Tip for Putting Flyers on Public Notice Boards
Posted inBi Activism Running a Bi Group

Tip for Putting Flyers on Public Notice Boards

Over the past few weeks I have been distributing flyers for BiCon around the good city of Nottingham. My key discovery has been that lots of places such as bookshops, cafes and supermarkets have mostly empty notice boards. This is because they either don’t provide any drawing pins or don’t provide enough of ’em! Even when I’ve … Continue reading Tip for Putting Flyers on Public Notice Boards →
Making Progress or Losing Ground: LGBT Asia
Posted inbiphobia bisexuality english event family islam LGBTQ bangladesh mental health opinion porn project dhee public speaking roopbaan

Making Progress or Losing Ground: LGBT Asia

Being Bisexual: Navigating Invisibility & Practicality


Level 5 Function Room, Royal Festival Hall


Last weekend I spoke at this Alchemy Festival event in the Southbank Centre. Organised by Bobby Tiwana, it was a brief look at South Asian LGBT communities in the home countries and the diaspora through the perspectives of various speakers. It was an intimate affair attended by around 40 to 50 people, with short talks followed up with café-style discussions among the audience and facilitators. I am posting the text of my speech below, which touched upon both bisexuality and the wider environment faced by LGBTQ people in Bangladesh. 

"I didn’t know the Bengali word for bisexual until I Googled it while I was at university. I didn’t actually even know the English word 'bisexual' until I was thirteen or so. Before then, I’d thought I was the weird gay kid who liked girls on the side.

I thought it would be good to start with some humour, but honestly I’m telling you this because it sets the tone for the rest of what I’m going to say, about how bisexuality is often not discussed or mentioned, or misunderstood.

I think bisexuals make many heterosexual and homosexual people uncomfortable - often because they’re confused by us. Maybe to an external monosexual observer, it can look like I’m pursuing men one day, and then the next day I flick a switch, become straight, and am pursuing women. And I guess this can be quite disconcerting, especially for a group of people who’ve built their activism around the slogan that sexual minorities do not choose to be attracted to who they’re attracted to. 
I think their discomfort is misplaced though, as in reality I do not choose the gender I am attracted to - it just to so happens, because I’m attracted to more than one gender, that I’m able to choose the gender of the person I pursue. This is an important distinction to make, but perhaps a tricky one to wrap your head around unless you’re willing to have a full-on conversation about bisexuality.

Of course, these dynamics can give rise to other potentially loaded questions. When I came out to my youngest aunt, one of the first things she asked was couldn’t I just date women? Wouldn’t that be both be safer and easier in Bangladeshi society? My answer was that I had tried to only date women, but doing that had meant I had to cut away and bury part of my identity - it was like I was pretending part of me was dead. She understood and could sympathise - and I think she was only trying to point out the practical.

But my answer isn’t the whole answer, as far bisexuality is concerned. What I described is just my experience as someone who is attracted quite strongly to men and women. But have a friend who, in her own words, is 'mostly straight'. She’s experimented with women but doesn’t feel as strongly about them as she does men. Her answer to my aunt’s question would probably have been quite different.

I come back to having full-on conversations. Communication is key - and talking to each other means we know where exactly we each stand. We all avoid making ignorant assumptions leading to uncomfortable situations. I’ve been asked by gay men if I’m just having fun with guys till I get married. I’ve also been asked by straight women if they’ll be enough for me - because they think physically they can’t offer me everything I want. Now the exact physicality of sexual intimacy isn’t that important to me, but the judgement is passed before I can say that. Popular culture doesn’t help - a bisexual is often someone who cheats, or bisexual porn as a genre is often about threesomes.

Apart from the presumed promiscuity, as a Bangladeshi I worry about the other misconceptions parents, family or society can have of sexual minorities. People often ask me if being Muslim complicates my situation. It does, but not necessarily in the way people think. The prevailing form of thought I have seen among folks across all demographics in Bangladesh is that they believe same-sex attractions are an illness, and condemnation manifests in various ways from this source. Islamic criticisms are but one of these manifestations. Of course, we need to have a rethink of why we interpret our religion without compassion for gender and sexual minorities. I know there are scholars who are working in this area now, and folks in the UK can go to organisations like Imaan or Safra as a first port of call. But in Bangladesh, I have atheist and humanist friends and family who aren’t fully comfortable with my sexuality either.

