Bi Life… 10 years ago!

Bi Life… 10 years ago!

I just found an old email, and it turns out that the conference where the "Bisexual Life in Manchester" report was launched was held on 29th September 2003.  Just coming up on ten years ago.Gosh.This was the first bit of 'proper' research on bi ne...
Hysterectomy: a beginning

Hysterectomy: a beginning

I almost forgot:

I no longer have a womb.

When I come crying out hard;

Swearing “Fuck!” to the ceiling,

My cunt tightens, implodes under my fingers.

The space where my womb used to be

Becomes a vacuum.

Nature may hate it, but I don’t.

For every time I come I feel a spark:

A flicker of life in my innermost parts.

Something is growing.  Something moves.

I squeeze my eyes shut.  I imagine a bloom

Of pure energy.

Drawn out of pleasure,

A hopeful alien life reaches out.

A concept that nobody spoke of,

Until they took my cervix and my womb

To save my life;

To give me something new.

*

*

*

Life after a hysterectomy? Yes.

Sexual desire after a hysterectomy? Yes

Mind-altering orgasms after a hysterectomy? Hell Yes!

Alternative Android Apps

Alternative Android Apps

I don't like Android. It's too much like Windows.The operating system I'm most used to, Debian GNU/Linux, is a collection of almost-exclusively free software. One of the many upsides of this is that the applications therein tend to work well, do the jo...
Alternative Android Apps

Alternative Android Apps

I don't like Android. It's too much like Windows.The operating system I'm most used to, Debian GNU/Linux, is a collection of almost-exclusively free software. One of the many upsides of this is that the applications therein tend to work well, do the jo...
Gender – MY FEELS.

Gender – MY FEELS.


BRACE YOURSELVES (insert Aragon picture here) THIS POST WILL BE IN TWO SEPARATE PARTS.
Firstly, my feels. I know you love them (/it just might help for you to see where my head is at), then in a second part that I will be posting either later tonight or tomorrow will be answering YOUR BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS, along with my amazing friend Freya, so you have double the viewpoints.



So, despite my apparent love of words that begin with bi- (even though I am actually pan), I have recently had a rather large epiphany.



(No. I’m not straight. It’s a big social epiphany, but it’s not that.)



For a while, I’ve been questioning gender and the whole craic with gender and all that jazz…I have never really felt exclusively female…like HURRRR LOOK AT ME, I AM WOMAN; and felt like this combination of female and male but kind of thought of gender as more on a continuum. I think my brain must enjoy these, since my sexuality is appaz on one too…


Anyhoo, having known very little about it the glory that is my SCIENCE BRAIN went on a Google hunt. Aaaand the more I explored, the more I was like “This is like me/my life/this makes sense.”

Thus far in my life (imagine me 6 or so months ago, pottering around minding my own business), the experiences that I have had of society (both LGB and ‘straight’) with gender variant/non-binary/trans* peeps have not really been massively positive…There is a lot of judgement on the type of person that goes by a neutral pronoun/is genderqueer/is non-binary – and I found especially that even before anyone got to know the person they were seen as weird and to be avoided. 

Another common experience was meeting people who, having met one non-binary person that was annoying/weird, assumed it was a trait of their gender identity, not a personality issue. This made my battle with how I was feeling a lot more difficult to come to terms with. I couldn’t work out if I was ‘one of them’, and if I was, I hoped I wasn’t as annoying/weird but feared that I was, and that if I ‘came out’ my friends would view me as the same.


 So, chatting this through with one of my closest pals who was also going through something similar, I managed to figure out  bit of the headfluff – that most probably I didn’t have the exact same characteristics as the people that my friends perceived in a certain light, and that non-binary was me. Buuut out of fear of the consequences to my friendships/relationships/life I didn’t tell anyone (except for pal numero uno, as previously mentioned). 

