Bi and nearly 50 2: Mary
Posted in57 varieties Ageing Bi and nearly 50 Invisibility Women

Bi and nearly 50 2: Mary

Due to popular demand, I have expanded the remit of this blog series to include people who are nearly 50. There are even more of us out there!


As before, the questions in bold come from me. Everything else is written by the interviewees themselves.


****


My name is Mary Rowson, I am nearly 49 (just about 50!) and live in Australia with my husband and grown-up daughter. I was born and raised in Nelson, New Zealand - a very beautiful part of the world. I am a social worker by trade and also a writer and musician (I play the violin).

How did you come to think of yourself as bisexual?

I recognised attraction to more than one gender as a young adolescent (1970s) but didn’t fully understand it until my late 30s/40s. I thought I was mistaken or ‘confused’. The AIDS epidemic was hitting NZ at the time I was recognising my bisexual feelings. Unfortunately bisexual men were getting a hammering from the press then for being ‘the evil spreaders of disease’. The negative stereotypes really affected me, and I pushed all those feelings down. Of course, they exploded 25 years later (as feelings tend to do when pushed down!).


What does being bisexual mean to you?

Being bisexual means being attracted to more than one gender to me.


Has this changed over the years, and if so how?

Yes, things have changes significantly for me. I have tried polyamory (loved the person but decided it wasn’t for me). I have become increasingly interested in writing short stories with bi characters in them and have also (like Harrie) written a novel with bisexual main characters.I am also involved with the bisexual alliance in Melbourne and think it is crucial to keep pushing bi visibility. I think older bi visibility is particularly an issue, so I like what you are doing here!

What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality and how do they react?

My friends and family have been pretty ok with it apart from a few! Presenting as confident about my sexuality certainly helps to reinforce positive reactions back from people.


Looking back over your life so far, is there anything you wish you’d done differently?

I wish I had come out earlier but actually I don’t think it would have worked out, so no, I don’t have regrets.


What about your hopes or fears for the future regarding bisexuality?

My hopes are that bisexuality will be recognised as real and bisexual people will be able to be themselves –in all their wonderful diversity.


Any words of wisdom for younger bi people – or older ones?

Be yourselves. You DO exist and you are absolutely OK.


Would you like to help combat bi erasure and increase the visibility of bisexual people over 50? There are plenty of us out there, but far too many people don’t know that.


I am looking for other individuals over 50 (or thereabouts) who would like to contribute their “email interviews”, as Mary has done here. For more about what to do, look at this post. 


Thanks.


Bi magazine is compiling a Purple List….
Posted inbi bisexual

Bi magazine is compiling a Purple List….



Bi magazine is compiling a Purple List. http://thisisbiscuit.com/purple-list-tell-us-youd-like-give-bi-five/

So below I’ve included a list of a few bisexual activists who I think are making the world a better place. It’s not everyone, and I know I’ll miss out some by accident, but here goes!

Ele Hicks http://www.bicymru.org.uk/author/ele/ My go to person for anything bi and Welsh!

Jennifer Moore http://www.uncharted-worlds.org/spindex.htm Incredibly talented musician & activist in Nottingham

Shirt Eisner http://radicalbi.wordpress.com/about/ Author of Notes for a Bi Revolution

Jen Yockney http://bicommunitynews.co.uk Editor extraordinaire of BCN & Manchester bi activist

Sue George http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.co.uk Sue has been writing about bisexuality longer than anyone I know.

Marcus Morgan http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk The brains behind the Bi Index, educator & great public speaker.

Edward Lord OBE http://edwardlord.org Did you notice the OBE? Ed is a bi activist who also supports diversity in sport. And he probably met the Queen.

Robyn Ochs http://robynochs.com Robyn’s work as a bi activist is internationally known. She has edited books, given presentations and done so much more in the U.S and beyond.

Also, there’s me!

When it comes to celebrities, take pick from Frank Ocean, Alice Walker, Grace Jones and many more.

This list isn’t confined to the UK, so check out the Bi groups around the world http://www.biresource.net/bisexualgroups.shtml for an activist closer to your location that has done good things for bi-kind.

Bisexual and over 50 4: Lynnette
Posted in57 varieties Ageing Bi and over 50 Bi Community coming out Invisibility Women

Bisexual and over 50 4: Lynnette

Here's the latest in the series of email interviews with bi people over 50. Other potential interviewees always welcome - do get in touch!

Each of the "interviews" is written by the individuals concerned, with the questions in bold coming from me.

*****
My name is Lynnette McFadzen and I live in Portland, Oregon, USA. I am a 57 year-old single white cis-gendered woman with three daughters and four grandchildren. I am single and, at the moment, celibate.


I am disabled but have had many occupations in the past, from nursing to chainsaw chain packaging. The packaging job is where I lost most of my hearing but it really started way before then. After the death of my estranged husband and my mother, I had my biggest breakdown and attempted suicide. That time I sought help. I spent the next 10 years healing and figuring out why my life was so dysfunctional. There was no room for relationships during that time.


How did you come to think of yourself as bisexual?

          

Last year I had finished my second round of chemo for Hepatitis C that I probably contracted as a nurse in my 20s. Not that it is important where I got it - Hep C is non-discerning. The first round failed so I spent a total of two years in treatment. That's a lot of down time to think.


At the end I felt ready to try dating and my old demons re-emerged. I found women attractive. I always had. My first crush was on Audrey Hepburn and I had a series of “girl crushes” throughout my life. But I truly believed all the lies I had been told about bisexuality.I spent the best part of my life proving to myself I was heterosexual and somehow broken and wrong inside. I know that was a contributing factor to my depression and suicide attempts. I really believed my loved ones would be better off without my evilness. What saved me was realizing I could not leave the legacy of suicide to my children and grandchildren. My father had done that to me.


