Happy Christmas
For anyone who missed it and wishes they hadn't - our special Christmas e-bulletin is here. Happy Boxing Day!
Posted in57 varieties Ageing Bi and over 50 Invisibility Women
Bi and over 50 6: Lou
Here’s the latest in the series of email “interviews” with bisexual people over 50. Thanks everyone for your interest!
As before, the questions in bold have been written by me. The rest of the interview is written by the interviewees themselves.
***
I'm Lou Hoffman, 56, white, cis female. I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, and I'm legally married to Martin Quam. He’s also bi and 56, and he's native american and white, cis male. We live with our two kids, Arthur and Tristan, who just turned 22. We're poly and I have a girlfriend who is also bi.
I currently work part time at Target, though I am semi-retired due to disabilities. I've had quite a few different jobs over my life time and also a lot of experiences outside the ordinary, as my philosophy is that if I haven't done something before that's a good enough reason to try it!
I currently work part time at Target, though I am semi-retired due to disabilities. I've had quite a few different jobs over my life time and also a lot of experiences outside the ordinary, as my philosophy is that if I haven't done something before that's a good enough reason to try it!
How did you come to think of yourself as bisexual?
When I was 12 or 13, I realized I was attracted to both men and women, I first heard the word "bisexual" when David Bowie came out as bi, and I was so relieved, not only that there was a word for it but also because if there was a word for it, that meant there were others like me. They wouldn't have made up a word for just Bowie and I! It's funny now, but I grew up Catholic and on a dairy farm in rural Wisconsin: VERY isolated. i didn't come out to anyone until I was 24.
When I went to collage I finally met people who were out as lesbian and gay, though comments and jokes about bisexuality ensured I stayed closeted. But I was rumoured to be lesbian and was openly an ally. It was after college that I moved to Minneapolis, met people who were trans, realized that my attractions were all across all the spectrums, and then met my partner Martin. We were both closeted but soon came out to each other, and shortly after that joined a local bi support group. I've been coming out and being active since then, 32 years now that I've been out, and 43 years since I started identifying as bi. Some phase, huh?
What does being bisexual mean to you?
What does being bisexual mean to you?
Up until that point (coming out and joining a bi group) I hadn't thought out a definition of bisexuality and what it means to me, but it was through talking with others that the idea solidified for me. I was part of the discussion back then on what we, as an organization, meant by the word, and for me it's an attraction to people who are similar to and different from my own gender identity.
What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality?
Since I am very active and out, I can't think of anyone who doesn't know I'm bi. Most people are accepting and supportive, but the more conservative family members just ignore it. This is not to say I haven't been harassed for my identity, but I've been lucky to live in one of the best cities to be bi in the United States. I have not experienced sexual or physical harassment or violence; unfortunately I do know a significant number of people who have. I maintain many connections to people in the rural communities and have a great deal of sympathy for those who are isolated. While it isn't perfect, thank technology for the Internet, so people can find others! That is the biggest, most significant change in the years I've been out and active!
I'm pretty satisfied with my life so far. I've had a lot of fun! I may not be rich in dollars but I'm rich is experiences, friends and family. It would be nice to win the lottery so I could financially support the non-profits I'm involved in, but hey, I contribute my time and energy, and as I retire I hope, health permitting, that I can continue to do so. Being part of the bi communities has enriched me beyond any measure.
What are your hopes or fears for the future?
I hope that in the future the bi communities get funded! Though I may be experienced at working on a shoestring, it's so much easier to work on stuff when your organization has funds! We really need to do outreach to the celebrities that are coming out as bi! And I absolutely support people identifying as whatever speaks their truth, but I hope we don't fragment into competing identities. I hope all non monosexual people work together!
Any words of wisdom for younger (or older) bi people?
I don't know if I have any advice to give to anyone. Keep open to new ideas and experiences, but don't be gullible. Be kind. Get involved. You can make a difference.
Would you like to help combat bi erasure and increase the visibility of bisexual people over 50? There are plenty of us out there, but far too many people don’t know that.
I am looking for other individuals over 50 who would like to contribute their “email interviews”, as Lou has done here. For more about what to do, look at this post.
Thanks.
bisofcolour: Bisexuals of Colour will be meeting up monthly in…
Stratford station has step free access.
You can take buses 69 or 257 for 1 stop.
You can also walk 5 mins. Just turn left out of the station
You will see what looks like a Stargate! Cross the road there.