THEN I had the amazing experience that was NUS LGBT Conference. Of all of the places I have ever been in the world EVER, that is the most comfortable I have felt being myself and not feeling like I should conceal any feelings I had. I wanted to go to trans* caucus, but was terrified – I had confided in a trans* friend about my intense feels and been knocked back and told I wasn’t trans (which I don’t define myself as specifically anyway, I’m just not cis…) so was scared that I would be judged by other people. However, I met some truly AWESOME and inspirational people that made me realise: I am okay. It is okay. It gave me so much confidence and all of the feels…



 So then I had a bit of a Buddha-style “BE THE CHANGE” epiphany and decided that if I wanted to change how the people around me generally viewed non-binary, then sitting hiding in a corner pretending I'm a female unicorn was going to do fluff all. They all seemed to like me for being me as ‘female’ so what’s in a pronoun? I’d be open with myself, and maybe some people would get to learn some stuff along the way.

And, knowing that a lot of the reason I was scared is because I had NO CLUE ABOUT ANYTHING, I’ve come up with a bit of general info/FAQs on my perception of life and all that jazz in terms of GENDER.

Knowledge is power and so forth.

I also asked you beautiful people for your questions, and with the help of my top pally Freya (who is also just as cool as me, and in the same proverbial boat) we shall give you 2 LOTS OF ANSWERS, either tonight or tomorrow. It's like buy one get one free. And you don't even have to buy one.

Stay tuned kiddos!
Much loves xx
LGBT glossary

LGBT glossary

This glossary is from the San Francisco Human Rights Commission LGBT Advisory Committee Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations report (http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/19907257/bi%20invisibility%20-%20FULL%20final%20for%20HRC.pdf) which I 'reviewed' in an earlier post. It's just such a good glossary.


Biphobia

Fear or hatred of bisexuals, sometimes manifesting in discrimination, isolation, harassment, or violence. Often biphobia is based on inaccurate stereotypes, including associations with infidelity, promiscuity, and transmission of sexually transmitted diseases. See also homophobia, transphobia

Bisexual

An individual who’s enduring physical, romantic, emotional, and/or spiritual attraction is to people of more than one sex/gender. While some people call themselves pansexual or omnisexual, these terms should be avoided unless quoting someone who self-identifies that way.

VARIATIONS: Fluid, ambisexual, pansexual

AVOID: Bi-sexual, fence sitters, switch hitters, “try”-sexual

Cisgendered

Describes people who identify with the sex they were assigned at birth. See also gender-variant

Closeted

Describes people who are not open about their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Note, though, that for a transgender person, being closeted is different from passing as one’s preferred gender, which does not have the negative connotation of hiding something (see passing below).

Cross-Dresser, Transvestite

An individual who occasionally wears clothes traditionally associated with people of a different sex.

Cross-dressers are usually comfortable with the sex they were assigned at birth and do not wish to change it. “Cross-dresser” should NOT be used to describe someone who has transitioned to live full-time as a different sex, or who intends to do so in the future. Some people prefer to use the term transvestite to describe themselves, but it is not universally accepted and should be avoided unless quoting someone who self-identifies that way. See also gender expression

Different-Sex Couple

A romantic pairing involving two people of different sexes. The individuals involved may identify with any sexual orientation.

AVOID: Opposite-sex couple, straight couple, heterosexual couple

Drag Queen, Drag King

An individual who wears clothes traditionally associated with people of a different sex primarily as a costume or persona, usually in the context of a public event or performance. The outfits of drag queens/kings often include elements that are exaggerated or over the top, such as elaborate gowns or fake facial hair. See also gender expression

Dyke

Traditionally a pejorative term, dyke has been reclaimed by many lesbian and bisexual women to describe themselves. Some value the term for its defiance. Nevertheless, it is not universally accepted and should be avoided unless quoting someone who self-identifies that way.

VARIATIONS: Bi dyke

Gay

An individual who’s enduring physical, romantic, emotional, and/or spiritual attraction is to people of the same sex. The term usually applies specifically to men. In contemporary contexts, lesbian is often a preferred term for women, though some women of colour, working-class women, and older women still describe themselves as gay. Avoid using gay as a collective adjective when LGBT would be more accurate (for example, LGBT movement rather than gay movement).

VARIATIONS: Man-loving man

AVOID: Homosexual, fag

Gender Identity

One’s internal, personal sense of being male, female, or third-gender. For transgender and thirdgender people, their birth-assigned sex and their own internal sense of gender identity do not match.