I had never really acted on my same attractions but once and it was a disaster. But with the help of good friends and family I began to learn bisexuality was not what I thought. I turned to the LGBT community and was met with disdain, coolness or outright hostility. I was shocked and disheartened.


So I searched for a bisexual community and eventually was able to find it online. I made good supportive friends with similar stories and similar struggles with internalized biphobia. Through this I was able to accept that, yes I am bisexual. But it took some searching And the search engines at the time were not much help.


It also spurred me to help others like me who felt lost and alone and confused to find and build their support, and realize they can be proud. And have a community of their own since I am limited physically I decided to learn to podcast. And with friends and volunteers we created The BiCast. A podcast for the bisexual community. 


What does being bisexual mean to you?


It means being a complete whole person with no internal shame or feeling of wrongness. Of understanding myself. It means being at peace with me. It has really to do with sex and everything to do with self love. And knowing that just because I am bisexual it doesn't alter my moral compass at all


How has this changed over the years?

I just came out last year. Doing that to myself was the biggest issue. The climate is changing for the general public perception of bisexuality. But the biggest reason I could not accept sooner that I was bisexual was because of what most people believed as I grew up and many still do. That it is a lifestyle choice, that you are shallow, indecisive, hypersexual, liars and all round morally bankrupt. It is changing, but not fast enough for me.


What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality and how do they react?


Everyone knows I'm bi. It's part of being on a podcast about bisexuality. My family and friends are totally supportive. I am blessed with a diverse and loving family and have been fortunate to find amazing people as friends. I am a lucky one. I am in a really safe place.


Looking back over your life so far, is there anything you wish you’d done differently?


I wish sometimes I had come to terms with this at a much earlier age. That I may have dismissed a good relationship as a possibility based on gender. That I had not tortured myself for no reason at all.

I get a bit melancholy but then remember it gives me a better appreciation of the happiness I have now.


What about your hopes or fears for the future (regarding bisexuality)?


Truthfully, I want to see how all bisexuals are treated change, and help others understand they are OK.


Any words of wisdom for younger bi people – or older ones?


For both really. Don't believe what you are told. Find out your own truth. Stay strong.


YOU ARE NOT WRONG. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. YOU DESERVE RESPECT.YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING. YOU ARE BISEXUAL.


Would you like to help combat bi erasure and increase the visibility of bisexual people over 50? There are plenty of us out there, but far too many people don’t know that.


I am looking for other individuals over 50 who would like to contribute their “email interviews”, as Lynnette has done here. For more about what to do, look at this post. 


Thanks.



Older Bisexual Meetup
Posted inage Ageing bi bisexual elder lgbt queer

Older Bisexual Meetup

I attended the Older Bisexual Meetup on Monday 17th November. It was held at Age Uk’s Camden Office at Tavistock Square, London. The group meets on a monthly basis from 6-8pm. The venue is very accessible, and the meetup took place in a large airy room on the ground floor. Nickie, the host, said we had to move to that room as the meeting was so well attended that they had run out of space in their usual location! There were eleven people on the night I visited. In a rare event, there were more men present than women, which was a surprise to me. Everyone was friendly, and the attendees came from a variety of backgrounds and ethnicities. Kate, who works for Opening Doors, and Nickie had provided a range of refreshments which was very welcome, especially as some of the attendees had come to the meeting straight after work.

The group is aimed at any bisexual person who is over 50, or who is interested in life for bisexuals over 50. I am not their target audience for age, but I have worries about how my life will be when I’m older. I’ve heard of too many LGBT people who are forced back in the closet when they enter care homes, and of the way the LGBT scene is often aimed at those who are young. When I include elements such as racism, sexism and biphobia into this, I feel justified to have worries.

The meetup itself was quite easy-going. I spoke a little about my volunteering role at the Terrence Higgin’s Trust project for people over 50 living with HIV. That led to a discussion on safer sex for older people which proved useful to some attendees. Kate Harad was also present; she spoke about the project “Purple Prose” a proposed guide for bisexual people in the U.K. There will be a chapter on bisexuality through our lifetime. Several attendees were excited about the project, and gave some suggestions and comments about how they could get involved.

The night came to an end at 8pm. There was a flurry of people swapping contact details, and a lot of smiles. I had a very pleasant time, and was thankful that groups like this exist.

The next meetup will be on 15th December 2014

Health, Wealth and Happiness http://www.tht.org.uk/myhiv/Staying-healthy/Health-Wealth-and-Happiness
Purple Prose http://loveandzombies.co.uk/purple-prose-a-uk-bisexual-guide/
Age UK http://www.ageuk.org.uk
Opening Doors London http://openingdoorslondon.org.uk
Older Bisexual Meetup http://www.meetup.com/london-bisexuals/events/218775112/

Dates for 2015 Pub Socials
Posted inBiTopia Events

Dates for 2015 Pub Socials

8th Jan 12th Feb 12th March 9th April 14th May 11th June 9th July 13th Aug 10th Sept 8th Oct 12th Nov 10th Dec In addition there is usually the Big Bi Fun Day (family friendly picnic type event in Leicester) one weekend towards the beginning of May and BiCon is usually one weekend towards […]
I’ve recently been voted in as the bisexual people’s…
Posted inbi bisexual pride

I’ve recently been voted in as the bisexual people’s…



I’ve recently been voted in as the bisexual people’s rep for London Pride Community Advisory Board! http://prideinlondon.org/about/who/community-advisory-board/

I promise to do the following:-

1 LISTEN TO BISEXUAL PEOPLE!

2 Not be so into myself I will refuse to learn

3 Listen to bi folks some more

I hope to count on your support as I take on this new post. Because I’m half overjoyed and half petrified!

I can be contacted at Jacq.bi.rep AT gmail DOT COM