী র‍্যালি' ছিল।এ নিয়ে priyo.com এ একটি লেখাও চাপা হয়েছে। এ লেখা, ফেসবুক, টুইটার ও বিভন্ন ব্লগে অনেক বাংলাদেশী মানুষের বিভিন্ন পতিক্রিয়া প্রকাশ হয়েছে - উপরের ছবির মানুষটির কমেন্টের মতন।

এই কারনেই যারা এ মিছিলের আয়োজন করেছে, তাতে অংশ গ্রহণ করেছে তাদের কাছে আমি কৃতজ্ঞ। এরখম একটা কাজ করা সাহসের ব্যাপার। আমার আশা ছিল যেয়ে আমার জীবনে দেশকে এ বিষয়ে অগ্রগতি করতে দেখে জাব। এতো তাড়াতাড়ি এরখম জিনিস দেখবো তা ভাবিনি। তবে সাধারণ মানুষের আমাদেরকে গ্রহণ করতে এখনো অনেক দিন বাকি। মানুষজনের কিছু প্রসঙ্গ অনুযায় বেশি 'লাইক' পাওয়া কমেন্ট আমি নিচে (নাম মুছে দিয়ে) ছাপছি - তারা আমাদেরকে নিয়ে কি ভাবে তা দেখানোর জন্যে, এবং তা নিয়ে কিছু কথা বলার জন্য। উপরের কমেন্টি ছাড়া সব কমেন্ট প্রথম পারাতে লিংক দিয়া আর্টিকেল থেকে। 


ধর্ম ও ইসলাম 


মসুলমান হিসেবে আমার হজরত লুতের গল্প অনেক শুনতে হয় 

এ কমেন্টটা এ পর্যন্ত সবচেয়ে বেশি লাইক পেয়েছে। কোরানএ হজরত লুতের কথা লেখা আছে, এবং অনেকেই আমাদের মনে করিয়ে দিতে পছন্দ করে কিভাবে পুরা এক জাতিকে ধংশ করে দেওয়া হয়েছিল সমকামিতার জন্য। কিন্তু সবাই একই সাথে ভুলে যায় যে (১) এখানে পুরুষদের সমকামী ধর্ষণ নিয়ে কথা হয়েছে আর (২) লুতের মানুষের আরো অনেক পাপ ছিল, এবং তাদের শেষ পর্যন্ত শাস্তি হয় এ সব পাপ গুলোর জন্য, এবং আল্লাহর কথা নিন্দা করার জন্য। মানুষ আরো ভুলে যায় যে কোরানের অন্য অংশে এমন লোকেরও কথা লেখা আছে যাদের মহিলাদের প্রতি কোনো আকর্ষণ নাই। এবং এখানে তো সুধু পুরুষদের নিয়ে কথা হচ্ছে - মহিলা সমকামীদের তাহলে কিভাবে এ সুরা দিয়ে অশিকার করা যায়?


আমরা এদের বিচার করার কে?


এ কমেন্টার যে এতো লাইক তা দেখে আমি খুশি!
প্রথম কমেন্টি খারাপ হোলেও দ্বিতীয় অবস্থানের কমেন্টি ভালো। ইনশাল্লাহ ভবিষ্যতে এরক্ষম কমেন্টি সবচেয়ে বেশি লাইক পাবে। আরেকটা কথা যেটা এই কমেন্টার তুলে ধরে হোল কেউ সমকামিদেরকে পছন্দ না করেলও ঘৃনা করার কি আছে - সমকামীরা তো আর ঠিক তার সাথে মিশতে আসবে না! এবং এসব মানুষরা ঠিক কি ভাবে - সমকামীরা কিভাবে সমাজের ক্ষতি করে?


শেষের প্রশ্নটা নিয়ে আসলেই আমাদের ভাবা উচিত - এত  মাথা ঘামানোর কি আছে?
"আপনি পার্সোনালি এতো হস্টাইল কেন ওদের উপর?" - এটা বেশ ভাল একটা প্রশ্ন। মানুষের আমাদের নিয়ে এতো মাথা বেথা কেন? সমকামীরা নিশ্চয় সুধু তাদের নিজেদের মধ্যে অথবা তাদেরকে যারা সাপোর্ট করে তাদের সাথে মিশতে যাবে। যেচে পরে নিশ্চয় সমকামিতা যারা অপছন্দ করে তাদের সাথে বন্ধুত্য করতে আহ্সবে না।


সব আওয়ামী লীগের দোষ


খিক! 
প্রথম এবং তৃতীয় কমেন্ট দুটো পুরোপুরি হাস্যকর, একটু মজার জন্য ছাপলাম!