Gender Identity Disorder (GID)

A controversial DSM-IV diagnosis given to transgender and other gender-variant people. Because it labels people as “disordered,” gender identity disorder is often considered offensive. Replaces the outdated term gender dysphoria.

Gender Expression

External manifestation of one’s gender identity, usually expressed through “masculine,” “feminine,” or gender-variant behaviour (including interests and mannerisms), clothing, haircut, voice, or body characteristics.

Gender-variant

Refers to anyone whose gender identity varies from the male/female binary, including transgender and third-gender people.

Heteronormativity

The set of power relations that normalize and regiment sexuality, marginalizing everything outside the ideals of heterosexuality, monogamy, and gender conformity.

Heterosexism; Heterosexual Privilege

Heterosexism is the attitude that heterosexuality is the only valid sexual orientation. It often takes the form of ignoring bisexuals, gay men, and lesbians. Heterosexual privilege refers to the benefits granted automatically to heterosexual people that are denied to bisexuals, gay men, and lesbians.

Bisexuals are sometimes accused of hiding behind “heterosexual” privilege when they are in different-sex couples.

Heterosexual

An individual who’s enduring physical, romantic, emotional, and/or spiritual attraction is to people of a different sex.

VARIATIONS: Straight

Homophobia

Fear or hatred of lesbians and gay men, sometimes manifesting in discrimination, isolation, harassment, or violence. Prejudice is usually a more accurate description of hatred or antipathy toward LGBT people. See also biphobia, transphobia

Intersex; Person with Intersex

Describes a person whose biological sex is ambiguous. There are many genetic, hormonal, or anatomical variations that can make a person’s sex ambiguous (such as Klinefelter Syndrome or adrenal hyperplasia).

VARIATIONS: Disorder of sex development; person with an intersex condition

AVOID: Hermaphroditism; hermaphrodite

Lesbian

A woman who’s enduring physical, romantic, emotional, and/or spiritual attraction is to other women.

VARIATIONS: Woman-loving woman

AVOID: Homosexual

LGBT

Acronym for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender.” LGBT and/or GLBT are often used because they are more inclusive of the diversity of the community.

VARIATIONS: GLBT, BGLT, LGBTQ (queer), LGBTQQ (queer, questioning), LGBTQQI (queer, questioning, intersex)

Marriage Equality

Access to civil marriage regardless of sexual orientation and/or gender identity. If necessary to distinguish between different types of rights, benefits, etc., use same-sex marriage and different-sex marriage. However, because same-sex couples are seeking access to an existing structure rather than trying to create a new one, it is preferable to refer to marriage equality whenever possible.

AVOID: Gay marriage

MSM

Men who have sex with men. This term is used, particularly in research, to describe sexual behaviour as distinct from sexual orientation.

MSMW

Men who have sex with men and women. This term is used, particularly in research, to describe sexual behaviour as distinct from sexual orientation.

Openly Bisexual/Gay/Lesbian/Transgender

Describes people who self-identify as bisexual/gay/lesbian/transgender in their public and/or professional lives. Unless the openness is important in context, it is preferable simply to describe the person as bisexual, gay, lesbian, or transgender.

Out/Coming Out/Outing

Being out describes a person who is open about being bisexual, gay, lesbian, or transgender. Coming out is a lifelong process of self-acceptance of one’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity. People forge an identity first for themselves and then may reveal it to others. Publicly identifying one’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity may or may not be part of coming out. Outing is the act of publicly declaring or revealing another person’s sexual orientation (sometimes based on rumour and/or speculation) without that person’s consent; it is considered inappropriate by a large portion of the LGBT community.

Passing

When applied to a transgender person, describes someone living as her/his preferred gender without (or rarely) being questioned. However, when applied to a bisexual, gay, or lesbian person, the word takes on a negative connotation (see also closeted).

Queer

Traditionally a pejorative term, queer has been appropriated by some LGBT people to describe themselves; some value the term for its defiance and because it can be inclusive of the entire LGBT community. Nevertheless, it is not universally accepted even within the LGBT community and should be avoided unless quoting someone who self-identifies that way.