The root cause for a lot of this is ignorance. Things are getting better, however. We haven’t had any large scale movements, though you’ll be seeing photos behind me of a rainbow rally, which visibly includes hijras, held by Roopbaan, a newish group that promotes the freedom to love and brings out various LGBT publications. Their current profile picture on Facebook mentions biphobia, and the inclusion of bisexual factors in the conversation, something that is often missing with activism nowadays in the West, makes me happy. There’s also Project Dhee - which works to network and empower LGBT people themselves, most importantly including women, hijras and people from beyond just Dhaka. Obviously, poverty and literacy remain notable obstacles. Dhee is also successfully building allies from wider society, which shows people’s mindsets aren’t all stuck in the it’s-an-illness mode. I also know non-LGBT youth organisations are quietly gauging attitudes and educating, though I am unsure if they’re comfortable being named.

All said, the truth is Section 377 does hang over our heads. No case under it has ever made it to the Supreme Court but it’s also important to realise that 377 isn’t the only section of our penal code that can be used to stifle pro-LGBTQ action. And as with any big change affecting society, it’s important to note nowadays the state isn’t the only actor we should be wary of."

Thank you for reading. I spoke to a number of people following the event, and the content of the talk triggered some very interesting discussions. I've written a follow up piece this post, please click here if you're interested in reading the rest.  

200
Posted inbi bicon

200

BiCon 2015's bookings have just passed the 200 mark with 11 weeks to go. Rah rah them, etc.But it does take me back to the first time I ran a BiCon, in 2000. When we hit the 200 mark, which in round numbers was about a month out, we had to drop the rem...
It’s the start of the 2015 LGBT Pride season. Here’s a request…
Posted inbisexual black color lgbt lgbtiq poc pride trans

It’s the start of the 2015 LGBT Pride season. Here’s a request…













It’s the start of the 2015 LGBT Pride season. Here’s a request from me to all of you who like to take photos of these events (especially if you’re a journalist).

Old people who are LGBTIQA belong at Pride

People of Colour who are LGBTIQA belong at Pride

Disabled people who are LGBTIQA belong at Pride

TAKE THEIR PHOTOS TOO!

Year after year, all I see are pics of white, cis gay men and lesbians, or white Drag Queens. Every bloody year!  We are out and proud and happy to be part of Pride. Please reflect that.  Pride shouldn’t just be pale and stale.

For a list of many UK LGBT Pride events, see http://prideinlondon.org/pride-uk-2015/

5 Great Bisexual Coming Out Videos
Posted incoming out identity wellbeing

5 Great Bisexual Coming Out Videos

If you’re thinking of coming out as bisexual, then learning how other bisexual people have come out can be really helpful. Coming out videos provide an intimate way of sharing in another person’s experience. Watching these videos can help you build confidence in your own bisexuality. They also provide useful practical information on how to come out. There […]
2015 saw the 6th year of Big Bi Fun Day.  A suny day in…
Posted inbi bisexual bisexuality leicester lgbt

2015 saw the 6th year of Big Bi Fun Day.  A suny day in…











2015 saw the 6th year of Big Bi Fun Day.  A suny day in Leicester saw over thirty people enjoying this relaxed, family-friendly event.  There was picnics on the grass, games to enjoy and even some free jewellery in the quiet room!

Hannah has taken over the running of this annual event, as Sanji, the original organiser has moved out of the area.  I am really happy that this great day will continue.  So next year, why not come along to Big Bi Fun Day?  It really does live up to its name!

How to know for sure that you are bisexual
Posted inidentity wellbeing

How to know for sure that you are bisexual

At some point in their lives, most bisexual people will have asked themselves, ‘Am I really bisexual?’. You might be asking yourself this question right now. Often the implication of the question is ‘Am I a ‘true’ bisexual?’, as if there’s a gold standard or generic way of being bisexual. For some, being a ‘true’ […]