কোন কমেন্টা বেশি লাইক পেয়েছে তাতে আমি একটু শান্তনা নিচ্ছি 

তবে এটা সত্যি যে এ মুহুর্তে অনেক মানুষ আওয়ামী লীগের উপর অসন্তুষ্ট ইলেকশনের কারণে। তাই বলে সব কিছু তাদের দোষ। তবে আওয়ামী লীগ আসলেই সমকামী অধিকারের পক্ষে নাকি তা আমার জানা নেই। সুধু এটুকু বলতে চাই: বিএনপি-জামাতের এটা কি চোখে দেখবে তা আমার মনে হয়না কারোর সন্দেহ থাকা উচিত।  



পশু ও 'শিশুকামীদের' সাথে তুলোনা

   

এ ধরনের তুলোনা আজীবন দেখে আসছি 

এখানে ঠিক কি বলার আছে? পশুদের সাথে তুলোনা করণ অনেকে বলে পশুরা সমকামী আচরণ দেখায়, এবং তার মানে নিশ্চয় সমকামিতা প্রাকৃতিক। পশুর সাথে আর কি মিল আছে আমাদের জানেন? আমাদের জীবন সাথী খোজা, যৌন প্রজননতা ইত্যাদি - পশুরা এগুলোও করে। আমাদের কি তাহোলে এসব বন্দ করে দেওয়া উচিত? 



কেউ বলতে যায়নি যে আমাদের নগ্ন থাকা উচিত বা সন্তান হত্যা করা উচিত। আমাদের যেয়ে স্তনপায়ী প্রাণীর সাথে কিছু জীবতত্ত্বিক মিল আছে তা বলেছে। এটা বৈজ্ঞানিক সত্য। এবং সমকামিতাও এই মিলগুলির মধ্যের একটা। এটাকে কেন ক্ষতিকর আচরণ ধরা হচ্ছে? এখানে ঠিক কার ক্ষতি হচ্ছে?



আর শিশুকামিতার সাথে কিভাবে তুলোনা হয়? শিশুকামিতা হয়ে দাড়ায় শিশুর ধর্ষণ। এদিকে একজন অ্যাডাল্ট মানুষ যদি আরেকজন অ্যাডাল্ট মানুষের সাথে সম্মিত ভাবে শরীরক সম্পর্কে জরায় সেখানে, আবারও, ক্ষতি কার হচ্ছে? 


এবং ধরে মারো

কি বলব জানি না 
এটার আবার বিশ্লেষণ করার কি। অনেকে এতই অসভ্য যেয়ে তাদের ইচ্ছা মত কিছু না হোলেই কাউকে মারপিট করা দরকার। আমাদের দেশের কি সাধেই এ অবস্থা? এদের জন্নে দেশে এতো খুন-খারাপি, এতো আমরা পিছিয়ে আছি। 
Coming Out to…the Youngest Aunt
Posted inbangladesh bisexuality coming out english family islam

Coming Out to…the Youngest Aunt


I've always worried about coming out to older Bangladeshis. LGBTQ issues don't even seem to exist for them, so how can they be understanding of my sexuality? But I guess you never know till you try.

This post is about my aunt who lives in the States. Earlier this year I flew over to hers as I'd not seen her in half a decade, and I came out to her while I was there. It was unlikely I'd be able to do it face to face any other time in the near future, so I thought I should take the chance. She is the first and currently only Bangladeshi over a certain age to whom I have revealed my bisexuality to. She doesn't know about this blog, and so right now I can only write about my point of view. Hopefully one day that'll change, and I'll be able to share her thoughts as well.


My aunt was born and brought up in Bangladesh. She is a religious Muslim woman in her late thirties who prays five times a day. Make of that what you will. She is also a thinking woman, a scientist and a person who relies on logic and reason in a manner that the world could learn from. We were close while I was growing up. She was still at university when I was in school and this made her feel young and approachable. She is openly liberal, and accepting of the fact that my peripatetic upbringing has made me different. She always acknowledged that said upbringing meant I was not the traditional Bangladeshi son my parents once wanted me to be. Most importantly, she also asserted that this was completely fine. This made me feel that there was someone in my corner, something that was often missing during my childhood.

She eventually left Bangladesh to live, study and work across Asia and America. These experiences have made her, in her own words, different now – although I would personally argue she has always been different. All of this made me think she would be the ideal first candidate to come out to amongst my older relatives. If things went well, she could become an ally. If things went badly, I couldn’t imagine her telling my parents or setting out to harm me in any way. Nevertheless, the actual act of explaining my bisexuality to her was a daunting experience. I was planning to spend almost ten days with her family, and I had already decided to let the first half go by as a normal holiday. The day I eventually did decide to tell her, the baby cousin got sick. The day after my uncle decided to come home early and take us out to dinner. The day after that my aunt decided to have a massive migraine, but by now I was going crazy so I decided to hell with the headache.