Walk past the cinema. Stratford Circus is the big blue building to the left
You have arrived! Bi's of Colour meet in the area above the cafe. There are lifts
Bisexuals of Colour will be meeting up monthly in 2015 at Stratford Circus, London E15 1BX. These will be informal social meetings. It is not intended to be a dating/hookup thing!
We will meet on the 2nd Saturday of each month from 1-3pm.
Below are the directions of how to get to Stratford Circus from Stratford station. There are good connections by bus, underground, DLR & train. There is a car park nearby in the old Stratford shopping centre.
1: Stratford station has step free access.
2: You can take buses 69 or 257 for 1 stop.
3: You can also walk 5 mins. Just turn left out of the station
4: You will see what looks like a Stargate! Cross the road there.
5: Walk past the cinema. Stratford Circus is the big blue building to the left
6: You have arrived! Bi’s of Colour meet in the area above the cafe. There are lifts available.
BiTalkia is go!
I am thrilled to announce that we now have our first date for BiTalkia! Evening of Monday 23 February 2015, at the Friends’ Meeting House (FMH), with an optional pre-meet leaving the Central Library at 7pm to walk up together. The pre-meet at the library is primarily to address an access concern raised by someone […]
Posted in57 varieties Ageing Bi and over 50 Invisibility men
Bi and over 50 5: Chip
I'm so pleased with the response to this series of email interviews with bi people over 50. Thanks again to everyone who has shown interest in this project.
Each of the "interviews" is written by the individual concerned, with the questions in bold written by me.
***
My name is Chip and I'm a 51-year-old white, bisexual male from Boston, Massachusetts, USA, where I work as a professional freelance artist. Currently single and looking.
How did you come to think of yourself as bisexual?
I knew I was bi when as a teenage boy I'd enjoy looking at my older sister's Playgirl magazines (depicting photos of nude men). I was fascinated by their bodies - athletic, hairy chests, and of course their penises! When I had sex with another man, it felt natural. It felt wonderful. I loved it.
What does being bisexual mean to you?
Being bisexual means I have twice the chance of getting lucky in a bar - LOL! I have the ability to be happy, enjoy relationships and sexual intimacy with both men and women without guilt.
Has this changed over the years, and if so how?
For men, it is harder to be bisexual than women,. If a woman openly flirts or kisses another woman it's hot, and accepted. If a guy openly flirts with or kisses another guy, he's labelled as gay.
What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality and how do they react?
After years in the closet, inspired by the positive reaction of a Boston sports writer, who came out as gay, and at the urging of friends who are lesbians, I decided to come out on a Facebook status update. I explained that I had an announcement to make. I wrote for years I had been intimately attracted to both men and women,. That to support my art career I had worked as a stripper in a gay bar. In closing, I said I wanted to come out of the closet and let you all know I am a happy bisexual man. Then I went to bed.
The response the next morning was great and supportive. It felt like a piano off my back. Even some straight girls/guys introduced me to their gay brothers or cousins for dates.
What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality and how do they react?
After years in the closet, inspired by the positive reaction of a Boston sports writer, who came out as gay, and at the urging of friends who are lesbians, I decided to come out on a Facebook status update. I explained that I had an announcement to make. I wrote for years I had been intimately attracted to both men and women,. That to support my art career I had worked as a stripper in a gay bar. In closing, I said I wanted to come out of the closet and let you all know I am a happy bisexual man. Then I went to bed.
The response the next morning was great and supportive. It felt like a piano off my back. Even some straight girls/guys introduced me to their gay brothers or cousins for dates.
Looking back over your life so far, is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
I wish I'd come out sooner. No question. Wish I had explored more relationships with guys.
What about your hopes or fears for the future regarding bisexuality?
I hope more male and female celebrities come out as bisexual so it gives encouragement to people young and old to enjoy being bisexual without fear of being beaten, bullied or chastised by others.
Any words of wisdom for younger bi people – or older ones?
Come our of the closet and enjoy love with whoever you desire without fear or guilt.
Chip is on Twitter @chipobrien - he is looking to meet bisexual men or women for friendship and more.
Any words of wisdom for younger bi people – or older ones?
Come our of the closet and enjoy love with whoever you desire without fear or guilt.
Chip is on Twitter @chipobrien - he is looking to meet bisexual men or women for friendship and more.