Questioning

Refers to people who are uncertain as to their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. They are often seeking information and support during this stage of their identity development.

Same-Sex Couple

A romantic pairing involving two people of the same sex. The individuals involved may identify with any sexual orientation.

AVOID: Gay couple, lesbian couple, homosexual couple

Sex

The classification of people as male or female. At birth, infants are assigned a sex based on a combination of bodily characteristics, including chromosomes, hormones, internal reproductive organs, and genitals. See also intersex

Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS)

Refers to surgical alteration for transgender people (see transition). Not all transgender people choose to or can afford to have SRS.

AVOID: Sex change operation

Sexual Orientation

The scientifically accurate term for an individual’s enduring physical, romantic, emotional, and/or spiritual attraction to members of the same and/or different sex, including bisexual, gay, heterosexual, and lesbian orientations. Also note that gender identity and sexual orientation are not the same; transgender people may be bisexual, gay, heterosexual, or lesbian.

AVOID: Lifestyle, sexual preference

Third-Gender, Genderqueer

Refers to people who identify their gender as not conforming to the traditional western model of gender as binary. They may identify their gender as combining aspects of women and men or as being neither women nor men.

VARIATIONS: Androgynous, androgyne, polygender

Transgender; Transgender Person

An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Transgender people may or may not choose to alter their bodies hormonally and/or surgically. The term may include but is not limited to transsexuals, thirdgender/genderqueer people, cross-dressers, and other gender-variant people. Use the descriptive terms (transgender, transsexual, cross-dresser, female-to-male [FTM], trans man, male-to-female

[MTF], trans woman) and pronouns preferred by the individual.

AVOID: She-male, he-she, it, trannie, tranny, gender-bender

Transition

The multi-step process of altering one’s birth sex over a long period of time. The cultural, legal, and medical adjustments made as part of transitioning may include telling one’s family, friends, and/or co-workers; using different pronouns to describe oneself; changing one’s name and/or sex on legal documents; beginning hormone therapy; and/or possibly (though not always) undergoing some form of surgical alteration.

AVOID: Sex change; pre-operative, post-operative

Transphobia

Fear or hatred of transgender people, sometimes manifesting in discrimination, isolation, harassment, or violence. See also biphobia, homophobia

Transsexual

An older term which originated in the medical and psychological communities. Many transgender people prefer the term “transgender” to “transsexual.” Some transsexual people still prefer to use the term to describe themselves. However, unlike transgender, transsexual is not an umbrella term, and many transgender people do not identify as transsexual. It is best to ask which term an individual prefers.

VARIATIONS: Transexual

Two-Spirit

A term often used in Native American/First Nation cultures to describe people whose sexual orientation and/or gender identity falls beyond binary definitions. Historically, these individuals crossed gender boundaries and were accepted (sometimes revered) by Native/First Nation cultures.

WSMW

Women who have sex with men and women. This term is used, particularly in research, to describe sexual behaviour as distinct from sexual orientation.

WSW

Women who have sex with women. This term is used, particularly in research, to describe sexual behaviour as distinct from sexual orientation.

Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations

Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations

San Francisco Human Right Commission LGBT Advisory Committee published a report called Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations and this I suppose this is my 'review' of the document. You can find the PDF here: http://dl.d...
Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations

Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations

San Francisco Human Right Commission LGBT Advisory Committee published a report called Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations and this I suppose this is my 'review' of the document. You can find the PDF here: http://dl.d...
BiCon Same-sex relationships session – draft 2

BiCon Same-sex relationships session – draft 2

Second draft based on helpful comments:Same-sex relationshipsWhile many of us are open to same-sex relationships, there haven't been a lot of BiCon sessions focussing on them so I will facilitate informal conversation at this session about same-sex rel...
BiCon Same-sex relationships session – draft 2

BiCon Same-sex relationships session – draft 2

Second draft based on helpful comments:Same-sex relationshipsWhile many of us are open to same-sex relationships, there haven't been a lot of BiCon sessions focussing on them so I will facilitate informal conversation at this session about same-sex rel...