I told her we needed to talk, and so we sat down and talked. Same-sex marriage had actually come up a few days earlier on the news, and her own commentary on it had left me a little nervous. She had said that physical pleasure had many forms, which was no big deal, but had questioned its need to be validated through marriage. I made the point about the emotional aspect of a same-sex relationship, she hmm-ed and didn’t press the argument further. Now, we had the entire conversation. Hours of it. In a way, it helped that I was bisexual. I can be emotionally and physically attracted to a woman in the same way I can be attracted to man. This duality actually seemed to make it easier for her to understand. I put it to her in other ways too. I can be attracted to a man a same way she can – we experience the same spectrum of feelings and emotions.

She accepted that a variety of attractions can exist. She didn’t need the cliched question of “when did you choose to be straight” posed to her. But she did want an explanation of the origins of sexuality, biologically speaking. I didn’t have an exact answer and frankly I don't think anyone definitively does at this time. I mentioned various studies that I had read of, including one relating to higher female fertility being directly proportional to a greater number of gay men in a family. She countered that these studies ultimately proved nothing as correlation does not prove causation. She offered the explanation espoused by her friends in Bangladeshi medical circles – the idea that same-sex attraction was a mental disorder. I questioned their qualification to comment on mental health given that this was not their specialisation. I also asked her if she thought I had a mental disorder. I don’t think she believed I had, but was rather setting me up for what I’d face in Bangladesh. I was glad that she was willing to communicate openly and unflinchingly.

We even briefly covered the thorny issue of Islam and its stance on non-heterosexuality. The conversation was actually quite tentative on both sides. Neither of us could claim any great amount Islamic knowledge, me even less so than her. My aunt admitted that she was becoming less certain of what is sold to us by the status quo, from an Islamic perspective at least, as right and wrong. She mentioned the usual obstacles to seeking more knowledge, like her inability to speak Arabic and the need to rely on translations of the Quran and questionable Hadith. She expressed her frustration with not being able to question the validity of scripture others quoted to her, or indeed quote scripture back. To this end, she asked me about a rather popular 'Hadith' used to condemn homosexuality and usually worded as: “when a man mounts a man, the throne of Allah shakes.” Now, I haven't ever been able to find a chain of transmission for this Hadith. Not that the internet knows everything, but I've never seen it backed up with thorough references and contextual information. This is scary given how commonly it's touted online, even to the point that my aunt would ask me about it.

She set about asking a few more practical questions. Who else knew that I was bisexual? Did I talk about it a lot? Did people in Bangladesh know? Her tone implied that she thought I should keep it quiet. I think this was partly because she wasn't completely comfortable with it herself, although she maintained it was because it could put me in harm's way. But I've left behind that phase of hiding for a long time now. All of my close friends know, in Bangladesh and elsewhere. Younger members of the family know, as do many colleagues and acquaintances in the UK and around the world. I told her as much, and she pursed her lips and glared at me. This made me laugh a little. I knew that look – she was annoyed with me. But I knew she would help me deal with things, if things were to ever happen.

The conversation then took a lighter and bizarrely amusing turn. She asked me if sexuality was indeed genetic, who did I think were the other queer folk in our extended family? And then she rattled through all the possibilities. Was it the cousin who'd not gotten herself a boyfriend yet? Or was it the uncle who's marriage had broken down in divorce? Or was it was the one who'd resisted getting married for years on end? Or maybe it was the other cousin who'd never gotten married at all! All of this speculation really did make me laugh. But I had to wonder, with such a large extended family, surely someone else out there isn't heterosexual?
She asked me about my relationships, and if I was dating. When I said yes, she asked me if I slept with everyone I dated, being carefully gender neutral with the word “everyone” in Bengali. This I loved. At the same time, I wondered where she was coming from. Was she uncomfortable with the idea of promiscuity, or the idea of gay sex specifically? Did she think I was dating, or just hooking up? I thought it would be better to clarify my approach to dating – which really meant meeting someone to hopefully establish a meaningful relationship with. That meant a lot of forgettable first dates, or even second and third dates that went nowhere. I was honest about how I did things – I wouldn't jump into bed with someone if I didn't think things were headed somewhere. So no, no promiscuity, but yes, gay sex is implied. Trying to gauge her feelings, I asked her if it mattered to her who I brought home. She was frank. She said she needed time to get used to my bisexuality. For now, she'd encourage me to bring a girl home. It would make my life easier, and it would be easier for her to accept at present. But what if I brought a guy home? Well, she was sure one day she would accept him too. Which is all I needed to hear really, as one day I may be counting on her to be a stand in for my parents.
Shahbag: Blog on Hold
Posted inbangladesh blog info opinion

Shahbag: Blog on Hold

The Shahbag protests in Dhaka, Bangladesh have been the biggest the country has seen in decadesThe blog will be on hold while I dedicate my spare time and Twitter account to the Shahbag protests. If you're unsure of what the Shahbag protests are about,...