Would you like to help combat bi erasure and increase the visibility of bisexual people over 50? There are plenty of us out there, but far too many people don’t know that.
I am looking for other individuals over 50 who would like to contribute their “email interviews”, as Chip has done here. For more about what to do, look at this post.
Thanks.
Last call for survey on plans for BiTalkia discussion group
We’ve now had 23 replies to the anonymous survey about setting up a new bi discussion group in Nottingham! Nine people so far have said they are “keen”, and another 11 have said “maybe” (the other three just wanted to enthuse and wish us luck :-) ) If you’re reading this on a non-bi list […]
Posted in57 varieties Ageing Bi and nearly 50 Invisibility Women
Bi and nearly 50 2: Mary
Due to popular demand, I have expanded the remit of this blog series to include people who are nearly 50. There are even more of us out there!
As before, the questions in bold come from me. Everything else is written by the interviewees themselves.
****
My name is Mary Rowson, I am nearly 49 (just about 50!) and live in Australia with my husband and grown-up daughter. I was born and raised in Nelson, New Zealand - a very beautiful part of the world. I am a social worker by trade and also a writer and musician (I play the violin).
How did you come to think of yourself as bisexual?
I recognised attraction to more than one gender as a young adolescent (1970s) but didn’t fully understand it until my late 30s/40s. I thought I was mistaken or ‘confused’. The AIDS epidemic was hitting NZ at the time I was recognising my bisexual feelings. Unfortunately bisexual men were getting a hammering from the press then for being ‘the evil spreaders of disease’. The negative stereotypes really affected me, and I pushed all those feelings down. Of course, they exploded 25 years later (as feelings tend to do when pushed down!).
What does being bisexual mean to you?
Being bisexual means being attracted to more than one gender to me.
Has this changed over the years, and if so how?
Yes, things have changes significantly for me. I have tried polyamory (loved the person but decided it wasn’t for me). I have become increasingly interested in writing short stories with bi characters in them and have also (like Harrie) written a novel with bisexual main characters.I am also involved with the bisexual alliance in Melbourne and think it is crucial to keep pushing bi visibility. I think older bi visibility is particularly an issue, so I like what you are doing here!
What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality and how do they react?
My friends and family have been pretty ok with it apart from a few! Presenting as confident about my sexuality certainly helps to reinforce positive reactions back from people.
Looking back over your life so far, is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
I wish I had come out earlier but actually I don’t think it would have worked out, so no, I don’t have regrets.
What about your hopes or fears for the future regarding bisexuality?
My hopes are that bisexuality will be recognised as real and bisexual people will be able to be themselves –in all their wonderful diversity.
Any words of wisdom for younger bi people – or older ones?
Be yourselves. You DO exist and you are absolutely OK.
Would you like to help combat bi erasure and increase the visibility of bisexual people over 50? There are plenty of us out there, but far too many people don’t know that.
I am looking for other individuals over 50 (or thereabouts) who would like to contribute their “email interviews”, as Mary has done here. For more about what to do, look at this post.
Thanks.
Bi magazine is compiling a Purple List….
Bi magazine is compiling a Purple List. http://thisisbiscuit.com/purple-list-tell-us-youd-like-give-bi-five/
So below I’ve included a list of a few bisexual activists who I think are making the world a better place. It’s not everyone, and I know I’ll miss out some by accident, but here goes!
Ele Hicks http://www.bicymru.org.uk/author/ele/ My go to person for anything bi and Welsh!
Jennifer Moore http://www.uncharted-worlds.org/spindex.htm Incredibly talented musician & activist in Nottingham
Shirt Eisner http://radicalbi.wordpress.com/about/ Author of Notes for a Bi Revolution
Jen Yockney http://bicommunitynews.co.uk Editor extraordinaire of BCN & Manchester bi activist
Sue George http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.co.uk Sue has been writing about bisexuality longer than anyone I know.
Marcus Morgan http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk The brains behind the Bi Index, educator & great public speaker.
Edward Lord OBE http://edwardlord.org Did you notice the OBE? Ed is a bi activist who also supports diversity in sport. And he probably met the Queen.
Robyn Ochs http://robynochs.com Robyn’s work as a bi activist is internationally known. She has edited books, given presentations and done so much more in the U.S and beyond.
Also, there’s me!
When it comes to celebrities, take pick from Frank Ocean, Alice Walker, Grace Jones and many more.
This list isn’t confined to the UK, so check out the Bi groups around the world http://www.biresource.net/bisexualgroups.shtml for an activist closer to your location that has done good things for bi-kind.
Posted inUncategorized
Get Your Bi News at www.BiCommunityNews.co.uk
In case you've not already noticed, the bi news and news headlines that have been running for the past seven years or somesuch on BiMedia have now moved to the…
Bisexual and over 50 4: Lynnette
Each of the "interviews" is written by the individuals concerned, with the questions in bold coming from me.
*****
My name is Lynnette McFadzen and I live in Portland, Oregon, USA. I am a 57 year-old single white cis-gendered woman with three daughters and four grandchildren. I am single and, at the moment, celibate.
I am disabled but have had many occupations in the past, from nursing to chainsaw chain packaging. The packaging job is where I lost most of my hearing but it really started way before then. After the death of my estranged husband and my mother, I had my biggest breakdown and attempted suicide. That time I sought help. I spent the next 10 years healing and figuring out why my life was so dysfunctional. There was no room for relationships during that time.
How did you come to think of yourself as bisexual?
Last year I had finished my second round of chemo for Hepatitis C that I probably contracted as a nurse in my 20s. Not that it is important where I got it - Hep C is non-discerning. The first round failed so I spent a total of two years in treatment. That's a lot of down time to think.
At the end I felt ready to try dating and my old demons re-emerged. I found women attractive. I always had. My first crush was on Audrey Hepburn and I had a series of “girl crushes” throughout my life. But I truly believed all the lies I had been told about bisexuality.I spent the best part of my life proving to myself I was heterosexual and somehow broken and wrong inside. I know that was a contributing factor to my depression and suicide attempts. I really believed my loved ones would be better off without my evilness. What saved me was realizing I could not leave the legacy of suicide to my children and grandchildren. My father had done that to me.
I had never really acted on my same attractions but once and it was a disaster. But with the help of good friends and family I began to learn bisexuality was not what I thought. I turned to the LGBT community and was met with disdain, coolness or outright hostility. I was shocked and disheartened.
So I searched for a bisexual community and eventually was able to find it online. I made good supportive friends with similar stories and similar struggles with internalized biphobia. Through this I was able to accept that, yes I am bisexual. But it took some searching And the search engines at the time were not much help.
It also spurred me to help others like me who felt lost and alone and confused to find and build their support, and realize they can be proud. And have a community of their own since I am limited physically I decided to learn to podcast. And with friends and volunteers we created The BiCast. A podcast for the bisexual community.
What does being bisexual mean to you?
It means being a complete whole person with no internal shame or feeling of wrongness. Of understanding myself. It means being at peace with me. It has really to do with sex and everything to do with self love. And knowing that just because I am bisexual it doesn't alter my moral compass at all
How has this changed over the years?
I just came out last year. Doing that to myself was the biggest issue. The climate is changing for the general public perception of bisexuality. But the biggest reason I could not accept sooner that I was bisexual was because of what most people believed as I grew up and many still do. That it is a lifestyle choice, that you are shallow, indecisive, hypersexual, liars and all round morally bankrupt. It is changing, but not fast enough for me.
What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality and how do they react?
Everyone knows I'm bi. It's part of being on a podcast about bisexuality. My family and friends are totally supportive. I am blessed with a diverse and loving family and have been fortunate to find amazing people as friends. I am a lucky one. I am in a really safe place.
Looking back over your life so far, is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
I wish sometimes I had come to terms with this at a much earlier age. That I may have dismissed a good relationship as a possibility based on gender. That I had not tortured myself for no reason at all.
I get a bit melancholy but then remember it gives me a better appreciation of the happiness I have now.
What about your hopes or fears for the future (regarding bisexuality)?
Truthfully, I want to see how all bisexuals are treated change, and help others understand they are OK.
Any words of wisdom for younger bi people – or older ones?
For both really. Don't believe what you are told. Find out your own truth. Stay strong.
YOU ARE NOT WRONG. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. YOU DESERVE RESPECT.YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING. YOU ARE BISEXUAL.
Would you like to help combat bi erasure and increase the visibility of bisexual people over 50? There are plenty of us out there, but far too many people don’t know that.
I am looking for other individuals over 50 who would like to contribute their “email interviews”, as Lynnette has done here. For more about what to do, look at this post.
Thanks.
